


I Have Kept You In My Heart

by jade_lil



Series: I Have Kept You In My Heart [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drama & Romance, Friendship/Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-06-21 19:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15564573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jade_lil/pseuds/jade_lil
Summary: Before Jun, there was only Nino.  The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daisukidesu3](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=daisukidesu3), [littlebadlei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebadlei/gifts), [miyamoriyoh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyamoriyoh/gifts), [pupilurker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupilurker/gifts).



> Note : based on Jade Mercury’s prompt in FB. BB, I had to tweak your prompt a bit, I hope this is still okay, chuuu <3 Second part will be posted once third part has been completed and edited. 
> 
> Thank you. daisukidesu3 , thank you for the encouragement and the laughter when I needed them most. littlebadlei for the emotional support. and to every Ohmiya shipper who had once read/still reading the stories I've posted/ am posting, Thank you. This one's for you.

 

Prologue

 

"Do you think it's still possible for him to wake up, Sensei?" Nurse Kiritani murmured. "It's been what, five, six years, right?"

Sho straightened from where he was previously checking the patient's pulse, amazed yet again with how steady his heartbeat was. How peaceful he looked while he lay there on the hospital bed, his skin pale against the pristine sheet.

Sho had been this patient's attending physician since he'd been transferred here from a hospital in Chiba, and the length of time Sho had spent around this patient despite his condition, made it easier for Sho to develop an emotional attachment towards this patient without Sho even realizing it.

Other doctors did gave their predictions regarding this patient's prognosis - the medical examination results showed three broken ribs and fractured skull, not to mention the fact that his heart did stop beating for a few minutes -  and all of them said the same thing; this patient would not to make it.

But he did.

Sho wouldn't have believed it himself if he wasn't there when this guy was wheeled in, bloodied and barely breathing. He'd actually been declared dead by the emergency dispatch team that took him, but his heart had miraculously started beating again, though just barely, before they reached the nearest hospital.

To be honest, Sho himself had doubted the possibility that this man would still wake up and recover. After all, there were no physical signs that he was going to, given the fact that he was still in a coma, six years after the accident. But his family, particularly his mother, had refused to give up the fight, saying that she wouldn't ever do so when it was clear that her son was doing the same.

He turned and gave the nurse a mildly reproachful glare as he shook his head.

"Watch out what you say around our patients, Kiritani-san," he grumbled, gesturing for Kiritani to hand over the medical chart they have of this patient. He'd been noting the same thing for years, for months on end, except for the notably slight changes in the patient's body temperature these past few weeks.

"As I'm always saying, outside stimulant is one of the best known treatment to comatose patients. Talking to them as much as we could helps greatly and -" he said, stopping when Kiritani cut him off with a hand clutching at his forearm.

_"O-Oh my God,_ S-Sensei, look!" she exclaimed, wide-eyed, and pointed.

Sho turned and felt his jaw drop.

_"Holy Mother of_ \- !"

++

  
  
Part 1

 

Ohno was nursing his fourth shot glass when his phone started vibrating in his pocket.

He could ignore it, of course, but he was bored to a T and he'd been trying to find an excuse to get the hell out of this place for the last half hour but couldn't. Whoever was calling him right now was definitely a godsend, he thought, as he fished out his phone from his jean’s pocket, locating it in one try.

He glanced around and found Jun exchanging pleasantries with some of those University of the Arts professors Ohno was forced to shake hands with earlier, catching his gaze and gesturing with his hand towards the exit door while waving his still vibrating phone.

Jun nodded in answer and Ohno tilted his head in affirmation. He was out of the stool he had been sitting at for the past half hour, phone plastered on his ear as he made his way out of the nearest exit.

 

++

 

The voice on the other end sounded like the years that passed didn't happen. Aiba still laughed the same way, his voice still sounded the way it did the last time Ohno heard it. Ohno wondered how someone could stay the same when Ohno sometimes had troubles recognizing himself when he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He felt somewhat undeserving of Aiba's friendship, unchanging like the man himself even after so many years.

_So, how are you? I supposed I should get mad at you for not inviting us to your last art exhibition but I'm willing to forgive you if you say you're reserving us VIP tickets to your next one in compensation for not inviting us on your first, you hotshot artist, you_... Aiba said, only half-joking because it was true.

Ohno chuckled. "I already apologized for that, didn't I?" he said, not wanting to comment on the fact that the 'not inviting' thing was intentional. That exhibition happened almost three years ago, and Ohno was most certain the reason Aiba wasn't invited was because Ohno wasn’t ready to see Aiba then yet, or anyone who had a connection with the person he was deliberately trying to forget.

_I guess you did,_ Aiba replied with an over-dramatic sigh before it was followed by an obviously helpless giggle that had Ohno clutching his phone tightly against his ear trying to keep his emotions reigned in before he could stop himself.

_But still, I demand that you invite us personally this time around. You owe us, old man._

"Yeah, well, I'll see what I can do." he said, and he did find himself glad that he meant it.

_I'm counting on that,_ Aiba said, pausing for a moment that had Ohno wondering if he'd somehow lost Aiba there, at least until he heard Aiba speaking again.

_Kazuko Kaa-chan was asking after you, you know? She was wondering when you're going to show up here to visit. Said she missed you._

Ohno's unruly chest tightened, the remembered pain was so intense he could barely breathe through the sudden wave of emotion resurfacing. He was almost drowning in it that he found himself gripping the nearest wall to keep himself steady, breathing through his nose so as to calm the debilitating need to weep.

It wasn't easy, but he at least managed it.

He hadn’t meant to abandon everything and everyone, but it had to be done, one way or another. It was that or give up on his life entirely, which he’d almost chosen to, the first few months after Kazu’s death.

He swallowed through the lump in his throat, wishing his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt.  "I was actually planning to, but I - I didn't want to surprise her," he said, shutting his eyes close if only to chase away the memories of the kind woman's face, almost unrecognizable through the miserable tears and grief the last time he saw her.

_She wouldn't mind if you did, Oh-chan, you know that._.. Aiba countered, using the nickname Ohno preferred not to be called with anymore. The memories attached to that  pet name were so precious as they were painful, and Ohno wished  not to be reminded of them anymore, if he could help it.

_His family were here earlier, even his Dad. And his sister. Did you know she gave birth to another son last Spring? She had five kids in total now, can you believe that?_

Ohno smiled. "Really? Wow, she's on a roll, huh?"

_Oh, totally. But personally, I couldn't imagine having that many children myself. They're probably going to drive me mad, if you know what I'm saying.._. Aiba said, like an afterthought. Ohno found himself laughing, imagining watching tiny Aibas running around the house, screaming.

Such a scary and interesting thought, to be honest.

_Well, that's it. I actually just called to make sure you haven't forgotten us and to check how you're doing. I mean, I know it's been a while, and it's been, what, six years since he's been gone, and we do understand if you still feel like you're not ready to see us yet, but just... We missed you, Oh-chan. We really do. And I hope that we'll get to see you again one day, whenever you're ready, that is_... Aiba said, his voice softening.

Ohno was certain that the lump in his throat doubled in size. Still, he did his best to speak through it, his eyes stinging and his voice cracking embarrassingly around each syllable when he answered.

"I missed you guys, too." he returned, honestly mirroring Aiba's sentiments. There were other things he wished he could say, but he wouldn't do so on the phone. Besides, such things he didn't have to say in big words, and he was certain Aiba wasn't expecting him to.

_I'm sure you do, so come visit us sometime, okay? And you could also use that opportunity to bring your new partner along for us to meet, too, how's that sound?_...Aiba asked, hopeful, and Ohno found himself agreeing without meaning to.

_Great. Talk to you again soon, yeah? Bye, Oh-chan!_

He was just pocketing his phone when a familiar voice called out from behind him, and an equally familiar hand settling warmly over his shoulder.

"Satoshi, are you okay?"

 

++

 

"If this is how you're going to be all night, you should have declined my offer to go home early  when I suggested it. "

Ohno watched as Jun hastily extricated himself away from where he'd been positioned in between Ohno's legs on the bed, and walked away, barefoot and naked towards the direction of the bathroom. Ohno kept his eyes trained on Jun's back, watching as Jun reached for the robe he'd carefully hung there earlier. Jun was tying the belt on the front when he turned around to face Ohno, his eyes dark and knowing.

Ohno lowered his gaze and realized he still had his pants on, the front unzipped and his uninterested cock hanging limply out of it.

He closed his eyes and resisted the urge to curse aloud.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I supposed to forget this shit didn't happen? Again." muttered Jun. The last bit was spoken with underlying pain that Ohno couldn't help but be ashamed of himself for acting like an uncaring bastard on multiple occasions when Jun deserved anything but, but he just couldn't.

Even apologies would only sound pretentious at this point, and the last thing Jun needed was for him to act like he was sorry when they both know he wasn't.

"Nothing's wrong," he answered, tucking himself back into his pants and zipping up, before opting on rolling out of bed to avoid looking at Jun entirely.

He'd avoid an argument if he could help it - there was no use arguing over things that he had no control over, after all - but it obviously seemed like they were heading there.

"I had your cock in my mouth for the past ten minutes and you didn't even get hard," Jun commented, his tone dangerously edging into hysteria. Ohno sat down on the edge of the bed, wincing mentally, and faced the wall if only so he wouldn't have to see the hurt painting Jun's face.

Hearing it was more than enough, really.

" - which, I wouldn't say is a first, because it isn't, but still." Jun muttered, then paused, "Seriously. Come on, humor me. Is this because of that again?" Jun asked, like he knew better than to outright point out the cause of all this mess.

Ohno honestly didn't need him to.

It was bad enough that he was well aware that he was hurting Jun, over and over again, for the simple fact that he still couldn't get over that heartbreaking loss even after so long, but, what else could he do? It's been years - six, to be exact - and yet, whenever this particular month rolled around, those painful memories would, too. He'd lived through that nightmare despite the difficulty, still, there were times that he honestly wished he didn't.

Jun had been one of the many reasons why Ohno was glad he did, amongst other things, but even then, he still couldn't shut off that part of him that longed for the person that was no longer there.

He's certain Jun knew, though he did try not to make an issue out of it despite the fact that he had every reason to. Today was probably one of the rare times Jun allowed this to bother him, and Ohno honestly felt so out of his depth, unsure of what to say or do.

"No," he countered, in lieu of saying something even more idiotic. "I'm just tired," he added as he looked around in search of his shirt. He found it lying discarded on the floor, where Jun must have thrown it carelessly aside earlier.

"Tired?" Jun muttered, sounding somewhat incredulous. Ohno couldn't exactly blame him. "From what? You've barely made progress on that one project you've immersed yourself into six months prior, and the one thing you've been working on since the start of last year, you don't even want to show to me. You know I only need to see it to know if it's worthy enough to be added to your planned exhibit at the end of this year, too, right?" Jun complained, frustration and confusion marring his voice.

Ohno shook his head. "I haven't agreed to that exhibit yet, Jun." he clarified, pursing his lips. He'd opted on keeping his mouth shut and not comment on the matter entirely, despite the fact that Jun obviously wanted him to.

Jun frowned. "You're not actually serious, are you?"

Ohno pursed his lips and decided not to answer.

Truthfully, he had no plans of showing that project to anyone, least of all to Jun. He didn't start that one with the purpose of showing it to anybody, but because he simply wanted to. He felt like he owed to himself, and to the person he'd spent years loving with all of his heart and lost, to do it.

He hadn't meant to show it to Jun because he was afraid Jun would not understand.

"It's been six years, Satoshi," Jun mumbled after a long pause, making Ohno's eyes snap up to him in shock. Their gazes locked, and for a moment there, Ohno saw something in Jun's eyes he hadn't seen in a while.

" _Six years,_ " Jun repeated, pointing it out like Ohno hadn't realized it, too, the edges of his lips quivering just the slightest bit. "Normally, that's long enough for anyone to get over the death of someone -"

He raised his hand up to stop Jun from continuing. "This has nothing to do with that." he lied through tightly-clenched teeth, his fingers itching to rub that part in his chest where it was aching fiercely at the moment.

He didn't, though, because he didn't want Jun to see how this was affecting him. He would never deliberately hurt Jun that way, no matter how badly Jun thought of him.

"Yeah," Jun said, dismissively, and turned around. He was halfway out the door when he stopped, and muttered, "Keep telling yourself that." offhandedly, and walked out, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Ohno allowed himself the freedom to utter rough curses under his breath the second Jun was out of sight.

 

++

 

Before Jun, there was only Nino.

The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday.

Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.

Ohno never gotten the chance to say goodbye. Nino's death was so sudden that it took Ohno a while to be able to accept that fact without wanting to scream his lungs out in pain, in rage, in misery, every goddamn time he would think of Nino, of the reality that he wouldn't ever get to see Nino again.

It had been ruled out as an accident, but even until now, Ohno had his doubts. There hadn't been any signs of a foul play, he was told, no matter how many times they've investigated the scene. That same night, Ohno found Nino himself, lying lifeless on the cold concrete floor of Nino's parents' home, roughly an hour since he'd last talked to Nino.

They'd agreed to meet there earlier, since Ohno was scheduled to meet with a client later that afternoon. An art collector, he was told. It was Nino who told him it was okay to postpone their supposed meeting for a few hours, and in turn, Ohno promised to pick Nino up later that night to have dinner with Ohno's family.

In the end, neither of the two happened.

He was devastated beyond devastation itself, and it honestly felt like he was altered beyond recognition. He couldn't even recognize himself through the heartbreak of losing Nino so suddenly, hoping, wishing for quick death to claim him if only to stop the pain from completely consuming him.

But it never came.

It was so hard, the first few months without Nino. He couldn't remember a time when he wasn't drinking, trying to drown his misery with alcohol if only to forget he still exist. He'd sleep the day off and would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing his heart out, missing the warmth he usually slept with because Nino wasn't there.

It was hell, plain and simple. And Ohno wished for nothing then but to be freed from it all.

And just when he thought he couldn't go on anymore, Matsumoto Jun came along and saved him.

 

++

 

"So, how is he?" Kazuko Kaa-chan asked, the moment Aiba ended the call. Aiba shrugged and gave her the compressed version of what he and Ohno talked about on the phone earlier, watching her expression changing from time to time.

"New partner, huh?" she scoffed, as she went back to her task earlier. Drying the plates and handing them over to Aiba so he could put them back in the drawer where she usually kept them.

Aiba said nothing, careful not to upset her further. It was obvious that she was, though, and Aiba didn't need her to say it for him to confirm it, even though she was the one who told Aiba to call Ohno earlier, to say hello, ask how Ohno was doing.

She was like a mother to him, to Ohno, too, maybe even more than his own mother was sometimes, and he loved her with all of his heart.

Sometimes, when Aiba looked at her, he wondered how she'd ever lived through the pain of losing her son when Aiba himself had barely managed it.

They were childhood friends, Nino and him. Growing up together in this small town until they both ended up attending college in Tokyo, sharing everything from snacking on vanilla-scented tissues to sharing underwears. He'd been with Nino through most, if not all, significant events of his best friend's life, aside from the one Aiba was certain Nino needed him most.

Losing his best friend six years ago was devastating. It was like half of his heart had been taken away from him, snatched and stomped upon cruelly, and it was lucky that he could still function properly after it.

The years had dulled the pain, sure, but they weren't enough to erase it fully.

Aiba wondered if there would ever come a day when he would think of Nino and not feel like breaking down everytime, though, he highly doubted it.

"Apparently, they're on the same line of work, which is probably why they click." he added, honestly curious about this new love Ohno found and what was he like, though he was certain she was no longer listening.

"Well, I don't think that boy would ever pay attention to anyone, same line of work or not, if my Kazu is here." she said, with so much conviction that made Aiba smile.

"Certainly, Kaa-chan," Aiba agreed readily, reaching over her hand and squeezing it. It was one thing to love someone else's mother for everything she was, and it was another for her being all kinds of wonderful just the same.

Aiba really, really loved her.

"Nino's kind of a gem, we all know that, and there's no doubt that Oh-chan obviously thought the same. Surely, he -" he followed, and was rudely interrupted by the Ninomiya's home phone ringing.

"Do you want me to answer that?" he asked instead, though she was already up on her feet and was on her to answer the phone herself. She smiled and shook her head at the same time she picked up the phone.

"Hello, this is Ninomiya's residence, how may I - _hello_?” she paused, and Aiba frowned, watching her fingers tightening around the receiver.  “Yes, this is his mother. Yes... W-Wait, what?" she stuttered, her grip around the phone shaking.

Aiba found himself on his feet and crossing the short distance between them the next instant  before he realized he was moving.

"Kaa-chan, what's wrong?" he asked, but she didn't even as much as throw him a glance.

The fact only made the awful feeling in Aiba's chest worse.

He watched her lips move though no words come out, watched her chin tremble as tears started streaming down her face as she cried. Aiba reached over then stopped, his hands suspended mid-air as she mumbled words that sounded like _Yes_ , and I'll be there as soon as I can under her breath.

When she put down the phone, she was still crying, but when she looked up, Aiba was shocked to find her smiling at the same time.

Aiba honestly didn't know what was happening.

"Kaa-chan, what -"

She cut him off by throwing herself at him, her arms tight around his waist as she cried on his chest, her words muffled by the fact that she was sobbing through each dragging syllable.

Still, Aiba understood her fully.

"Ma-kun, he's _awake_ ," she said, shaking awfully in his arms. "They said he has _recovered_. The hospital called just now and they told me my son had regained consciousness. Let's go there now, oh my God, please come with me. I need to see my son, Ma-kun, oh please!"

Aiba blinked. _Awake? Recovered?_

_Son?_

What the hell was going on?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He heard the sound of a door closing, and then the feel of her hand tugging his. Everything felt weird, and Aiba honestly couldn't pinpoint when things became even weirder. He felt strangely detached from his own body, like he was watching stuff from someone else's eyes as he found himself moving on autopilot again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On this one, Nino-mama finally lets Aiba in on the secret of Nino's 'death'. There's slight angst here in and there, and we'll see how Nino will charm the pants off of Sakurai-Sensei even while he is looking. No JunToshi on this one, I'm afraid. But they'll dominate the next part, so, there's that. Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think?

Sho came back from the nurse’s station where he’d called Ninomiya’s mother to find Ninomiya already propped up on his bed, wearing a frown that would have sent most of the faint-hearted nurses running. Nurse Kiritani, however, did not. Instead, she stood by Ninomiya’s bedside, talking in hushed tones, and obviously trying her very best to calm Ninomiya down, by the looks of it.  
  
Sho stepped inside and nodded his head at her in thanks.   
  
“Ninomiya-san, how are you feeling?” he inquired after Ninomiya when he was close enough to do so. He reached over and waited until Ninomiya had voluntarily offered his hand for Sho to take, Sho’s fingers automatically curling around Ninomiya’s wrist to check on his pulse.   
  
Ninomiya’s skin was warm to the touch, and it once again reminded Sho that this was the same person he had patiently cared for for the past six years, alive and hopefully healthy. This close, Sho was treated with the lovely sight of his caramel-colored eyes, bright and alive and staring expectantly back at Sho.  
  
It unnerved Sho quite literally, stunned by the man’s arresting beauty upclose.  
  
“Does it hurt anywhere?” he asked as he dropped Ninomiya’s hand, already missing it’s warmth where he placed it carefully on the bed.   
  
Ninomiya shook his head. “No.”  
  
Sho took that in stride and looked Ninomiya over. He did look fine, though, they couldn’t be certain until he had Ninomiya’s test results in hand. He needed to schedule those, too, in the morning.   
  
“How about your head? Do you feel dizzy or anything?”  
  
“I feel fine.”  
  
Sho nodded, pressing his lips together. He knew enough to be worried, but saying so in front of a miraculously-recovered patient, who had been declared un-treatable, seemed highly inadequate, so Sho bit his tongue instead.  
  
“But my legs feel weird and I have this nagging feeling that I haven’t been in contact with a toothbrush for so long.” Ninomiya said in a completely straight face, making Sho gape at him for a moment before he himself broke into a helpless grin.  
  
“Ah, I totally understand. Shall we help you to the bathroom, then?”  
  
Ninomiya smiled, and Sho was certain there was a reason why he’d never gave this patient up, no matter what those other doctors told him. That smile and the light in Ninomiya’s eyes despite the lingering confusion he was battling from within, just about did it for Sho.  
  
“ _Please_ ,” Ninomiya whispered just as Sho offered his hand to help Ninomiya off the bed. “I honestly think something crawled in my mouth and died in there. It feels disgusting, to be honest.”  
  
Sho laughed, feeling something inside him physically break when Ninomiya did the same.  
  
“Woah!” Ninomiya exclaimed when his feet touched the floor and his legs immediately gave up on him. Sho was thankful that he was close enough to catch Ninomiya’s fall, Nurse Kiritani quite literally levitating towards them to help. He had his arms branded around Ninomiya’s waist to steady him, his heart breaking at the words escaping Ninomiya’s lips the second after, his voice shaking just like the rest of him.  
  
“Sensei, what the hell is wrong with _me_?”  
  
++  
  
He’d expected this. He honestly did. But that didn’t mean dealing with it would be easy.  
  
He heaved a sigh and wished he didn’t seem as helpless as he felt, as he reached over and patted Ninomiya’s hand. It was a silly excuse to touch, to offer comfort he knew the other man needed, something he didn’t need to do but did so anyway.  
  
“You’re saying I had an accident,” Ninomiya said, though his eyes seemed not to recall anything with regards to what Sho was saying.   
  
Sho nodded but offered nothing more. He knew better than to disclose information to a patient who obviously couldn’t remember anything, and he wasn’t about to start now.   
  
Even though Ninomiya obviously wanted him to.  
  
“But I - I don’t remember any of it.” Ninomiya added, his mouth lined with confusion. Sho took Ninomiya’s hands in his and squeezed.   
  
“It will come, Ninomiya-san,” he said, silently hoping it would happen. He didn’t want to admit it but he hated seeing this look on Ninomiya’s face, his confusion wearing him down, knowing that there were things even a doctor like him couldn’t do. “Just be patient, okay?”  
  
“But how long do I have to wait?” Ninomiya countered, and Sho expected this reaction, too. “A day? A week? A month? A year? Ten years? Tell me, Sensei, what if I ended up not remembering it, do you think I -”  
  
“Then it’s probably for the best, Ninomiya-san,” Sho said, cutting Ninomiya off. “I have no way of knowing when you’ll get your memories back, or if you’ll ever get them, but if you ask me, I’ll say that that’s the least of my concerns right now.” he said. Ninomiya frowned at him and Sho paused to breathe air back into his lungs, and stared straight into Ninomiya’s eyes.  
  
“You’re alive, and honestly, right now, that is more than enough for me and for your family.”  
  
  
++   
  
  
The trip to the hospital was a bleary affair, and Aiba honestly couldn't remember most of it. His memories of the events that followed were distorted, almost indistinguishable through the fuzz clouding his senses.  
  
Still, he’d had to rely on them to make it through, especially after the initial shock of finding himself being pushed out of the cab, the second it skidded into a stop in front of the hospital entrance, his hand clutching Nino's mother's hand tugging roughly against his own.  
  
From then on, it was even blurrier. Aiba didn't even know how they ended up riding the elevator to the fifth floor when they were merely lounging in front of the nurse's station minutes before, until they were already there.  
  
Apparently, Aiba's body was moving on autopilot, with Nino's mother's hand guiding him exactly where he needed to go.  
  
He heard the sound of a door closing, and then the feel of her hand tugging his. Everything felt weird, and Aiba honestly couldn't pinpoint when things became even weirder. He felt strangely detached from his own body, like he was watching stuff from someone else's eyes as he found himself moving on autopilot again.  
  
A man in white met them at the front of a closed door, and Aiba watched him take one of Nino's mother's hand into his that wasn't clutching Aiba's own.   
  
"S-Sensei, what happened? Is he - I-Is he okay? D-Did he t-talk?" she asked when the doctor greeted them with a slight bow of his head, his hands still clutching one of hers.   
  
"I was doing my daily rounds, checking up on his vitals when he opened his eyes. Kiritani-san was with me when he did, Kazuko-san." the doctor said and paused, shaking his head like he himself couldn't believe what he was saying.   
  
"And, did he say anything? Asked anything?"  
  
"Yes," the doctor nodded. "Just normal stuff, like, why he’s here and how long he’s been out of it. It seems like he can't remember anything prior to the accident, and even the accident itself, but I’m certain that is just to be expected." the doctor added.   
  
“M-Memory loss?” she breathed, voice quivering. Aiba squeezed her hand, offering comfort, despite his lingering confusion.  
  
"We still don't know the extent of it, but I'm guessing he’s missing a few years, give and take four to five before the day of the accident. But we still can’t say for certain." the doctor said, with which Nino's mother simply answered with a nod of her head.   
  
"B-But he's - he's okay...right?"  
  
The doctor nodded. "As far as I can tell, yes. But we still need to perform some more tests to determine if the memory loss is the only thing we should be concerned about."  
  
"Please do what's necessary, Sensei." she said, her voice low and pleading.   
  
"Of course, Kazuko-san, you don’t even need to ask me that." The doctor said, then glanced to where Aiba stood next to the woman he was talking to. "Hmm, sorry for asking but, I didn't know he has a brother?"  
  
She glanced at Aiba and smiled softly his way. "He doesn't. Aiba-kun is his best friend." she said, simply, to which the doctor nodded his head in apprehension. The exchange didn't help with Aiba's growing confusion, not even for one bit.  
  
"Can we see him now?" she asked, her fingers tightening around Aiba's own.   
  
"Of course," the doctor answered, leading them towards the door. He knocked a few times and murmured something that sounded like 'pardon the intrusion' before he opened the door.  
  
"Ninomiya-san, you have visitors," the doctor announced, and Aiba found himself looking straight into a familiar pair of liquid brown eyes, and an equally familiar smirk that just about robbed the breath straight from his lungs.  
  
It was difficult to look away and Aiba found himself rooted on the spot he was standing on, blinking rapidly and waiting for the image of his best friend, alive and smiling, to disappear.  
  
It didn’t.  
  
"Oh, hi Mom! I didn't know Idiot-chan would be coming with you," greeted the man sitting on the bed, who sounded exactly like Nino. Aiba felt something in his brain clicked, connecting the conversation he heard earlier to the person grinning expectantly at them from the bed.  
  
"N-Nino?"   
  
The person on the bed that looked exactly his best friend rolled his eyes in that painfully familiar way and grinned.   
  
"The one and only," he said, before quickly adding, "and will you please quit looking at me like I just came back from the dead? It's seriously creeping me out."  
  
Aiba didn't - he couldn't - he was breaking down exactly the same time Nino's mother did, and together, they bolted towards the bed where Nino was, almost toppling Nino over in their haste to tug Nino into their arms.  
  
  
++  
  
  
“How are you feeling?” Aiba asked, his forehead creased with worry as he squeezed Nino’s hand lightly.  
  
“That’s the fifth time you asked me that, if you haven’t noticed,” Nino retorted, slapping his hand away. Aiba ignored him and went back to cradle Nino’s hand in his, while Nino’s mother went outside to talk to the Nino’s doctor.   
  
“Just answer the question, Nino.”  
  
Nino rolled his eyes but did so, anyway. “I’m fine, okay? Happy now?”  
  
Aiba wanted to tell him he was more than happy, more than glad to find Nino alive and well, but couldn’t find the exact words to say it. There were things in his head that were making it specifically difficult to be properly grateful, but Aiba knew it wasn’t the time, nor the place to think about them.   
  
Especially since he still had no idea how this happened, how Nino ended up alive when they’ve just been mourning the pain of losing him, six years after his supposed death.  
  
Or so they thought.  
  
“I’m just worried,” he said, biting back the urge to cry once more. He’d already been chastised enough for crying, but Aiba knew it was inevitable, anyway. His tears come out no matter what he was feeling. And he was currently overwhelmed with emotion he couldn’t contain, so Nino would have to deal with it all, as payback for all the tears Aiba had willingly and unwillingly shed for Nino himself during the past six years thinking he was dead.  
  
“Stop worrying, it’ll give you premature wrinkles,” Nino told him, jabbing a finger to Aiba’s forehead. “Which you already have, how odd.” Nino mused, leaning over for a closer look. Aiba blinked, stilled under Nino’s careful observation.  
  
“Hey, have you been coloring your hair?” Nino asked, suddenly, fingering the strands of stubborn hair falling over Aiba’s eyes. “And I swear you had a different haircut the last time we saw each other, like, a week ago, right? And it’s this long now? How the hell did that happen?”  
  
Aiba felt a tremor coming. It was obvious that the no one had yet to tell Nino what had happened to him, or how long he’d been in a coma. Aiba was certain he didn’t want it to be him.  
  
“Umm, yeah? It’s a new trend, silly.”  
  
“But I swear you had an almost military cut that time so how come -”  
  
“Hair extensions! You haven’t heard of that, Nino-chan? Oh my god, seriously?” he countered, shoving his shaking fingers through his hair.   
  
Nino gave him the stinky eye and pouted, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.   
  
“I’m not blind, Aiba-chan,” Nino muttered, and Aiba was certain his heart was going mile a minute as sweat started gathering on his temple. “I know something is wrong, but the doctor wouldn’t tell me, and you’re obviously doing the same.” Nino said.   
  
“I don’t really -”  
  
“That accident, when did it happen? And why I couldn’t remember any of it? Is this scar in my forehead has something to do with it? Tell me or I swear I’ll choke it out of you.”  
  
“Nino-chan, I -”  
  
“Ninomiya-san, it’s time to take your medicine,” Nurse Kiritani announced from the doorway, and Aiba found himself gasping in relief as he shuffled out of her way.   
  
Nino said nothing but the way he had locked gazes with Aiba told him this wasn’t going to end here.  
  
It was high time he talked to Nino’s mother, then.   
  
  
++  
  
"I - I still don't understand how this is possible," Aiba whispered, watching his best friend sleeping on the bed, his hand clutching Nino’s wrist lightly as if he couldn’t bear to let him go even when he was certain Nino wasn’t going anywhere.  
  
"I mean, we buried him." he hissed, low and gravely. “At least I thought we did.”   
  
Aiba blinked, flooded with the memories of that painful day as if only happened yesterday. He didn’t even get to see Nino, because no one was allowed to anymore, after Nino was brought back home from the hospital morgue.   
  
Aiba himself couldn’t believe it - he talked to Nino two days before the accident happened, after all, and finding out that he was going back home to his best friend’s funeral, of all things, obviously didn’t help.  
  
“W-We did, right?” he murmured, eyes wide.   
  
Of course, how could he be certain when Nino’s casket was kept closed all throughout the wake? Somehow, he vaguely remembered someone saying about Nino’s face being too bruised and swollen to be viewed that his family opted not to open the casket, and Aiba feeling all too overwhelmed with misery to even question it.  
  
Nino's mother shifted from where she was sitting on the chair on Nino's left bedside, fingers stroking Nino's hair. After being awake only for an hour, Nino seemed to tire easily. The fact was enough for Nino's mother to worry immediately but the doctor - Sakurai-san - told them that it was just normal.   
  
Nino was still recovering, he said, and sleeping was one of our body’s natural way of healing itself. Aiba was certain Kazuko-san wasn’t all that convinced, seeing that the older woman had stubbornly refused to leave Nino’s side until she was sure her son would wake up the second time around.  
  
“No,” she said, her voice sounded emotionless.“We buried an empty casket.” was her simple reply, as if that would somehow answer everything.   
  
Aiba honestly wondered how to tell her it was actually the opposite.  
  
“Kaa-chan, you do realize -”  
  
“I know, but it was the only thing I could think of then, Ma-kun,” she said, quickly cutting him off. “The doctors told me he wasn’t going to make it, anyway. So, I thought, why prolong the agony if I could spare you all the pain that I’d still have to suffer until the time he draws his last breath? It was going to happen anyway. Sure, his heart was still beating then, but the doctors were certain it would only be a matter of time till it stops, permanently.”  
  
Aiba blinked, fingers tightening around Nino’s wrist. “But it didn’t.”  
  
She shook her head but her gaze was on her son’s peacefully sleeping face on the bed.   
  
“No, it didn’t,” she said. “He was so brave, fighting for his life even though everyone at the hospital thought I was foolish for doing the same. They kept telling me that even if he regains consciousness, he’ll only end up like a human vegetable - and that honestly was one of the reasons why I kept his condition a secret.” she paused her, wiping the tears that fell on her cheeks.  
  
“I’d never want anyone to look at him like they’re sorry he’s alive, that he’d better off dead than to live miserably like the doctors predicted. As his mother, I couldn’t allow that, I just couldn’t. That’s why I did it.” she said, voice trembling.   
  
“But Oh-chan wouldn’t have left Chiba if he knew Nino was alive,” he said, heart breaking. “He probably would have stayed by Nino’s side, and wouldn’t have found someone else to -”  
  
“Maybe,” she cut him off again, her voice surprisingly clear. “But I’m certain that Kazu would have done the same if the decision was up to him. He wouldn’t want to keep Satoshi-kun waiting, knowing that the possibility of him recovering is close to nothing. Kazu wouldn’t ever want to tie Satoshi-kun to a promise he couldn’t keep himself, and it would be unfair to expect the same from Satoshi-kun.”   
  
Aiba didn’t dare say anything in return, knowing that anything he might come up with then would mean nothing. There was no sense blaming her for her decisions, no matter how it could have changed the lives of all involved.  
  
He simply ducked his head and nuzzled his best friend’s arm, closing his eyes and listening to each and every breath Nino took in his sleep, and feeling entirely grateful for hearing it.  
  
That would be enough, for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On this one, we get a glimpse of Juntoshi, the night of Nino’s death through Ohno’s eyes, and Aiba being the wonderful friend we all want to have. Hope you enjoy <3

Some might call it fate, but Ohno liked to think it was something else.  
  
He was on the brink of giving up then, was seriously considering ending his miserable life with his own two hands since the alcohol was obviously taking its sweet time finishing the job like he'd meant it to, but he guessed God, or whoever was watching over him then obviously had other plans.  
  
They had to be, since it was then that he'd met Jun.  
  
It was night like any other, and Ohno had plans on spending it just like the usual. To drink himself to oblivion, and maybe drink some more if his liver was up for it. But somehow, the night turned out just a tad different than he'd normally expected, because then he'd woken up the next morning, naked beside someone else, and not on an empty bed the way he'd done so in months.  
  
It might be fate, alright, but Ohno still liked to think it was something else.  
  
He'd spent years thinking what it was, what it could be, but he still hadn't come up with anything.  
  
And this morning, too, six years after Nino's death, he looked at Jun sleeping soundly on the bed next to him and wondered if he ever would.  
  
  
+++  
  
  
 _It's dark when Ohno reached the house, calling out Nino's name even before he is properly out of the cab. His heart is racing and it doesn't help that despite the distance, he could clearly see that the front door of the house is slightly ajar._  
  
 _He breaks into a run and doesn't even make it there._  
  
 _The lump at the middle of the front steps stops him from advancing further, his body moving without permission from his brain. He stoops down, crouches, his hearing being hindered by the loud pounding of his blood in his ears and reaches over to pick the figure from the ground and onto his lap._  
  
 _He knows who it is even before he gets to see the person's face._  
  
 _"K-Kazu? Kazu, it's me, can you hear me? Kazu -"_  
  
 _Nino is deathly still, and it doesn't seem like he could hear Ohno. Ohno shakes him hard for good measure, and it is only then that his eyes flutter open . Ohno's brain is a cluttered mess, cataloguing details he sees faster than he could comprehend, his chest heaving hard as he shakes Nino awake._  
  
 _The cut on Nino's lips, his left eye swelling and the feel of something warm oozing from the back of his head into Ohno's hand holding Nino's head in place._  
  
 _Nino mouth the words, "I love you," but no sound came out, before his eyes shut, his head lolls on Ohno's lap where it stays unmoving despite Ohno's effort to wake him up. Ohno shakes him again for good measure, two more times after that, before he stops._  
  
 _He picks Nino up, arms branding around Nino as he buries his face against Nino's damp temple_ _, screaming Nino's name._  
  
 _Nino doesn't open his eyes again._  
  
 _"Kazunari!" Ohno screams his heart out -_  
  
...and woke up on an empty bed, cold but drenched in sweat.  
  
"I feel like I should be upset but it's too early still and I don't want to start the day getting worked up over the dead so, good morning. There's coffee if you want some and breakfast, if you feel like eating." Jun said from the door, already dressed and ready to go. He gave Ohno this look that spoke volume and turned away before Ohno could even make up an excuse for waking up screaming his dead first love's name.  
  
Not that it would matter, since Jun had obviously resigned to his fate this morning, but still, Ohno felt like he should have done something. Anything.  
  
He groaned and rolled onto his side, burying his face on the pillow. God, what was wrong with him, really? Nino's been dead for six years, for fuck's sake; why did he have to keep remembering everything that happened that night as if they only happened the night before?  
  
Was there a reason for all these? Did that phone call from Aiba-chan had something to do with these forcibly buried memories from resurfacing?  
  
He couldn’t be sure, but one thing's for certain; mulling over it wasn't going to help. It was only going to make matters worse, not only for him but it would also put an ever bigger strain into his relationship with Jun than what was already there.  
  
Somehow, he could think of it as just Nino's odd way of reminding him he was due for a visit, which he was, actually, if that would make things easier. It's been years, and it's not to say that the reason he hadn't been doing so was because he wasn't ready.  
  
He just didn't want to.  
  
He'd been occupied with work and his relationship with Jun that he hadn't actually given himself the time to grieve properly, not that he didn't, because the months he spent drinking himself to oblivion was a testament to it. Still, he wondered if he could have done so properly, if it could have changed the way he'd handled things then. He'd jumped into bed with another man a few months after Nino's death with all the intention to forget, after all, but that didn't mean that was all there was to it.  
  
Back then, the attraction was enough to keep Ohno distracted, and despite knowing that he was, and would love Nino with all of his heart forever, it didn't stop him from keeping Jun on his bed, and later on by his side, everyday thereafter.  
  
Ohno honestly thought then that Jun was his ticket out of hell.  
  
He didn't think he could be wrong, though.  
  
But maybe, this time, Jun was right. Six years was long enough to get over the death of a loved one, after all, and the only other reason Ohno hadn't been able to was because he hadn't let Nino go.  
  
Maybe, it was high time that he did.  
  
  
++  
  
The coffee was still thankfully hot when Ohno emerged out of the bedroom, already showered and dressed. Jun shot him a look and heaved a seemingly long-suffering sigh before he stood and poured Ohno a cup.  
  
Ohno took a seat on the stool there and watched the way Jun moved around the kitchen stiffly.  
  
"Higayashima-san's secretary called, asking if we're still interested," Jun said conversationally, and Ohno was half-glad the query had nothing to do with the mess Ohno made last night and early this morning, too, just as Jun was sliding the mug of steaming hot coffee towards Ohno on the counter.  
  
Ohno took the mug and muttered a quiet thanks under his breath, wondering who that Higayashima person was and what was it about him that should interest Ohno.  
  
"On what? And am I supposed to know who that is?" he asked, blinking as he took a sip.  
  
Jun rolled his eyes at him. "Seriously? He's the Japanese Ambassador to the ASEAN Assembly of the Arts. He requested your participation to that event that will be held in Singapore in November, you don't remember?"  
  
Ohno didn't, but he wasn't about to admit that, lest he'd be in trouble. He didn't need more to add to the growing list of things he was capable of to annoy Jun. He could obviously do that himself easily without any help.  
  
"And what about that planned exhibition in September?" he countered, already dreading the amount of work he had to finish if he agreed on both, which he wasn't planning to. He was not that crazy.  
  
"I thought that was what you wanted to do." he added, like an afterthought.  
  
"We can probably postpone it, since you stil don't have enough materials to be shown there anyway. Plus, this Assembly is like a once in a lifetime chance, Satoshi, and you've just been invited in it." Jun insisted, "They'll be showcasing artists' works from all over the globe and you’re lucky to be chosen as one of the three to represent Japan in it."  
  
Jun was obviously already sold to the idea of Ohno participating in that event so Ohno didn't think there was any chance for him to say no. Besides, he would have to agree on it anyway since he was already decided he didn't want to do that exhibition this year, too.  
  
"Would they be requiring new stuff to be shown in that event, or my old ones from the previous exhibitions are enough?"  
  
"No idea, but I can ask." Jun returned.  
  
"Might be better if you did.."  
  
"Okay. And if they said yes? Do you have enough ready in case they ask?"  
  
Ohno shrugged. He had more than a dozen finished artworks so he guessed that wouldn't be a problem. Unless of course if they would ask for more.  
  
"Depends on the number of artworks they need," he said. "I think I have eighteen complete pieces, twenty-three if you count the unfinished ones."  
  
"Should be enough, I think," Jun said, "But I'll still clarify. I'll get back to you once I've had answers."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"So, now that that's out of the way," Jun said, leaning against the counter giving Ohno a look, "Do you want to tell me what's going on and why I think you are back to mourning after your dead boyfriend, six years after his death?"  
  
Ohno cursed inwardly and decided to keep up with the lie. "I wasn't." he said, then, "I'm  _not_." as if to make sure Jun heard him.  
  
Jun crossed his arms tightly over his chest in a clear act of defense. "That's _bullshit,_ " Jun spat, "We both know what happened last night, Satoshi, and this morning, too. Do you want me to remind you?"  
  
He clenched his jaw and muttered, "No, thanks." under his breath.  
  
Jun paused, opening his mouth probably to say something before quickly shutting it off again. He was looking at Ohno as if he was weighing his options, hesitant in a way that made Ohno's heart hurt.  
  
"We need to talk about this, Satoshi," Jun mumbled, and Ohno couldn't help but notice the slight tremble in his voice when he spoke. "I have to talk this out to you or else we won't ever get to. Then it will happen again and I'm certain it will only be a matter of time before we end up where we started, and frankly, I don't think I ever want to go back there again."  
  
He bit his tongue in lieu of saying inappropriate; he was sure that anything he came up with at this point would only make matters worse.  
  
"There's nothing to talk about," he said, picking up the mug pretending examining its content. "I - It was just a dream, for god's sake. Don't make it into something it's not."  
  
"Oh, but it is, isn't it? It's never just been 'something' to you, it never has been, and I get it, I really do, but this -" Jun paused, breathed deeply.  
  
"This is seriously humiliating, you know?" Jun said, after a long beat, like he'd thought about what to say and how to say them. "I did try to understand you, and I'm still trying to, because I know how much you  _loved_  him. I'm not blind, Satoshi, okay, I know what his  _death_ did to you, but this can't go on forever. It's hard enough for my ego to accept that the reason you stayed with me was because I kept you sane, back then when you thought you wanted to end everything. Because you did show me that you cared, that I wasn't just like one of those forgettable one-night stands you fuck one night and gone the next. I swear I could live with the fact that I won't ever get to have you to myself completely, that I'll be sharing your heart with another man for as long as I stay with you, but what's unacceptable is that I have to constantly compete with his memories when you and I both know I shouldn't. He's dead, Satoshi, and I refused to engage myself into a fight that I'm certain I won't be able to win." Jun pointed out, like he need Ohno to understand it, like Ohno didn't know.  
  
Ohno shook his head yet again, feeling so undeserving of all this.  
  
He looked up and was once again floored with how vulnerable Jun was at the moment, the way he was openly bearing his soul for Ohno to see.  
  
"Jun, I -" he started, but cut himself halfway, unable to make himself say the words knowing an apology wasn't what Jun needed from him right now, but something else. Something Ohno knew he couldn't give Jun, and who knew if he ever could.  
  
He'd given it once and had promised himself never to take it back, and the only other person he'd freely given it to had not only accepted it, he'd also kept it with him and had taken it with him to his grave.  
  
He lowered his gaze and for one, heartbreaking moment, he realized he couldn't breathe.  
  
"Don't waste your time loving a dead person because we both know he won't ever come back to reciprocate it. Keep him in your memory for as long as you want, remember him sometimes if that's how you prefer it, and I swear I won't say anything but just... just remember, you're still here. You're still alive, Satoshi, so, live."  
  
"Don't let the dead hinder your chance to be happy." Jun said, reaching over to catch Ohno's hands in between Jun's own.  
  
Ohno averted his gaze, knowing it was easier said than done.  
  
  
++  
  
The hours seemed to drag itself longer than usual, and Aiba felt the strain of waiting weighing him down. He and Kazuko-san spent the night sitting on Nino’s bedside, watching Nino sleep, and somehow, it was evident in the way that they’ve barely spoken to each other after Kazuko-san’s revelation surrounding Nino’s supposed death that they were both scared.  
  
Scared that Nino wouldn’t open his eyes again, the same way he did the day before.  
  
He’d gone out for a smoke half an hour ago and decided to stretch out his legs by sitting outside for a bit, though he mostly just wanted to be alone to think. He was certain that Kazuko-san knew what was bothering him, that something else was weighing in his mind, and it was heavy enough to keep him up all night worrying about it, apart from watching Nino in his sleep.  
  
How was he going to tell Ohno this?  
  
Of course,  _not_ telling Ohno was obviously out of the question. The other man had all the right to be informed about this very sudden development, despite the circumstances. Hell, they all have the right to know everything about this, circumstances be damned. Kazuko-san didn’t have to hide the fact surrounding Nino’s condition, no matter what, and he refused to understand her reasons, even though he wouldn’t ever tell her that to her face. Aiba just didn’t know whether he had to wait out until he’d talked to Nino and Kazuko-san again, just for propriety’s sake, if only to make sure he wasn’t about to mess things up further by literally dropping the bomb into Ohno’s face and expect him not to do anything drastic.  
  
Obviously, doing so would be like a train wreck waiting to happen, and the last thing Aiba wanted was to cause those he loved the heartbreak they would certainly suffer the minute this got out. They’ve all had to suffer the same thing for six years, after all, and Aiba would want to avoid causing more pain if he could help it.  
  
Though, he didn’t doubt it, not even for one bit, that the news of Nino  _‘waking up_ ’ would definitely make Ohno happy, but it would also tear Ohno’s heart apart at the same time, realizing that the love of his life was alive all this time, while he’d went on his way and moved on, thinking Nino was gone forever.  
  
Aiba groaned and dropped his head in between his hands, internally suffering. Of course, telling Ohno was one thing; there was obviously the issue of Nino’s mental state, of his lost memories, and that one was huge enough to make Aiba pause and think. He couldn’t outright ask Nino last night, even though the urge was overwhelmingly strong he had to fight it off by repeatedly reminding himself of Nino’s condition.  
  
Somehow, the fact only seemed to break Aiba’s heart even more.  
  
The doctor had said something about Nino  _not_  remembering anything about the accident, and through further inquiries, revealed that Nino had only fragments of memories from around five years before the accident happened. Nino couldn’t remember ever going into college, or anything that happened after his twentieth birthday. When asked if he remembered his age, Nino had frowned and said he was certain he would turn twenty in a few weeks, but that it was weird that everyone he knew looked old, including himself.  
  
Aiba didn’t have to be a doctor to know what that meant.  
  
It was clear that Nino had lost years worth of memories, including the ones when he’d met and fallen in love with Ohno, the next couple of years they were together, and the years he spent in a coma.  
  
How was he supposed to tell Ohno this, too?  
  
God, it was difficult enough being here, knowing what he had to do, but couldn’t, feeling like his hands were tied tightly behind him and couldn’t escape. He had been seriously considering throwing cautions to the wind and just get it over and done with, call Ohno now and tell him to come right over to see Nino, but that _sensible thinking_  part of him simply wouldn’t agree.  
  
He couldn’t even put the responsibility of informing Ohno to Kazuko-san, knowing that the older woman obviously didn’t give two shit about Ohno right now, so, that left Aiba with too little choices in his hands.  
  
He took his phone out of his jean’s pocket and stared miserably at it, the way he’d done so many times in the last half hour. He’d taken it out and stared at it, contemplating, before ending up shoving it back into his pocket again. This time, he’d went as far as unlocking the screen and tapping on the Call icon, slid his finger down to find Ohno’s name and hovered on it for a while before the feel of his phone vibrating in his hand startled him.  
  
He blinked, and realized he was staring at Ohno’s name on the screen, calling him. Without thinking, he tapped Accept and slapped the phone against his left ear.  
  
 _Aiba-chan, hello. It’s Ohno. Is this a good time? I mean, can we talk?_  
  
Aiba nodded, then realized Ohno couldn’t actually see him. He cleared his throat and huffed out a garbled, “Yes.” hoping he didn’t sound as startled as he felt.  
  
 _Yeah, well, I just. I was actually thinking of, you know, going there. To visit. So, well, I was just wondering if you’re free this weekend to, you know, have coffee or something? I mean, I was actually planning on dropping by to see - I mean, to visit his g-grave, so I was thinking if you’re, um, free, to, well, go with me? I just -_  
  
Aiba shut his eyes and wondered if this was some kind of divine intervention, feeling his heart beating a mile a minute, not exactly hearing the rest of what Ohno was saying.  
  
“I was seriously about to call you, too, Oh-chan,” he found himself saying, cutting Ohno off without meaning to.  
  
 _Oh, does that mean you’re not free?,_  Ohno was saying, clearly misunderstanding. _It’s okay, I mean, I’ll just. I know my way around, anyway. I mean -_  
  
“No, no, I mean, it’s fine.” Aiba cut him off again, feeling his eyes sting at knowing he had a lot to say but couldn’t. He could, of course, but not right now and obviously not on the phone. He wouldn’t do that to Ohno, no, he just couldn’t.  
  
 _Really?_  
  
“Yeah,” Aiba breathed. “So, well, just message me what time you will arrive so I could pick you up from the station. How’s that?” he added. That settled it, he thought, already dreading the moment he would have to be the one to tell Ohno everything, but he figured it couldn’t be helped.  
  
 _That would be wonderful_ , Ohno said, sounding relieved.  _So, what was that you wanted to talk to me about? You said you were about to call me, right?_  
  
Aiba never felt so helpless, until that moment, when his heart had wanted him to scream, _Yes, it’s about Nino!!!_ , but he knew he couldn’t. At least not yet.  
  
Instead, he settled on, “Nothing. I just wanted to say hello.” and laughed even though he didn’t mean to.  
  
Ohno did the same from the other end and said,  _Ah, well, I just read your mind, then? It’s fine, I’ll see you in a few days, yeah?_  
  
 _If you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’d probably be on your way here, planning my demise as we speak. But as it was, you couldn’t._  
  
 _And man, I don’t know whether to be glad or not_ … Aiba thought and hang up before he ended up saying something he knew he would certainly regret later.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the additional pairings and warning.

Aiba came back to the sight of Kazuko-san crying, and Nino stomping about on the bed.   
  
Sakurai-Sensei was there, too, along with the nurses, but they seemed to have decided to remain quiet amidst the confusing chaos, while Nino pounded his fists on the mattress.   
  
“I demand to know what’s happening,  _ god damn it _ !” Nino yelled, and Aiba found himself half-running towards him before he even realized what he was doing, his gaze darting between Nino and the doctor, and to Kazuko-san sobbing quietly in the corner.    
  
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he mumbled, reaching over to grab Nino’s arms. Nino wriggled as if he’d been scalded, glancing up at him with something fierce in his eyes.    
  
“Everything!” Nino snapped, “Quit making me feel like nothing is wrong because I’m sick of it!”   
  
“Nino-chan, please, we’re not -”   
  
“You’re in this, too!” Nino hissed, pushing him away. “Don’t think you’re off the hook just because you chooses to play innocent!”   
  
Aiba felt like his heart just plummeted to the ground. “Nino, I don’t -”   
  
“Yes, you do!” Nino hissed. “Tell me what in hell happened to me and why I couldn’t remember a damn thing!” Nino yelled, frustrated and equal-parts pissed. Aiba wished he could do something,  _ anything, _ to help ease Nino’s pain, his frustration that seemed to cripple him from within.    
  
Aiba couldn’t, though, and that was heartbreaking enough as it was. “Nino, please calm down -” he said, reaching over to hold Nino’s arm, then paused when he spied the doctor doing the same.   
  
“Ninomiya-san, please listen to Aiba-san. You need to calm yourself -”   
  
“Calm down?!” Nino yelled; “You expect me to calm down when I’m like this? Put yourself in my position, Aiba-shi, Sensei, and you tell me if you could calm down, knowing that your brain refused to cooperate and you can’t remember shit when you know you’re supposed to!”   
  
“I told you it’s going to take some time,” Sakurai-Sensei insisted, crossing the short distance with an outstretched hand to grab onto Nino’s forearm. Aiba refused to step aside, allowing the doctor just enough room to squeeze himself between Aiba and the bedside table.    
  
“Please try to calm down, Ninomiya-san,” Sakurai-Sensei repeated. “Getting frustrated over this won’t help, I already told you.”   
  
“Obviously, doing that doesn’t help, either!” Nino snapped, “So, why don’t all of you just sit down and tell me what I need to know?” Nino grunted, his expression softening just the tiniest bit at the sound of his mother’s muffled sobs.   
  
Aiba was torn between leaving Nino and going to her to comfort her, but he steeled his resolve. She was obviously just as stubborn as her son, and knowing her, Aiba was certain she would have preferred it better if Nino didn’t regain his memories back, for everyone involved. Aiba refused to take her side but he also didn’t want to hurt her by saying so, out loud.   
  
He tried his very best not to say anything, now, but he couldn’t promise not to do so in the future.    
  
He squeezed Nino’s shoulder in understanding, just as Sakurai-Sensei gestured behind him. “Nino, you know it’s not that easy. I mean -”   
  
“Those are my memories I want back, Aiba-shi!” Nino hissed, cutting him off. “Is that hard to understand?” Nino said the last bit softly, the look on his face heartbreaking enough to make things in Aiba’s chest ache fiercely.    
  
He struggled with words he knew he couldn’t say, meeting Kazuko-san’s pleading gaze from against the far wall where she’d ended up against, holding Nino as tightly as Nino would allow him, pressing his lips against the crown of Nino’s head softly.   
  
“No, certainly not,” he whispered, just loud enough for Nino to hear. The pain was tearing him up from the inside, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it.   
  
“But, you have to know that  _ this  _ \- this is out of our hands. We can’t give you back what you lost no matter how much we want to. We can just hope you’ll get them back yourself, maybe not now, but in time, when you’re ready, so just…give it some time, Nino-chan. _ Please _ .  We \- We just got you back, okay? And seeing you like this is breaking all of our hearts, and I swear we would have given you what you need already if we knew how to. There are things that we could, of course, but we were told that it would be best if we let them come back to you naturally, that forcing you to remember might not help you to remember anything at all. So please, please, try to understand us on this, Nino.” Aiba breathed hard, and squeezed Nino with all he had.   
  
He squeezed his eyes shut and the unspoken,  _ But I promise I’ll do it… I’ll tell you everything I know, even if it means doing so would hurt you _ \- remained unsaid. But Aiba promised himself, and Nino, that he would. Soon.   
  
From his peripheral, he saw Sakurai-Sensei gesturing, and one of the nurse’s there moving, syringe in hand. He caught Sakurai-Sensei’s gaze over Nino’s head, and the doctor mouthing something that distinctly seemed like ‘ _ tranquilizer _ ’ in return, before he took over and did his job.   
  
Aiba blinked on the mass of black hair below him, shut his eyes and wondered, just for a moment, how they were all going to make it past this shit without any one of them ending up getting hurt.   
  
“I can’t do this anymore, Aiba-shi,” Nino muttered into his chest, his voice soft and his fingers grasping the front of Aiba’s shirt loosening. “Please, it’s too hard. I just… _ can’t _ …” Nino’s voice trailed at the end, and Aiba let go of the tears he realized he was holding, letting the nurses move him aside as Sakurai-Sensei caught Nino’s unconscious body out of Aiba’s arms, carefully laying Nino back on the bed and sighing.   
  
Aiba took a step back, wiped the tears from his eyes and caught Kazuko-san looking.   
  
_ No, please _ … she mouthed, her expression pleading, but for once, Aiba relented.   
  
He bit his lips and shook his head.    
  
Somehow, he knew it had to be done. One way or another, they had to tell Nino. And Ohno, too. No matter how painful, how difficult it would be just thinking about facing Ohno and telling him, how hard it would be to tell Nino when Nino had no idea what he was being told. He was the only one who could, because it was clear that Kazuko-san wouldn’t ever.    
  
He ducked and kissed the top of Nino’s head, stared at his sleeping best friend’s face, quietly wishing he wasn’t about to make the biggest mistake of his life by being selfish. He could already feel his heart breaking, for Nino and Ohno both, but he knew that that, too, was inevitable. Things were fucked, coming and going, but Aiba would still choose this over everything else, of his best friend being alive than dead.   
  
It would be up to Ohno how he would take everything in, the truth, from here on.   
  
  
++   
  
Jun popped the pills into his mouth and washed them down with water from the plastic bottle he’d taken with him. Then, he leaned his forehead against the bathroom’s wall, breath heaving, letting the coldness of the concrete wall calm his frazzled nerves.   
  
It took him minutes, but he already felt much better than he was minutes ago. His eyes rivet back to the bottle containing his medication and groaned inwardly, knowing he was about to run out of supplies, again. It had been happening for the past couple of months, after all, and Jun knew this couldn’t go on like this and expect himself to get better.    
  
He thought he did, to be honest. During the first few years after he met Ohno, the nightmares have stopped, and Jun had found it easier to sleep without the pills. Maybe because then, he felt safe, cared after, even though Ohno made sure to keep that wall he carefully built around his heart impenetrable.    
  
Obviously, that was not the case anymore. During the past few years, Jun realized the pattern came back fiercer. This time, he found that he was also having troubles keeping the hallucinations at bay, that he would frequently find himself struggling with the urge to kill himself more and more while watching Ohno sleep.   
  
His doctor told him there was no way he was going to get better if he was not going to help himself, and by doing so, he meant that Jun had to put himself first, above everything else. Jun had to address his own needs and tend to them, that he had to be around people who genuinely cared for him. Jun knew what the doctor meant exactly, but he was also certain he wasn’t ready to acknowledge that then yet.   
  
He looked down at his shaking hands and wondered if somehow, it was high time that he did.   
  
He shoved his fingers into the pocket of his jacket for his wallet, before pulling out a calling card his doctor, Takahashi-Sensei, had handed over to him the last time Jun went to him for a visit. He had no wishes to change doctors, but old Takahashi-Sensei and his family was migrating to Canada by the end of this month, and therefore Jun had no other choice but to reconsider.   
  
_ He’s young but he’s more than capable, _ Jun-san, was what Takahashi-Sensei told him when Jun had  accepted the card, albeit hesitantly.  _ I won’t recommend him to you if I know he’s not. He’s one of the best, I’m telling you. I’ve already mentioned you to him so I’m sure he’ll be expecting your call. And I hope you would, Jun-san. I’d hate to leave you and my other patients behind but, you know, family always comes first. I hope you’ll understand _ .    
  
He turned the card over and squinted at the name of the hospital written on top, before his gaze drifted on the doctor’s name printed on the middle.    
  
** Sakurai Sho.  **   
** Department of Neuropsychology **   
** National Center of Neurology and Psychiatry  **   
** Kodaira, Tokyo **   
  
  
Jun’s gaze drifted back to the almost empty bottle of pills on the counter and sighed, already reaching around the back pocket of his pants for his phone.   
  
It wouldn’t hurt to try, Jun thought, as he keyed in the number written on the card and waited for the call to connect.        
  
  
++    
  
  
“There is no way we can keep this from them forever,” Aiba insisted, knowing for a fact that Kazuko-san understood he wasn’t just talking about Nino, but Ohno, too. He knew he was pushing past the line of propriety, but he was Nino’s best friend, for fuck’s sake - he was one of the many who had his heart broken into million, unrecognizable pieces, believing Nino was dead.    
  
Nino’s mother couldn’t hold this against him, his desire to make things right despite the fact that he had no idea where to begin, or even how to.   
  
“And you can’t possibly think that it’s going to be easy. Sure, you were able to hide this from everyone, but that’s because Nino was in a coma. Now that he’s awake, you think he’s just going to keep quiet? He would want answers, Kaa-chan!”   
  
“You think I don’t know that?!”   
  
Kazuko-san remained uncharacteristically resolute. Aiba wondered if there was more to the reasons she gave him then, why she had decided to keep Nino’s condition a secret when she could have had her family, Nino’s closest friends, Aiba himself, and especially Ohno - everyone supporting her throughout the whole ordeal, instead of doing it all alone.    
  
“Is there… Is there something you’re not telling me?” Aiba asked, her silence and the way she regarded him with a look that spoke volume he could hardly stand.    
  
There was more, he could feel it.    
  
Aiba watched the way she tried not to give anything away, but it was evident in the way her eyes turned sharper despite the tears forming there, the way her lips and chin quivered in fear.    
  
“K-Kaa-chan?”   
  
“What happened to him wasn’t just a mere accident, Ma-kun.” Kazuko-san said in a shaking voice, her tone low and gravely but Aiba heard her just the same.    
  
“W-What do you mean?”   
  
Her fingers found Aiba’s wrist, gripping it tight enough to hurt. But the look on her face evoked a different kind of pain that had Aiba gasping before he even realized what was happening.   
  
“It  _ wasn’t _ an accident,” she repeated, “Someone tried to kill my son that night and made it  _ look  _ like one.”    
  
  
++   
  
  
His hands shook against their grip on the steering wheel, and Aiba knew better than to start the car when he was this agitated. Resting his forehead against his arms and commanded himself to breathe, to calm himself down enough to think.    
  
But, how could anyone remain calm after hearing something like that?    
  
_ It wasn’t an accident; someone tried to kill my son that night and made it look like one. _   
  
He groaned, feeling his insides constricting at the idea of someone wanting to hurt Nino deliberately, to the point of killing him. Aiba knew of some people voicing out their opinions about the incident, but he’d been so devastated then to pay attention.   
  
But now, hearing the same thing straight from Kazuko-san’s mouth, Aiba wondered if somehow, there was some truth to it.    
  
Still, how could she had just said it like that? How had she known? Did she have anything conclusive to back that statement up? If so, would she use it?    
  
Would she even want to?   
  
God, just thinking of all the possibilities were enough to make Aiba’s head hurt. It was bad enough that he was still reeling at the shocking fact that his best friend had been alive all this time, and then somehow finding out that he could have really died that night because someone did try to kill him, made everything a hell of a lot complicated.   
  
But, if someone did try to hurt Nino then, who could that person be? As far as Aiba knew, Nino was alone at the house when the accident happened. Ohno did say the same thing, that Nino’s family was not present when Nino went home that day, and they agreed on having dinner with Ohno’s parents later that evening after Ohno was done with his work.   
  
Was it possible that Nino’s mother was suspecting - Ohno?   
  
Aiba shook his head. No, that would be absurd. Ohno loved Nino too much to even think of hurting Nino, let alone kill him. Aiba wouldn’t, not even for one second, believe that Ohno was capable of it, no matter what.   
  
Was that her reason for forbidding Aiba to call Ohno to inform him of Nino’s ‘recovery’? If not, then why would she still refuse when Aiba told her he had agreed to meet with Ohno this weekend? He hadn’t even managed to tell her he was planning on telling Ohno about Nino already, and she was already profusely shaking her head at him.   
  
_ Couldn’t you, I don’t know, postpone it until we have…until we have spoken to Kazu about…about him? I mean, he might just want to immediately go and see Kazu and that’s - what if seeing him only make things worse for my son? Kazu obviously doesn’t remember him. Why complicate things now when we could simply take things slow, like what you said earlier? _   
  
Aiba stared at her as if she was insane, briefly wondering if it wasn’t the case already. God, how could she even say it like that? Sure, they could, but Aiba had no intention of doing so. She knew what Nino’s death did to Ohno, and Aiba was certain that if the situation was reversed, Nino would have expected the same thing from Aiba, and Aiba wouldn’t even think twice of telling Nino what he needed to hear, no questions asked.    
  
Aiba was already dreading the moment he’d have to face Ohno and tell him these things, knowing Ohno’s tendency to act drastically, as what had happened, months after Nino’s supposed death. It wasn’t just Aiba, but everyone who knew Ohno and Nino and saw them together, that Ohno jumping into the arms of another man was Ohno’s stupid, stupid way of dealing with the pain of losing Nino then, not expecting it to last like it did.   
  
Aiba honestly didn’t want to blame Ohno, but things were obviously different now.    
  
He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen after, once Aiba had told Ohno about Nino, and Ohno was able to see Nino again.    
  
Fuck, the complications kept piling up and Aiba wondered when they would stop.   
  
His phone vibrated from where he’d carelessly thrown it on the dashboard, not expecting anyone calling him. But the name on the screen just about wiped a quarter of Aiba’s pain, as Aiba reached over to answer the call.   
  
“Hey,”   
  
_ Oh, you answered _ … the voice on the other end made Aiba smile despite everything he went through, like the person on the other line knew exactly what Aiba needed to get through this shit today, too.  _ I thought I was gonna have to report that you’re missing, good thing I have a working brain, unlike most people I know. So, are you going to tell me what happened and why you decided to drop everything and disappear? _   
  
Aiba screwed his eyes shut and wished he could magically wave her over, just so she could hold him and he could breathe her in. That would be more than enough to calm his frayed nerves down, but he knew that he couldn’t.   
  
There were so much to be done, but the last thing he wanted was to worry her unnecessarily. She didn’t deserve to be treated so badly like that, and Aiba had no intention of keeping her out of the loop when he needed all the comfort he could get. Especially now.   
  
But that could wait. Aiba had things he needed to settle first.   
  
“I’ll tell you when I get back,” he told her, knowing she would understand, like she always did. “I - Becky-chan, you do know I love you, right?”   
  
Her laughter was like nothing he ever heard before, and Aiba loved it. Loved her with all of his heart.    
  
_ Should I be scared, Masaki? You’re not off to marry someone else, are you? _   
  
He grinned, loving her even more. “I’ll marry you in a heartbeat, but you told me you won’t ever, until I proposed. So, I’m preparing. Just you wait.”   
  
There was a pause, before she spoke again.    
  
_ Something’s wrong _ , she muttered, her worries palpable.  _ Should I be worried?, _ she asked just the same.   
  
Aiba felt a phantom ache that didn’t have anything to do with her. She never made him feel like this, like he would die of heart ache, knowing the pain wasn’t his to begin with. But it hurt just the same, and Aiba promised he was going to do everything in his power to make it all better.    
  
“No, because you just made it all better, Rebecca,” he muttered, missing her. “Now be a darling and hang up before I do, okay? I promise I’ll call you once I’m done. It might take another day or two, but I promise I will explain everything properly when I get home. I love you. I love you so much.”   
  
She was quiet for a while, but when she spoke again, her voice was trembling.    
  
_ Be careful, okay? _   
  
Aiba smiled and reached down to start the ignition. “What, no I love you, too?”   
  
_ Ask me again when you come back _ , she said, her voice determined. Y _ ou won’t get anything from me until you do. _   
  
Oh, he loved her. He loved her so, so much. “You bet. So, bye?”   
  
She hesitated only a moment.  _ See you _ , she said, then hung up before Aiba did.   
  
Aiba breathed and tossed the phone back onto the dashboard, but not before typing a quick message to Ohno saying he was on his way to Tokyo, to see him.    
  
“Yeah. See you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On this part, Jun finally meets Sakurai-Sensei and is bombed with a revelation he’d never expected to hear.

It took Aiba a while to decide where to meet Ohno. He didn’t think it was worth mentioning that, while he said he was on his way to Tokyo to see Ohno, he was already there.  
  
Though he would still need to drive a long way from Kodaira to anywhere near Nishitokyo (he knew Ohno and his partner lived somewhere in Hoya, but he couldn’t be sure anymore), so he thought it would be better to just meet somewhere else.  
  
He was stuck in traffic just five minutes after he managed to get out of the hospital’s parking lot, and he was worried he would meet the same fate even before he got to the main road. So, instead of taking his chances, he messaged Ohno the name of that place in Koganei he took Becky last week, the only other place he could think of meeting Ohno that wasn’t the hospital or Ohno’s apartment, and hoped that was the best choice.  
  
He had just stopped in the intersection when his phone vibrated once again, continuously, signaling another call. Aiba grabbed it, thinking it was Becky again.  
  
It wasn’t.  
  
It was Kazuko-san.  
  
He tapped Accept and hit the speaker icon before he completely forgot to.  
  
_Masaki, where are you?_ \- she said, her voice sounded strained.  
  
Aiba steeled himself for what was coming, because the question obviously didn’t sound like one. She knew exactly where he was headed to.  
  
“In the car. I’m at the intersection now,” he said unhelpfully, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently. “Is there anything you need from me, Kaa-chan?”  
  
Somehow, what she she said next was startling as it was unexpected.  
  
_Nothing really, I just… I wanted to tell you I’ve thought about what you said, and I’ve already decided. About telling Kazu, that is. You’re right, Ma-kun. It’s unfair to keep the truth from my son, of what happened to him despite the mystery surrounding the incident, so I’ve decided to talk to him when he wakes up._  
  
Aiba released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, saw the lights change at the signal and prompted himself to drive.  
  
“Thank you, Kaa-chan,” he said, pleased. “I know it’s going to be difficult for Nino-chan, so, let’s try to make things easier for him, yeah? I - I wish I could be there with you when you talk to him but I have somewhere I need to be and this can’t wait.”  
  
_To meet Satoshi-kun, I presume?_ \- she asked, though she didn’t sound the least bit unsure. Aiba said nothing and she treated this as her cue to continue. _I can’t persuade you to reconsider, even if I ask you to, right?_  
  
“Kaa-chan, you know I can’t just -”  
  
_I understand, Ma-kun_ \- she cut in, her voice gentler now, softer, and Aiba found himself basking at the sound of it despite himself. It had been hard on her, too, and Aiba understood her fully. The last twenty four hours had been quite a shock to everyone that Aiba knew he wasn’t the only one reeling from all those unexpected revelations, kept hidden for the last six years.  
  
_I just - I think it would be better to leave some of the other minor details behind, at least those that I’m certain would only confuse Kazu more, at least for the time being._ \- she said, _I mean, of course we’d have to tell him those eventually, but right now, I think we have to focus on what’s important._  
  
Aiba’s heart ached something fierce that he wasn’t able to stop himself saying, “And by other details you mean those that have anything to do with Ohno, right?” pain and frustration mingling in his chest.  
  
She was quiet for a moment before she was speaking again. _My son doesn’t remember him_ \- she said, pointing out the obvious as if Aiba needed reminding. _I think it would be better to leave it at that for now._  
  
Aiba’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel as he breathed deeply. Maybe it was for the best, he thought; telling Nino about Ohno now might only trigger unpleasant results, such as Nino demanding to know why the supposed love of his life wasn’t around when he woke up. Besides, since Nino only remembered fragments of his life before he met Ohno, what would be the point of telling Nino about Ohno’s existence?  
  
But that didn’t mean Ohno had to suffer the same thing. All of them, Ohno included, had suffered enough thinking that Nino died, and the least he could do to appease the pain (he hoped) would be to tell Ohno they were wrong.  
  
“Do whatever you think is best, Kaa-chan.” he said, hoping they were both about to do the same.  
  
Somehow, Aiba knew that talking to Nino would be easier, despite Nino’s frustration about the whole damn thing. Nino would simply have to listen and take everything in, hoping that being told such things would help him remember.  
  
Dealing with Ohno, however, would certainly not going to be a complete cake walk.  
  
Aiba sighed and wondered if he was really up to this, if he was ready to face Ohno and handle the older man after Aiba was done talking, but he knew he had to, no matter the outcome. No one would volunteer to do this job after all, to go out of their way to talk to Ohno especially since Ohno had obviously moved on with his life, and therefore had nothing to do with Nino anymore, but being their friend, Nino and Ohno both, Aiba felt like it was the right thing to do.    
  
_You do the same, Ma-kun_ \- was what she told Aiba in return, before she hung up.  
  
Aiba sighed deeply and wondered vaguely how uncomplicated his life was just a couple of days ago, and honestly already missing it. Somehow, he could no longer remember how peaceful life had been, not when he hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep ever since that moment he found himself staring at his best friend’s face, wondering if he was dreaming.  
  
Then he remembered the way Nino had smiled at him as if the past six years didn’t happen, as if Aiba didn’t spend those years missing him, hoping for another chance to see him again, and realized how stupid he was for even liking the uncomplicated-ness of it all, before that night. Despite it all, Aiba wasn’t going to trade this for anything, complicated or not.  
  
He would welcome the hardships that came along with having Nino here, alive, no matter the consequences. The complications, Aiba told himself, were too little compared to the fact that Nino is alive. He would brave it all, even if he didn’t know he could.  
  
For Nino. For his best friend.  
  
And he knew he’d just barely started.  
  
  
++  
  
Sakurai-Sensei wasn’t exactly what Jun was expecting.  
  
Of course, after having old Takahashi-Sensei as his appointed doctor for years, it was kind of difficult to stray away from his expectations that Takahashi-Sensei’s replacement would be the same as him : a balding old man in his fifty’s, with goofy eyes and equally goofy smile to match it. Jun had honestly expected the worse, because, the man standing right before him didn’t look an inch like Takahashi-Sensei.  
  
Ah, yes. Takahashi-Sensei did mention the doctor was of Jun’s age, Jun reminded himself wryly.  
  
“Matsumoto Jun-san, right?” Sakurai-Sensei said, gesturing Jun inside with an elegant wave of his hand. Jun bowed, walked in with his eyes trained on the tiled floor and was met halfway by Sakurai-Sensei, offering his outstretched hand out to Jun. Jun accepted the handshake, albeit hesitantly, feeling his previous edginess melting at the way Sakurai-Sensei had Jun’s hand in a firm but careful grip.  
  
“I’m Sakurai Sho,” Sakurai-Sensei introduced himself without letting go of Jun’s hand. “I gathered you’re here because of Takahashi-Sensei’s request?” Sakurai-Sensei inquired.  
  
Jun nodded and cleared his throat, before remembering tugging his hand away. Sakurai-Sensei seemed not to notice Jun’s discomfort as Jun was led towards the cream-coloured couch there, situated on the opposite end of the office (or was this a clinic?), and not on the chair in front of the working table Sakurai-Sensei was seated from before where Jun had expected to be invited to sit.  
  
Jun quietly followed and sat when Sakurai-Sensei gestured him to.  
  
“Sorry, but I just prefer it better to talk here.” Sakurai-Sensei said by way of explanation, smiled and pointed at the couch they were now sitting on as if he knew what Jun was thinking. It also didn’t escape Jun’s attention that Sakurai-Sensei didn’t refer to him as a patient, when they both knew that was the case.     
  
Jun tilted his head in affirmation, but kept quiet. He honestly didn’t know what to say. He was certain it would have been easier for him to talk if the doctor Takahashi-Sensei told him to meet was close to the old doctor himself, appearance-wise at least, because then it wouldn’t feel like he was meeting a stranger all over again.  
  
“Are you okay, Jun-san?” Sakurai-Sensei inquired once again, the tone of his voice remained soft and unhurried. “Ah, sorry. Is it okay if I just address you with your first name? Addressing people with their last names makes me feel like I’m always talking to their parents, if you know what I’m saying.”  
  
“I don’t have any problem with that.” he agreed, diverting his gaze somewhere behind Sakurai-Sensei’s shoulder.  
  
By doing so, he was able to take in the office/clinic’s surprisingly elegant appearance, despite its interior’s simplicity. The white-washed walls were covered with wallpapers instead of them being painted over, the design similar to the tiled floor. There were streaks of off-white and baby-blue lines, barely visible, but they matched perfectly with the design of the wallpapers pasted on the walls.  
  
Aside from the office table and the two chairs in front of it, there were also two balance balls - red and purple in color - sitting at the farther corner, to the right side of the door. Next to them was something that looked like a digital weighing scale and, from what Jun could gather from the relative distance, something that looked exactly like a pair of - _dumbbells?_  
  
Is this a makeshift gym, too?  
  
“Hmm, I like to work out when I’m not too busy?” Sakurai-Sensei said, sounding part-amused and equal-parts embarrassed. “Still haven’t completed the five-minute exercise using the balance ball, though.” Sakurai-Sensei added, like an after-thought.  
  
Jun chuckled, feeling slightly amused himself. He knew exactly what Sakurai-Sensei was talking about. Once purchased, along with it was a compilation of video tutorials using the balance balls as exercise tools. The five minute one was seriously the easiest.  
  
“I have.” he mumbled, realizing he’d admitted his thoughts out-loud without him actually meaning to.  
  
“Oh, you have?” Sakurai-Sensei exclaimed and stood. Jun mentally slapped himself upside the head, and watched Sakurai-Sensei crossed the way towards where the balance balls were, stopped, then beckoned Jun over.  
  
Jun, against his better judgments, did what he’d been requested and joined Sakurai-Sensei there.  
  
Together, they stood over the balance balls, Sakurai-Sensei pointing down at them. “I haven’t really gotten past the two and a half minute mark before I’m already rolling over and dropping on my butt,” Sakurai-Sensei admitted, sounding and looking sheepish.  
  
“And no, don’t make me try it out for you to see. It’s embarrassing.”  
  
Jun shook his head and realized he was grinning. He looked up and saw Sakurai-Sensei gazing thoughtfully at the balance balls, like he was beginning to wonder the merits of using them. Jun chuckled, couldn’t not, finding himself amused at this unexpected development more than anything.  
  
Was this really Sakurai-Sensei’s way of putting his new patients at ease, Jun wondered, because it honestly felt like it. His awkwardness during the first few minutes of their meeting had mysteriously dissipated without Jun realizing it that it was easy to think past the real reason why he was here.  
  
Maybe, that was Sakurai-Sensei’s plan, too. For them to start this out differently, so Jun could be assured he wouldn’t just be changing doctors, but meeting a new friend, too.  
  
Jun honestly liked the sound of that.  
  
“Well, if you want, I can just show you how it’s done,” Jun said, leaning down to grab one of the balance balls - the purple one - and rolled it over next to Sakurai-Sensei’s feet. “If you want me to, that is.” he said.  
  
Sakurai-Sensei looked and sounded pleased when he gestured with his hand for Jun to take over.  
  
“By all means, Jun-san.”  
  
  
++  
  
  
Ohno honestly hadn’t expected to see Aiba so soon, not when he’d already planned ahead and cleared his weekend free but he guessed things happened for a reason. Aiba’s text message seemed rather urgent, despite it lacking anything significant to warrant the way Ohno had felt like he’d been punched in the gut after reading it, without an emoji or others added to it, but Ohno felt it just the same.  
  
The next message came not even twenty minutes later, and with it only mentioned the name of that newly-opened coffee and bar restaurant in East Koganei, very near to Edo-Tokyo Open Air Architectural Museum - the La Verde Bar and Restaurant - where Aiba said he would be waiting for Ohno.  
  
Ohno and Jun’s apartment was in _Tanashi-cho,_ a few blocks away from that famous _Tanashi Shrine_ itself. It would only take him minutes to reach _Koganei_ by bus but the urgency thrumming under his skin was enough to make him decide to take the taxi instead.  
  
It was only half past ten in the morning, and Ohno was supposed to meet Jun for lunch, but he doubted he was going to make it. Jun hadn’t said anything about it this morning before Jun left to meet Higayashima’s assistant, after all, so Ohno wasn’t that worried Jun would be upset if he said he couldn’t go.  
  
His phone went off again by the time he was flagging a cab. When he checked, it was from Aiba.  
  
It simply read, _Oh-chan, I’m here_.  
  
Ohno breathed through his nose and pocketed his phone, strapped himself in and told the driver where he needed to go.  
  
++  
  
Jun was pleasantly sweating when they stopped, amused at Sakurai-Sensei’s antics even despite himself. Jun had never met a man with a face and physique Sakurai-Sensei had, who looked gorgeous enough to pass up more as an idol than a doctor, but was a total dork behind that gorgeous exterior.  
  
“Here,” Sakurai-Sensei said, handing Jun a face towel as Sakurai-Sensei wiped his own face with one of the same. “Don’t worry, it’s new. I always make it a point to stock up on those here for when I am staying over and don’t have time to go to the gym properly.”  
  
Jun accepted the towel gratefully - it was white and soft to the touch - and started wiping his face and neck with it, just as he spied Sakurai-Sensei crossing the short way towards the mini-fridge there (Jun didn’t notice that, at all) and retrieved two bottles of water.  
  
Afterwards, Sakurai-Sensei gestured them back towards the couch, water bottles still in his hands. Jun complied without a word and sat, watching Sakurai-Sensei elegantly walking back from the fridge to the couch.  
  
“Here you go.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
Jun took the offered water and uncapped it, brought it to his lips and took a quick swig. Sakurai-Sensei did the same, and Jun noted the way Sakurai-Sensei’s fingers tightened on the bottle, squeezing it while drinking.  
  
“So, are you ready to talk to me now?” Sakurai-Sensei inquired as he put his half-empty bottle down and turned to give Jun his full attention. Jun did the same with his own bottle but thought better than to copy Sakurai-Sensei’s stance, and just opted on leaning back on the couch before crossing his legs.  
  
He frowned. “Of course. What made you think I wasn’t, anyway?”  
  
Sakurai-Sensei shrugged. “No offense meant, Jun-san, but yes, you weren’t. I saw it your eyes when you came in and I asked you to sit.”  
  
Jun blinked, translating that statement into words in his head and actually not liking it.  
  
“I’m not scared of you, if that’s what you’re implying.” he said around an ugly scowl, biting his tongue a second too late because the words were already out of his mouth when he remembered to stop himself.  
  
Sakurai-Sensei waved an apologetic hand at him. “No no no, I didn’t say -” Sakurai-Sensei said, then paused, giving Jun a look and then chuckling softly a few moments after. “Ah, now I understand why _Baldy_ said I should be careful. You’re a difficult one, aren’t you, Jun-san?”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
Sakurai-Sensei gave himself exactly three seconds to gape at Jun before he was laughing, loud and carefree, his head thrown back in obvious amusement as Jun rendered speechless in turn, unsure whether to feel offended or awed. Sakurai-Sensei did seem to find Jun’s sudden outburst funny, and for the life of Jun, he didn’t think someone could look so attractive, laughing so openly like that, his eyes reduced to slits, at least aside from Ohno who rarely cracked a smile when he was in Jun’s company.  
  
But apparently, Sakurai-Sensei was one of those who did look lovely when he laughed, and Jun found himself unable to keep himself from smiling in return. Sakurai-Sensei had an infectious laughter that Jun couldn’t help but laughed with him.  
  
“Oh my, I’m _so_ sorry,” Sakurai-Sensei said, hands gripping his side as mirth still tumbled out of his gorgeous mouth. Jun wondered vaguely why he’d been noticing such things when he knew he shouldn’t.  
  
  
“But just - God, you should have seen your face, Jun-san. For a second there, I was afraid I was going to be punched in the face for laughing in the most appropriate times! You looked terrifying, but it was surprising, really, that someone could look like he could murder someone else with his fingernails and yet remained so mysteriously beautiful like you did, Jun-san.” Sakurai-Sensei said without even a hint of uncertainty that Jun was honestly loss for words.  
  
Jun blinked, and knew instantly that he was blushing. “Now, you’re just making fun of me, Sensei. Seriously, if this is what I would get for changing doctors, I shouldn’t have bothered.” he muttered, lips curling into an embarrassed smile.  
  
Sakurai-Sensei shook his head, smile still in place. “Oh, Jun-san, no, please, I - I’m sorry. I really do. I’m sorry if I have offended you because of my reaction, but I promise you it wasn’t like that. I just. You seriously have a very strong face, and very expressive eyes, too, so it’s really -” Sakurai-Sensei paused here, chuckled, as if he was trying to rearrange his thoughts into words, then couldn’t, and instead settled on, “I was stunned. Laughing obviously wasn’t a proper reaction but you will find that I could be so easily amused. By anything and anyone. And the most appropriate times, even. My bad, I know. I’m so sorry. I hope you could forgive me.”  
  
Jun couldn’t help it, he was chuckling, too. It didn’t help that his brain was telling him that _that_ was rather offensive, to be told his face was terrifying as it was amusing, but that Jun honestly didn’t find anything offensive in the way Sakurai-Sensei had said it, or the way he was looking directly at Jun when he was talking.  
  
Somehow, it felt rather nice to be looked at, to be told he looked beautiful despite being terrifying all at the same time.  
  
“I’m going to accept that as a compliment, even though it honestly sounded anything but.” Jun snorted, as Sakurai-Sensei offered him another smile in return.  
  
“Thank you, Jun-san,” Sakurai-Sensei said, shifting so he was once again facing Jun, and Jun had an unobstructed view of Sakurai-Sensei’s handsome face up-close. “So, ready to do some introductions now? Hmm, I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m certain the receptionist you have talked to earlier told you that I have a patient I have to attend to in, half an hour, wow, what in hell just happened to the time?” Sakurai-Sensei winced as he checked his watch.  
  
Jun chuckled. “Well, we did spend about the same time on those balance balls.”  
  
“That was a warm up, Jun-san,” Sakurai-Sensei threw him a good-natured wink. “Always a good thing to watch a ‘client’ warm up to me by letting them see how fantastic I am with the balls.”  
  
“You weren’t.” Jun snorted, amused at this blatant lie. “You totally sucked at it.”  
  
“Of course! But don’t tell anyone that, this is our secret, okay?”  
  
Jun sighed, feigning annoyance. “You’re kind of weird, aren’t you? Are you sure you’re a real doctor? What kind of doctor are you anyway? Takahashi-Sensei said you’re kind of the best, in what, I have no idea, so I’m actually kind of worried here.”  
  
Sakurai-Sensei smirked, and this particular one looked good on him, too. He pointed at the laminated certificates hanging at the wall, and Jun simply arched his brows at Sakurai-Sensei.  
  
“Sorry, can’t read those. I forgot to wear my glasses.”  
  
Sakurai-Sensei took this in stride and shrugged. “I’m a Neuropsychologist, Jun-san.”  
  
Jun blinked. “I was expecting something similar to what Takahashi-Sensei is, a Psychiatrist, if I remember it correctly? but, okay, there’s ‘psychology’ in there, too, so I guess you must know what you’re doing.”  
  
“Don’t worry, Jun-san, I promise you’re in good hands.” Sakurai-Sensei said, sounding awfully confident. Jun looked at him dubiously.  
  
“So, introductions?” Sakurai-Sensei followed.  
  
Jun eyed the doctor warily. _Seriously?_ “You already know my name, even my age and phone number, courtesy of your receptionist, of course. Do I need to tell you what my favorite color is? Or what I had for breakfast this morning? Maybe what I’ve put in my mouth the night before?” he said, promptly blushing remembering exactly what he’d put in his mouth the previous night that obviously didn’t want to be there.  
  
Sakurai-Sensei grinned. “Whatever you feel like telling me.”  
  
Jun rolled his eyes. “I thought you were supposed to ask me questions,” he countered, frowning, “Or is this how you usually ‘deal’ with clients so they won’t end up running off after your first meeting?”  
  
“Not really,” Sakurai-Sensei said, mouth twitching just the tiniest bit. “Just trying out a different approach, is all. As I’ve said earlier, you’re one of the most difficult ones I’ve had in a while, so I’m doing my best to be careful.”  
  
“That just make it sound so awful,” he grimaced. “I mean, why don’t you just try and do the usual? _Your_ usual, at least. I couldn’t all be that different.”  
  
“Oh, believe me, Jun-san, _you_ are.”  
  
Jun harrumphed. “In what way?”  
  
Sakurai-Sensei shrugged. “You’re questioning my ability as a doctor, for one. I haven’t had a client who questioned my degree and my capability to do my job. This is a first.”  
  
Damn you and your big mouth, Matsumoto. “Err, sorry?”  
  
“No need to apologize, no,” Sakurai-Sensei said. “Different people, different approach, that’s my motto. I actually shouldn’t be telling you this but I feel like you ought to know it just the same. I know I’ve said you’re difficult, but I didn’t mean that like it’s a bad thing. I mean, you’re obviously a strong-headed person, Jun-san, and I gathered that a normal approach won’t work on you. You’re stubborn - you know what you want and you have no qualms of doing whatever you can to get it, but that quality often gets you to question your own worth. And that’s what we’re going to be working on, if you agree to work with me, that is.”  
  
Jun stared, stunned. No one had ever described Jun himself that way, on point and scarily accurate.  
  
“So, what’s your decision, good Sir? I only have a few minutes left to sign you up for your next visit so -”  
  
“Sensei, your eleven thirty is waiting for you.” someone spoke from the door, and effectively cutting Sakurai-Sensei off. Jun blinked and saw Sakurai-Sensei smiling apologetically at him.  
  
“I’ll be out in a minute, Kiritani-san,” Sakurai-Sensei called back, before turning to Jun. “Your decision, Jun-san?”  
  
He stood just as Sakurai-Sensei did, too, knowing he was bound to agree anyway. “Fine, okay.”  
  
“Great,” Sakurai-Sensei exclaimed, catching Jun’s hands for another heartfelt handshake. Jun found himself grinning before he realized he was doing it. “That’s fantastic. Come with me and I’ll direct you to Mizuhara-san. She’ll handle our schedules so I won’t mess it up.” Sakurai-Sensei said, leading Jun towards the door and opening it.  
  
Outside, a small, pretty nurse was waiting. She smiled and bowed her head at them. Jun returned the gesture in kind.  
  
“This is Kiritani-san,” Sakurai-Sensei introduced her, “Kiritani-san, meet Matsumoto Jun-san. The one Takahashi-san was talking about, you remember?”  
  
“Oh,” she exclaimed, demurely. Jun didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. “Nice to finally meet you, Matsumoto-san.” Jun smiled and decided not to say anything as Sakurai-Sensei led him towards another opened door.  
  
“Kiko-chan, are you here?”  
  
A moment later, a woman grunted from somewhere around the vicinity of the ceiling, and they found themselves staring up at her, sitting atop a ladder, her long legs dangling in the air as she fixed something there.  
  
“Jesus Christ, what are you doing?!” Sakurai-Sensei muttered, looking and sounding horrified. Jun honestly mirrored his sentiment, and he was torn between coming to the woman’s rescue and fainting.  
  
“Fixing the light, what does it look like?”  
  
“That’s what the electricians are for, Kiko-chan, for Christ’s sake! Get your skinny butt down here and call someone to do that for you, jeez!”  
  
“I got this!”  
  
Kiritani-san giggled behind them. “I already told her that but you know how she is. She said she doesn’t need any man to do things for her.”  
  
Sakurai-Sensei whipped his head around and gave Kiritani-san a disbelieving stare. “This is different!”  
  
“Tell her that yourself, Sensei.”  
  
“I’m done, just wait a second.” Kiko-chan exclaimed from the ceiling, waving her shapely hand at them.  
  
Jun watched as the woman slowly descended from above the ladder, and landed gracefully on her naked feet. She smiled cheerfully and slipped on her heels, left the ladder where it was and went to meet them by the door.  
  
“Hello, it’s Matsumoto Jun-san, right? I’m Mizuhara Kiko, the one you talked to on the phone earlier.” she said, offering her hand.  
  
Jun accepted, tongue-tied. He wondered if this hospital was only accepting good-looking employees, seeing how true that was after meeting the doctor and the nurse, and now this model-like woman who was smiling cheerfully towards Jun.  
  
“Ah, yes. Nice meeting you, Mizuhara-san -”  
  
“Kiko is fine,” she countered, before Jun could even finish. “Mizuhara-san is my dad, or my Mom, depending on who you are talking to,” she said, turning her pretty smile on Sakurai-Sensei. “Right, Sensei?”  
  
“I told you to stop eavesdropping on me when I’m talking to a client, Kiko-chan!” Sakurai-Sensei whined, but he looked more like an indulging older brother than a superior verbally boxing his subordinate’s ears.  
  
Jun chuckled and was most certain he would enjoy visiting this hospital from here on.  
  
“I wasn’t eavesdropping! You left the door wide open, you don’t remember?”  
  
“I did no such thing!”  
  
“Ah, that’s enough,” Kiritani-san piped up from where she was sitting on Jun’s right, watching the spectacle happening in front of them as if it was something normal. She glanced on the watch on her wrist and gestured at it, too. “You’re both scaring Matsumoto-san off, if you haven’t noticed it. Also, Sensei,” she said, pointing at her wrist.  
  
“You’re ten minutes late, already. Ninomiya-san is already awake and is waiting for you.”  
  
Jun blinked, then stared at Kiritani-san as if she’d grown two heads, turning round to catch Sakurai-Sensei chuckling and nodding at Kiritani-san. Then, turning to give Mizuhara-san further instructions before he bowed his head, he turned to Jun and excused himself.  
  
“I have to go, Jun-san. Kiko-chan here will let me know when you’re coming next for a visit. I’ll see you then, yeah? It was really lovely meeting you today. I’m sorry I really have to go.” Sakurai-Sensei said.  
  
Jun didn’t know if he said anything to Sakurai-Sensei in return, could vaguely hear Mizuhara-san talking through the heavy pounding of blood through his ears, as Sakurai-Sensei started walking but not before turning to Kiritani-san and saying,  
  
“Go ahead and tell Kazuko-san I’ll be there in a few minutes. Let me just take a quick trip to the lab to get Ninomiya-san’s test results. I’ll be right after you.”  
  
_Kazuko-san?_  
  
_Nino - miya - san?_  
  
Jun closed his eyes and barely felt the way Mizuhara-san’s fingers closed around his wrist, shaking him out of his stupor, his heart expanding in his chest he was afraid it was going to explode and kill him. He knew that name, had heard it a thousand times over the last six years, from the lips of his own lover and the people who knew him, but.  
  
But - this one, the name he heard just now, it belonged to an entirely different person, right?  
  
“Matsumoto-san, are you okay? Oh my god, you’re so white, do you want me to call Sensei back so he could -”  
  
He turned and found Mizuhara-san tugging at his arm, looking genuinely worried. He swallowed through the lump that lodged itself in his throat and forced the words out.  
  
“M-Mizuhara-san, I’m so sorry, I know this is going to sound odd but I just - can I ask you something?” he asked, his own fingers now wrapped around Mizuhara-san’s slender wrist.  
  
“O-Of course. What is it?”  
  
Jun cleared his throat. “I - h-heard about Sakurai-Sensei’s next patient, N-Ninomiya-san, right?”  
  
She nodded; she still looked worried but she was looking at him oddly. “Yes. One of Sensei’s very first patients here. He was already here before I started working in this hospital.”  
  
Jun braved the urge to shut up, knowing he was acting like a complete whack job. Mizuhara-san was already looking at him as if she was considering calling someone up so they could throw Jun out or something.  
  
Jun just didn’t care.  
  
“I - Could you tell me how long he’s been a patient here?” he asked, voice shaking at the syllables.  
  
Mizuhara-san blinked. “Hmm, not sure but from what I heard, around five years or so? He was in a coma, and had just regained consciousness a couple of days ago.” she said, then. “Wait, do you know him?”  
  
Jun knew he should say _No_ , shake his head and tell her to fix his schedule with Sakurai-Sensei so he could go, but somehow, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.  
  
“I-If his name is Ninomiya Kazunari-san,” he said, breathing around the name he didn’t, not even in his most vulnerable state, would have dreamed of saying, not then, and definitely not six years later, after that person’s death.  
  
“Then yes, I _know_ him.”  
  
Mizuhara-san’s eyes were wide, and her lips formed a soundless ‘O’ before she recovered herself.  
  
“Oh, but, it is. That patient's name is indeed _Ninomiya Kazunari_ , Matsumoto-san.”she said, and Jun felt as if his whole world had collapsed around him.


	6. Chapter 6

The tests came back with promising results and Sho found himself relieved beyond relief itself.  
  
It was surprising, as much as everything else about Ninomiya, but Sho realized that he didn’t mind much. In fact, he’d never felt this invested towards anyone before, patient or no, and he knew that at one point, he had to stop and think about his actions, and he would, but not today.  
  
Today, he was looking forward on telling Ninomiya the good news, to inform him that in a few days time, he would be allowed to go home. Sho honestly didn’t know how to feel about that one, too, knowing for certain that he would miss Ninomiya terribly once he’d left the hospital.  
  
But the prospect of meeting Ninomiya outside was enticing as much as it was promising, and Sho honestly wished Ninomiya would allow him the privilege once Sho asked for it.  
  
Well, as his doctor and as his friend, at least for the time being.  
  
For now, that would be more than enough for Sho.  
  
He knocked on the door once, twice, a muffled voice calling out prompting him to come in. He pushed the door forward, his smile already in place, waving the test results around excitedly, and stopped.  
  
“We can do this later, Kazu,” said Kazuko-san, “Once the doctor is done -”  
  
“No, he needs to hear this, too, Kaa-chan,” Ninomiya returned, unperturbed. “I want him right here when you tell me what exactly happened to me that night.”  
  
“But I don’t really - I don’t have all the answers,” Kazuko-san insisted. “I…I wasn’t there when…when the accident happened.”  
  
“Then, who was?” Ninomiya insisted. “Someone should be, right? Was it Aiba-kun?”  
  
Kazuko-san shook her head. “No.”  
  
“I-Is…Is everything alright?” Sho asked, just loud enough to preempt Ninomiya.  
  
Ninomiya turned and gestured him further inside, and Sho did. From his peripheral, he saw Kazuko-san moved, finding another chair and pushing it over near Sho. He looked around and frowned at the lack of Nurse Kiritani around.  
  
“Not really, Sensei,” Ninomiya said, but his gaze was directed at his mother, at Kazuko-san who looked like she wished nothing more but to be anywhere but here. “But I’m hoping that is going to change once my Mom is done talking. Now please have a seat. You need to hear this, too.”  
  
“I _don’t_ …understand. Is there something wrong?”  
  
Ninomiya waved him off. “She told me she’s going to tell me what she knows, about that night the accident happened,” Ninomiya said. “You might want to sit down for this, though.”  
  
To his mother, he said, “You were saying, Kaa-chan?” just as Sho opted to sit down, gaze catching the helpless look on Kazuko-san’s face. Sho wanted to say something, to warn her of the possible repercussions of what she was about to do, but he got this feeling that doing so would only make him look bad in front of Ninomiya.  
  
Besides, despite his inner-doctor telling him he should do something, his curiosity obviously wanted the same thing Ninomiya was insistently asking his mother for.  
  
Kazuko-san wiped the moisture off her cheeks with the back of her hands and lowered her gaze to the ground.  
  
“I can only tell you what I know, Kazu,” she started, “at least the ones which I have personally looked over after you have been pronounced dead.” she said, darting her eyes towards Sho, ignoring Ninomiya’s surprised gasps.  
  
“I’m sure Sensei knows this, too, because he was here when we transferred you from that hospital in Chiba. The emergency dispatch team that came to pick you up was there, too, as was your sister’s husband.”  
  
“Husband?!” Ninomiya inquired, eyes wide. Kazuko-san ignored him.  
  
“They asked me to rectify their mistake, the emergency team, that is, since they’ve already notified us and everyone who were there when you were brought into the hospital, of your death. Your sister’s husband volunteered to do it himself, but I specifically told him not to. I have already talked to the doctors just minutes before, and I knew right then that I had to decide.” she paused here, only so she could direct her gaze at her son.  
  
“Y-You…made everyone believe I was _dead_?” Ninomiya asked, his voice uncharacteristically low and gravely. “Kaa-chan, but why? Why would you even do that?”  
  
She didn’t even blink when she answered. “They told me you weren’t going to make it anyway, that even if you did, you’re not going to be the same. As your mother, I couldn’t just… stood by and watch that happen. If you were going to wake up, then so be it, but I’m not going to allow people to look at you and then feel sorry for you right after! And the doctors were so sure you weren’t going to make it, Kazu, and in that moment, I knew I’ve already lost you. So I did what I thought was right, back then.” she breathed.  
  
“I called your sister’s husband and I instructed him to make the necessary arrangements for your funeral, left you in the hospital with your heart still miraculously beating, and join the others in mourning.”  
  
_Holy shit._ “B-But, how was that even possible without a dead body -”  
  
“I told him to keep the casket shut.” she cut in without preamble.  
  
Sho vaguely watched the way Ninomiya’s jaw dropped. This was honestly a hundred times more shocking than what Sho had imagined in his head.  
  
“But…why?” Ninomiya asked again -  he was obviously running out of words to ask - and Sho understood him perfectly.  
  
“I mean, if only to keep people from looking at me like they’re sorry I lived - if ever I woke up, that is, which I actually did, in the end - why even go to such length as to make everyone believe I died?”  
  
Her gaze went to her son, steady and unyielding. “Because I had a feeling that what happened to you wasn’t just a simple accident, Kazu,” Kazuko-san said.  
  
“And that night, seeing you fighting for your life, or at least whatever was left of it, I knew in my heart that I should, too. And if that meant keeping the truth of your condition a secret from everyone just to protect you, then that’s what I was prepared to do.”  
  
  
++  
  
Sho’s temple throbbed, signaling a beginning of a very painful headache.  
  
“I can’t believe this,” Ninomiya said, shaking his head in disbelief. “I mean, why would anyone want to do that, most of all to me?! I’m just…I’m nobody!” Ninomiya paused, obviously trying to take everything in and failing.  
  
Sho knew it must be so hard, seeing that he was only there, listening, and he was already having a hard time imagining what he just heard himself. And then on top of it all, Ninomiya couldn’t remember anything. What more if Kazuko-san mentioned the length of time Ninomiya had been in that coma?  
  
Sho wondered how nerve-wracking that must be for Ninomiya afterwards.  
  
“I hope I know the answers myself, Kazu, but I don’t and I’m sorry.” Kazuko-san said, casting her eyes downwards. “I tried, I really did, but it was hard to keep the investigation going due to lack of witness and evidence, and the police told me to just accept everything and move on.”  
  
“And you still believe it wasn’t an accident?” Ninomiya asked.  
  
“I don’t just _believe_ it, I _knew_ it.”  
  
“But you just said there was no witness or evidence, so how come -”  
  
“There wasn’t, but it was undeniable that something was off when we were told the exact position you were in when you were found.” she said, and Sho frowned despite himself, watching the way Ninomiya’s jaw clenched in answer.  
  
“You were already on the ground, but I was told you were still conscious. The police insisted it was an accident, but even they knew the way you were found lying on the ground like _that_ proved otherwise.”  
  
Ninomiya blinked. “W-What…What do you mean? Wait, are you implying… Are you saying it was possible that I… that maybe I tried to kill myself?” he asked, his voice rising in combined panic and confusion.  
  
Sho honestly mirrored Ninomiya’s sentiment. For one, he had no idea that there was more to the reports written on Ninomiya’s chart, that the accident wasn’t as simple as it had been made to seem like.  
  
She looked far too heartbroken to even want to continue, but Sho knew that she had to.  
  
“They all thought that you might have, but I knew you didn’t,” Kazuko-san said, “You couldn’t have. I mean, there was just no way, no, it’s not possible. But it was difficult no to consider the possibility, after they did their initial investigation and they’ve found evidence pointing towards the fact that you didn’t accidentally fall out of the window,”  
  
Kazuko-san looked her son in the eyes. “ Because it was evident in the way you were found lying on the ground that you jumped out of it willingly, Kazu.” she paused here.  
  
“I did - w-what?”  
  
Sho whipped around, gaping at Kazuko-san this time. Ninomiya jumped out of the window willingly? So, did this mean that what happened to Ninomiya wasn’t an accident as they were made to believe?  
  
What the fuck was going on?  
  
  
++  
  
He had no idea how he managed to get himself out of the hospital without major mishaps, or how he was able to get to the parking lot, much more find his car  when he was certain he’d left his brain somewhere else.  
  
Probably at the front of Ninomiya Kazunari’s hospital room door where Jun had found himself peeking through, after Sakurai-Sensei had gone in and closed it behind him.  
  
He’d have to fend Mizuhara-san off, who was so worried that she wanted to call Sakurai-Sensei back to check on Jun again, had to convince her that he was fine, _please, I just need to go buy something to drink from the vending machine, so can I just come back here and take my schedule with Sakurai-Sensei from you right after?_  
  
She didn’t seem the least bit convinced when she agreed, but Jun was no longer concerned about her reaction. He had to take a detour just to make sure Mizuhara-san wouldn’t find out where Jun was actually going, finding Sakurai-Sensei boarding the elevator up. It was just a lucky coincidence that Sakurai-Sensei was alone, so it was so damn easy to figure out exactly which floor Sakurai-Sensei was going.  
  
From then, it was like a complete cake walk. Jun found Sakurai-Sensei’s retreating back just as he was stepping out of the elevator. Jun followed, was only vaguely grateful that the hallways were empty, saved from a couple of nurses he passed by on his way to follow Sakurai-Sensei. Then he stopped when he spotted Sakurai-Sensei doing the same in front of a door,  watched as Sakurai-Sensei stared down at the papers he had in his hand as he knocked on the door.  
  
When the door opened and Sakurai-Sensei stepped in and closed the door behind him, Jun followed, feeling entirely like his heart had ended up lodged in his throat. He stood in front of that door, thankful that Sakurai-Sensei left it a little ajar that Jun was able to peek through the gap.  
  
That was when Jun saw him - he was simply tilting his head and talking, urging Sakurai-Sensei to sit with just the wave of his hand, and only his side profile was visible, but it was enough. Jun had seen photos of him to know that he wasn’t just hallucinating - some from Ohno’s old photo albums Ohno had kept hidden in a box along with some of his old artworks, some from Ohno’s sister who’d hesitantly showed Jun when Jun requested her to.  
  
It was him, alright. The years that pass did nothing to change his boyish features, or the way he tended to slouch when he sit. Jun knew it was stupid of him to even think of this when there were obviously far more important stuff he should be worrying about, like, what in hell was he supposed to do now?  
  
He had forced himself away from the door before he ended up doing something he knew he would eventually regret after, and started walking. His heart was in chaos, as were his thoughts.  
  
What was he going to do now? Did Ohno know? And if he did, was this the reason why Ohno was acting the way he did lately? If he didn’t, then, what were the odds that he wouldn’t find out soon enough?  
  
Jun dropped his head heavily against his arms gripping the steering wheel hard, his whole body shaking, in anger and something else. He felt so betrayed that he found it so hard to think past the rage clouding his judgments as he reached for the keys.  
  
He needed answers, and he knew exactly where to get them.  
  
He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot with single-minded purpose.  
  
++  
  
  
The place wasn’t nearly as empty as Aiba hoped it would be when he got there, but he guessed it would have to do. He’d hoped it wouldn’t be as crowded as it tended to be during early evenings, when customers flocked the place like crazy, but that must be because it was already nearing lunch time.  
  
Most of the tables inside the cafe/restaurant were already occupied, and so Aiba decided to sit on one of the three that were still available outside. At least there, it would be easier to just drag Ohno away if things started to go sour, knowing he couldn’t do the same inside, without actually making a scene.  
  
The cafe/restaurant seemed just as homey outside as it was inside. It was honestly one of the reasons why Aiba liked the place, out of the other cafes around this area. Somehow, it wasn’t just the interior itself but the place’s ambiance in general. There wasn’t anything particularly outstanding about the cafe’s inside or outside interior, enough to set this cafe apart from the others, but somehow, Aiba liked it just the same.  
  
Maybe, it was the fact that the owners preferred to work there, too, like normal employees, instead of the usual. It was always nice to watch them interact with customers, give and take orders the same way their employees would, knowing they genuinely liked what they were doing.  
  
His phone started vibrating just as he was contemplating making a quick run back to his car for his cigarette - he didn’t realize he forgot it until he saw these unoccupied tables outside and decided sitting here would be the better choice.  
  
It was Ohno. Forgetting his desire for a smoke, he answered the call. “Oh-chan, hey.”  
  
_Aiba-chan? Yeah, I’m here. At the front of the - is this a restaurant or a cafe?_  
  
“It’s both.”  
  
_Oh, well. I’m here. Where are you?_  
  
Aiba blinked and stood, squinting at the front entrance trying to locate Ohno. “Out back, they have tables here. Oh, I see you already!”  
  
_Where? Oh, outside? But where should I -_  
  
Aiba waved, and kept at it until he was sure Ohno walked into the door, spied Ohno asking someone on his way inside. “No, you still have to go through the front entrance, to get here. Do you see me now?”  
  
_No, wait, just - yeah, I think so. Yes, stop waving already. I’m hanging up._  
  
And then Ohno did, Aiba still waving, watching Ohno pocketing his phone and shaking his head with a soft smile. Aiba grinned, but didn’t stop waving, until Ohno had crossed the short distance between the cafe’s main hall and the door leading outside.  
  
Ohno’s smile visibly widened when Aiba rounded the way and met him halfway, Aiba literally manhandling Ohno and tugging the other man for a hug. Ohno returned the gesture in kind, their arms tight around each other as Aiba closed his eyes and held on for just a second longer before he let go.  
  
“It’s so nice to see you again, Oh-chan, seriously.” Aiba said, thumping Ohno on the back and looking him over. “God, it had really been too long. I’ve missed you. You’ve got black hair now, huh?”  
  
Ohno smiled, bashful and so, so him, that Aiba couldn’t help but tug him back into his arms again for another quick hug.  
  
“We’re getting old,” Ohno muttered, once he could, when Aiba was done hugging the crap out of Ohno and had decided to gesture them towards the table he’d reserved for them.  
  
“Dyeing my hair blonde no longer suits me, apparently.”  
  
“Now, that’s seriously not true,” Aiba returned with a huff as they sat, shoving his fingers through his lightly-colored hair for show. “We could be eighty and only have few hair remaining in our heads and I would still dye it with any color I fancy. No one’s stopping me. Not even my grandchildren’s grandchildren, I’m telling you.”  
  
Ohno chuckled and shook his head at him. He said nothing in return though, and Aiba found himself wishing there were still other topics they could talk about, anything, to at least delay the real reason he called Ohno here so suddenly.  
  
He couldn’t find any, though, and the awkward silence that proceeded almost made him want to run, forget about all this and just let time take care of everything, but he knew he couldn’t.  
  
He owed Ohno this, at least. And Nino, too.  
  
“So, what was so important that you had to drive all the way from Chiba to meet me when we’re already scheduled to meet this weekend?” Ohno asked, frowning, his curiosity palpable in the way he was looking straight into Aiba’s eyes.  
  
Aiba tried to cover up his nervousness with a smile, hoping he didn’t sound as stupid as he felt.  
  
“Couldn’t we order something first?” he asked; it was a valid question, at the very least, and by doing so he knew he’d be able to buy himself some time - a few minutes would be enough to ready himself - and stood.  
  
“I’m starving. I haven’t eaten proper food since two nights ago when we went to the hospital and -”  
  
“Hospital?” Ohno asked, cutting Aiba off with a frown. “Why? Did something happen? Are your parents okay?”  
  
Aiba blinked. Trust his traitorous mouth to spill the beans when his brain had just been preparing for it, damn it.  
  
He sighed and sat back down heavily on the chair there, gluing eyes on the table for a moment. Guess that lunch, or at least that coffee, would have to wait, for now.  
  
He breathed through the terrifying pounding of his heart inside his ribcage, leaned back on his seat and stared straight into Ohno’s inquiring gaze locked on his.  
  
“They’re fine,” he answered, already feeling like he was speaking through a mouthful of cotton as he worked to arrange the words in his head and forced them out of his mouth despite the difficulty.  
  
“It’s - I - W-We went to the hospital to… to visit - I mean, for someone else.”  
  
Ohno’s frown deepened. “I-Is it Kazuko Kaa-san?”  
  
Aiba shook his head so quickly it seemed almost comical. “No, Jesus, of course not. She’s fine. Healthy as a horse, if I may say so myself.” he laughed, but it sounded shaky even in his own ears.  
  
Ohno chuckled, half-hearted at best because he was still frowning at Aiba. “The suspense is killing me here, Aiba-chan, for real. Come on, just out with it. Does you - and whoever went with you to that hospital to visit that person had to do with why you suddenly decide to drive all the way here and meet me, or am I wrongly assuming things now?”  
  
Aiba shook his head, the words felt so heavy in his tongue that he couldn’t force them out. But he had to. God, but he had to.  
  
“Yes and no,” he said, swallowing past the lump that lodged itself in his throat. “Yes, my decision to come see you, had everything to do with that hospital visit, and no, you’re not wrong. Well, not entirely.”  
  
“I don’t understand,” Ohno muttered, still frowning, but this time, the expression on his face was alarmingly confused. “That - s-should I be worried?”  
  
Aiba averted his gaze, cleared his throat. This was so hard. How was he supposed to tell Ohno everything when his heart wouldn’t let him, when it was thumping in his chest like that that Aiba was honestly worried his chest would eventually burst open any moment now and kill him before he could even say anything.  
  
“Aiba-chan?” Ohno called, prompting him. Aiba sighed heavily and leaned over, his elbows on the table as he looked Ohno over.  
  
It’s now or never.  
  
“No, I don’t supposed you should,” he said, and swallowed his fears down. “To be honest, instead of worrying, I think you should be happy.”  
  
“Sorry?”  
  
Aiba braved the urge to run, knowing he was halfway there. He reached over and took Ohno’s hands in his, noting the way his own were cold compared to the warmth of Ohno’s skin beneath his hands.  
  
“Oh-chan, I know this is going to sound crazy, and maybe a little too far fetched but - but I need you to listen to me very carefully, okay?” he said, and he knew his voice was shaking along with the rest of him.  
  
Ohno looked more than a little confused now; he seemed suspicious, but he kept his mouth shut, the line of his mouth was curled with something entirely else.  
  
He breathed through his nose and braved his own fears, knowing this was not about himself anymore.  
  
“Nino is _alive._ He was in a coma and had woken up two nights ago. In a hospital in Kodaira. I - I swear I had no idea about all this, and I’ve only just found out Nino’s not -”  
  
_“Stop_ ,” Ohno muttered and tugged his hands away, as if he’d been burned. Aiba let him. “Just - stop - what the hell are you saying, Aiba-chan? That’s - Jesus fucking Christ -” Ohno laughed, but he didn’t sound the least bit elated.  
  
Aiba knew exactly how that felt. “I - If this is your idea of a joke, I swear to god, Aiba-chan, it’s not even remotely funny.”  
  
Aiba expected this, too. “It’s not a joke, Oh-chan,” he said, “I’m not joking. I’m telling you the truth. I - Nino is _alive_ , Oh-chan. He’d been alive for the past six years, but was in a coma, when all of us thought he died. No one expected him to wake up but he did. Two nights ago. I saw it - saw him with my own two eyes, Oh-chan. I swear to you. Nino is not dead. He’s not dead. He’s alive. Nino is -”  
  
“You’re…not serious,” Ohno stuttered, “You - This is a joke, right?”  
  
“No,” Aiba remained firm. There was no way around this anymore, and Ohno’s reaction was certainly something Aiba had expected, too. “It isn’t. It isn’t, Oh-chan. I’m sorry.”  
  
Ohno pursed his lips and stood. “Fine, then, if it’s not a joke,” he said, the sound of his voice and the look on his face was terrifying. But he was agreeing, at the very least. Aiba would take that as a good thing, for now.  
  
“Come and take me to him. Right now. I want to see him.”  
  
Aiba nodded. “Of course, but there’s one more thing you should know before I take you there.” he agreed, then paused. He’d made it through the first difficult hurdle, he would get through the next part just the same.  
  
Ohno said nothing, just stared at him and waited.  
  
“Nino is alive but,” he said, then paused, just quick enough to breathe air back into his lungs.  
  
“But he doesn’t remember you.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :D

The test results lay discarded on the bed next to Ninomiya’s feet as Sho watched Kazuko-san settled a hand against her son’s temple, fingertips brushing the soft skin under her son’s closed eyes. Sho heaved a sigh and quietly took in the sight before him, his gaze darting between Kazuko-san’s fingers and the peaceful expression on Ninomiya’s face as he sleep.   
  
How hard it must be, he wondered, for everyone involved, especially for Kazuko-san who had to explain everything to everyone, about her son that apparently died that night? Sho was just Ninomiya’s doctor and yet, he’s here worrying himself silly that he could honestly feel the strain of it wearing him down.   
  
He wondered how Kazuko-san and the rest of her family, of those who knew Ninomiya personally was taking this, he had no idea, but he was certain it couldn’t be easy.   
  
“Are you sure nothing else is wrong with him, Sensei?” Kazuko-san asked without taking his attention away from her son’s face. “He’s always sleepy. I feel like he’s sleeping all the time, it’s…should I be worried?”  
  
Sho eyed the test results he brought with him. “I assure you, Kazuko-san, that your son is fine,” he said, smiling quietly to himself knowing that this wasn’t the first time he’d said the same thing, or explained the same thing, either. “He tends to sleep more when he’s tired. It’s normal, at least in his case, it is.”  
  
Kazuko-san sighed and leaned down to press a soft kiss to her son’s head.   
  
“I guess all that talk tired him out,” she said, “Well, I can’t exactly blame him.”  
  
Sho shut his eyes and remembered everything Kazuko-san said earlier, the truth surrounding her son’s accident. His chest tightened yet again, and he could vividly imagine Ninomiya standing in front of that window which he allegedly jumped out off, and shivered at the sheer horror of it all.   
  
Sho honestly wondered what had happened, what could have forced Ninomiya to do what he did, if only to save himself.  
  
Or, was he?   
  
“Y-You said you were certain he didn’t try to kill himself,” he said, to Kazuko-san’s back. The older woman straightened from where she was still stroking Ninomiya’s hair, and turned to give Sho her attention.   
  
“Right?”  
  
She nodded. “Yes.”  
  
“But what made you so sure that was the case?” he asked with a frown. He knew he might sound rude by asking her this, but he knew that she’d understand. “I mean, since you said no one was there with him when the accident happened.”  
  
“Did I say that?” she asked.  
  
Sho blinked, then tried recalling everything she’d said earlier. He was most certain she said no one was with Ninomiya when the accident happened, because even Ninomiya asked her about it.   
  
“Yes,” he answered, clearly recalling her saying no when Ninomiya asked if someone was there with him, if it was Aiba or someone else. “I do remember your son asking you and you said no -”  
  
“Well, there was, yes, because he was the one who found my son first, the one who called for help, but that person was cleared of any suspicion. He was able to back his statement up with an evidence stating he wasn’t there when the presumed time of the accident had happened.”  
  
“I - w-what do you mean?” Sho stuttered, frowning. He had no memory of her saying anything about this. “A-Are you saying that person - that person was responsible for…for your son’s accident?” he followed, swallowing hard.   
  
“Then why didn’t you tell your son about it? About that person? Maybe it’ll help trigger his memory of the accident -”  
  
“I _couldn’t_ ,” Kazuko-san said, her expression hard, but the look on her eyes and the sound of her voice was nothing but painful. “I _can’t_.”  
  
“But why?” he insisted, hoping against hope he wouldn’t end up pissing her off by being so fucking insistent. He couldn’t help it - being one was probably already engraved in his bones that it was hard to stray away from doing it.   
  
“Because I knew for certain it’s not possible, that that person couldn’t possibly hurt my son that way, he never would,” Kazuko-san said, and she was once again openly crying now.   
  
“But how are you so sure? Do you know this person, Kazuko-san?”  
  
She met his eyes and nodded. “Yes,” she said, her voice quaking. “That person was the same guy my son spent almost half of his adult life being in love with, after all.”  
  
++  
  
 _“But he doesn’t remember you.”_  
  
Ohno blinked at Aiba, honestly contemplating between calling Aiba out on his horrible prank and punching him, before settling on laughing mirthlessly instead. He wondered what could be worse, getting mad at Aiba for this, or the fact that for a moment there, he almost, almost believed Aiba, too.  
  
What the fuck was he even thinking, really?   
  
“You really think I’m going to believe this bullshit, Aiba-chan?” he said, in between tightly gritted teeth, despite the fact that he was still laughing humorlessly at Aiba’s joke. He leaned back on the chair and shook his head.  
  
It’s quiet for a while, and Ohno spent the minutes staring Aiba over, contemplating between leaving at once and telling Aiba what the fuck Aiba thought he was doing. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it when Aiba visibly shivered, as if he was contemplating things in his head, too.  
  
“I - I”m sorry, but this is - Aiba-chan, this isn’t exactly what I was expecting when I agreed to meet you. I mean, do you have any idea how hard this is for me? Nino’s been dead for like six years, and here I am, still longing for him, still missing him, even though I’m not supposed to anymore.” he said, breathing hard before continuing.   
  
“I know you missed him, too, of course, I know that, but doing this, saying Nino is alive, that’s - that’s not nice, okay? I - please stop this, Aiba-chan.”  
  
Aiba said nothing and simply pulled out his phone before he started fiddling on it. Ohno kept watching him, his pulse racing.  
  
“Here,” Aiba said after a moment, pushing his phone over the table towards Ohno. “Those are the photos and videos I took of him, about half an hour after we arrived in the hospital, because I knew I would eventually need them to convince you.”  
  
Ohno barely gave Aiba’s phone a glance, uncertain. He honestly didn’t think the prank would stretch this long but apparently, Aiba had prepared for the worst.   
  
He pulled back with a scowl. “And what made you think I would -”  
  
“I knew it was going to be hard convincing you, that’s why I took them, Oh-chan,” Aiba said quickly, pushing his phone further forward. Ohno leaned back just as quickly in retaliation. “Please. If after seeing them, you still don’t want to believe me, I swear I’m not going to force you anymore. But just - just check them out, please? You’re not going to lose anything by going through them, right?”  
  
Ohno gave Aiba a look and bit the inside of his cheeks if only to keep himself from hurling hurtful words towards Aiba, knowing it in his heart that Aiba would never deliberately hurt him this way. Not like this, and especially not about the love he lost over an accident six years ago.   
  
Because Aiba was not cruel, and because Aiba knew how a part of him had died with Nino that day, too, for Aiba to even joke about this.  
  
But, if it wasn’t a joke, then what else could it be?   
  
Ohno’s heart was racing even before he considered picking Aiba’s phone up to check the photos Aiba told him to see for himself, could already feel the way that hopeful part of him was nudging into place to convince him, to make him see sense before he shut it off. He swallowed past the lump that seemed to have lodged itself permanently in his throat and felt the way his fingers trembled, anticipation settling at the pit of his stomach as he reached down and closed his fingers around Aiba’s phone and breathed through his nose.  
  
The first photo he had laid his eyes on shook him to the core.  
  
“I - F-Fuck, this -” he swore under his breath, thumb swiping right in quick succession before going back again. There were at least fifty photos there, each one different and yet painfully familiar that Ohno’s heart began to ache in an entirely different way everytime his gaze land on each one, everytime his gaze rake the familiar smile, the familiar eyes, the familiarly placed mole.   
  
  
He was practically shaking when he’d finally found the courage to tap on the first of the three videos he found there afterward, his heart felt like it was well on its way out his chest through his throat with the way it was pounding hard through his ribcage as equally familiar voices came through and almost bringing Ohno to his knees in shock.  
  
 _“What are you doing, Aiba-shi?”_  
  
 _“Nothing.”_  
  
 _“You got that thing aimed on my face and you’re saying you’re not doing anything? Give me that, hey!”_  
  
 _“No, you can’t! Just keep talking, come on.”_  
  
 _“Not until you tell me what’s that for! Are you filming me? Oh my god, you are! Stop, stop!”_  
  
 _“Don’t cover your face, no, I said don’t -”_  
  
 _“Get away from me! Mom! Mom!”_  
  
 _“Don’t shout, oh my god!”_  
  
 _“Mom!”_  
  
Ohno dropped the phone, watched it stumbled on the table in shock, before it rolled on the ground, the voices from the video seemed louder, deafening; he was breathing hard, feeling like his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest with how hard it was beating inside his ribcage, his fingers clutching the front of his shirt as an almost soundless but powerful sob wretched itself out of his chest, almost stumbling after the phone itself when Aiba caught him in the other man’s arms to steady him.  
  
++   
  
Jun was shaking by the time he was out of the hospital’s parking lot, contemplating between calling Takahashi-san or Shun, anyone who could talk him out of doing something he knew he would regret later, because that was certainly what he felt like he was heading to.   
  
The memories of Ninomiya-san’s very much alive face was enough to make Jun scream, both in shock and in betrayal. He didn’t know what else to think - if Ohno knew, then certainly, this was the reason why Ohno was acting like he did the past few weeks. The pain in Jun’s chest escalated, and he honestly felt like hitting something, or someone, repeatedly, but couldn’t.   
  
Not now, at least.  
  
As expected, the roads were filled with vehicles, commuters braving the lunch time rush, but for once, Jun cursing the ongoing traffic for a completely different reason. His fingers trembled around their grip on the steering wheel, gritting his teeth in combined annoyance and frustration every time he had to step on the break.   
  
After the seventh time, he thankfully managed to get out of the busy main road, barely able to keep himself from reaching for his phone with all the intention of checking where Ohno was, when something from his peripheral caught his attention and he dropped his phone in haste.   
  
He shut his eyes close and quickly steered the car to the left without thinking twice, only barely feeling the impact when his car hit the concrete barrier.  
  
He was out like a light before he even realized what just happened.  
  
++  
  
“Do you believe me now?” Aiba had to ask, a long moment later, once he was certain Ohno had recovered. He had to take a quick trip inside to get Ohno a glass of cold water, and then coming back out to find Ohno clutching Aiba’s phone again, his knuckles white as he watched the videos Aiba took of Nino.   
  
Ohno didn’t even take his eyes away from Aiba’s phone, as Aiba watched him bite his lips hard enough for it to bleed.  
  
“H-How - W-Why - T-This isn’t -- How is this even possible?”   
  
Aiba shook his head. He’d asked the same thing when he found out about this the first time, how difficult it was to wrap his head around the fact that the best friend he’d mourned the death of for the longest time had been alive all this time.   
  
And seeing Ohno’s reaction now brought him back to that time, when it was him seeing Nino again for the first time in six years, after his ‘death’, and knew that the pain Ohno was going through now was stronger, palpable even in his silence.   
  
“I have no idea either.” Aiba said. He honestly didn’t know whether it was better to keep the truth of keeping Nino’s true condition a secret, at least until he was certain Ohno was calm enough to accept it, or tell Ohno everything now.   
  
He heaved a sigh as Ohno hesitantly put Aiba’s phone down with shaking fingers, using the same trembling digits to brush the tears away from his eyes. Aiba’s chest throbbed with renewed ache, more for the fact that everything was going to be even more complicated than they already were from here on than anything.   
  
“B-But he’s - Fuck, I can’t… I can’t fucking believe this, Aiba-chan,” Ohno said, stuttering, voice breaking with each syllable spoken, his eyes wide and blurry with tears. “I m-mean, h-he’s - fuck, N-Nino’s alive? How did this happen? I mean - but there was a funeral! And h-he - Fuck, he died in my arms! I was there - fuck, how -”  
  
Aiba reached over, curling his fingers around Ohno’s wrist - he was shaking something bad - and held on.   
  
“That’s what we all know,” he said, bracing himself for whatever was going to happen after this because he was certain that withholding the truth wasn’t even an option now. Not when Ohno was slowly losing it, right here in front of Aiba. “But apparently, his heart started beating again while he was being transported to the hospital. Y-You…You weren’t there that time, right? I was told you stayed back to…to check whether the culprit w-was still around.”  
  
Ohno dropped his head on the table and groaned, in pain and misery combined. He didn’t seem to hear a word Aiba had said as he continued muttering, “Oh _God_ , I don’t - _What_ am I supposed to do now, Aiba-chan?” Ohno whimpered, his voice tinged with emotion Aiba couldn’t stand to hear.   
  
“I - _Fuck! Fuck_ , I -” Ohno swore, raising his head from the table and directing his gaze on Aiba straight on. “Let’s go there now. Take me to him now, I want to see him, oh _god_ -” Ohno said, then stood, only to be stopped by the sound of his phone ringing.  
  
Aiba watched as Ohno contemplated between ignoring it and answering it, but the latter prevailed. Ohno took his phone out and answered it without bothering checking who was calling.  
  
“Hello - yes, yes this is Ohno, who is this - _what_?” Ohno’s voice trailed here, blinking rapidly as his face began to lose its color.   
  
Aiba didn’t realize he was on his feet until he was already standing, worry settling at the pit of his stomach at the sight, scrambling to reach over just seconds before Ohno did the same.  
  
“I have to go, Aiba-chan -”  
  
“What?! Where? I thought you said you want to see Nino -”  
  
That froze Ohno on his feet, but only briefly. Aiba watched him bite his lips, so many things passing through his eyes Aiba couldn’t put his fingers on, before Ohno dropped his gaze and shook his head.  
  
“You have no idea how much I want that, I swear to god, Aiba-chan but I can’t. I can’t, not now.”  
  
“But why -”  
  
Ohno tugged his hand away and bowed his head.   
  
“I have to go. _My_ \- Jun had an _accident_ , he’s in the hospital now, I have to go. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”


	8. Chapter 8

Sho just left Ninomiya-san’s room and was on his way to the second floor to check on another patient when Kiko-chan appeared, just as he was rounding the corner, calling his name.  
  
“Sensei!  
  
Sho frowned, then picked up the phase, meeting Kiko halfway. She was breathless when they both stopped, and Sho allowed her a few seconds to catch her breath before he spoke.  
  
“Jesus, is the building on fire or what? Why do you have to run like that?” he teased.  
  
Kiko shook her head, pursed her lips as if she was contemplating, then dropped her gaze. Sho noted the fact that Kiko looked slightly apologetic.  
  
“Did something happen?” he asked, prompting her.  
  
Kiko bowed slightly, and the gesture floored Sho even more. The only other time she bowed at him like this was when she ‘accidentally’ broke one of the balance balls in his office. With a scissor.  
  
“Oh my god, what is it,” he said, dramatically, before putting his hands on either side of his hips.  
  
“Okay, spill.”  
  
Kiko’s grin was apologetic as it was sheepish. “You didn’t happen to see…Matsumoto-san again…after you… left to check on Ninomiya-san, did you?” she asked.  
  
Matsumoto-san? What’s Matsumoto had to do with this? Sho shook his head at her in answer.  
  
“No. I left him with you, didn’t I? You were supposed to schedule his upcoming visits, right?”  
  
“Yes,” Kiko agreed, “but right after you left, he told me he just needed to buy a drink from the vending machine, he was so pale, mind you, then he said he’ll be back to arrange the schedule with me.”  
  
Sho narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion. “But he didn’t come back.”  
  
Kiko raised her hand, two fingers up in a peace sign. “Nope,” she said, “I’m really sorry, Sensei! I also tried looking around for him before calling him up, but he didn’t answer! Do you think he changed his mind? Is it because of me? Or you?”  
  
Sho reached over and flicked her forehead lightly. She stepped back with an over-dramatic wince.  
  
“I’ll have you know, Kiko-chan, that no client has ever turned me down after I have talked to them the first time, so I’m pretty certain it’s because of you. You’ve probably scared the shit out of him when we saw you suspended in mid-air earlier!”  
  
“I honestly think I was pretty impressive.” she said, wagging her pretty brows at him.  
  
“No, you were seriously terrifying,” Sho countered, only half-meaning it. He shuddered, remembering her skinny legs dangling on that ladder while she fixed something in the ceiling. “You terrify people, Kiko-chan, I swear to god. It won’t even surprise me to find that you ended up scaring Jun-san away, goodness.”  
  
“That’s harsh, Sensei!”  
  
Sho grinned and chose to ignore her jibe. “You have his number, right?” he asked; then to Kiko nodding her head in answer, he said, “Fine, give it to me later. I’ll try calling him using my phone.” he said.  
  
Kiko smiled and fished something out from the back pockets of her pants, then handed it over. Sho frowned when he realized he was actually staring at his own mobile phone, which Sho was certain he left behind in his office - in his locked office - earlier.  
  
“I thought you might need it so I did the courtesy of bringing it with me,” Kiko said, with a smile so wide she was showing all of her teeth. “And you just said you do, so, you’re welcome!” she said, turning completely around before Sho could even stop her.  
  
She started skipping away when Sho remembered something, opening his mouth to call out after her when she beat him to it, again.  
  
“Oh, and I’ve already saved Matsumoto Jun-san’s number there, okay, it’s fine, don’t mention it!” she said before disappearing in the corner she appeared.  
  
Sho frowned at his phone and frowned at it some more when he realized something.  
  
“HOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW MY PASSCODE? OH MY GOD, THAT CRAZY WOMAN -”  
  
  
++  
  
Jun was thankfully conscious when Ohno arrived at the hospital, not even fifteen minutes later after he received the call, all thanks to Aiba’s kindness. The other man had kindly offered to drive Ohno to the hospital, and despite himself, Ohno agreed. He knew he should have declined, but as it was, there were obviously more important things than his pride or what propriety said he was allowed to do.  
  
He didn’t invite Aiba to go with him, and he was grateful for the fact that Aiba didn’t ask for his permission to go, either. Aiba just told him to give him a call when everything’s settled on Ohno’s side, before saying goodbye. If Aiba purposely didn’t mention anything about Nino, Ohno opted not to call Aiba out on it.  
  
Even though he was aching to, he couldn’t. Jun needed him now, and despite the fact that his heart had silently begged him to go and see Nino immediately, he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t.  
  
The emergency doctor who took immediate action to treat Jun was there when Ohno arrived. Luckily, the accident only left Jun with a few stitches on his temple, a slightly dislocated left elbow and some bruises. They weren’t major injuries that would require Jun to stay in the hospital, so despite Ohno’s earlier reluctance, Jun was already allowed to go home with him afterwards.  
  
Jun was awake, but he seemed a little out of it when Ohno came to find him; he was just sitting on the bed there, looking far worse than how Ohno remembered seeing him last this morning - his bandaged arm, and equally bandaged head, the bruises on his right cheek and ear, and Ohno was struck with that unfamiliar ice knotting in his gut at the memory of seeing the same injuries, but on someone else’s face.  
  
Wincing, he mentally chastised himself for doing so.  
  
“Jun,” was the only thing Ohno had managed then, relief washing over him when Jun briefly glanced his way. He was glad Jun was alright and that he wasn’t badly injured, though there was a part of him that wondered what in hell happened. Jun was always a careful driver, after all, so it was really surprising that Jun would end up driving his car up against a road barrier and almost killing himself.  
  
Jun was awake but he refused to talk to Ohno, even when Ohno came forward to check on him, to see how he was.He remained that way even when Ohno had come forward to hold Jun in his arms, kissing Jun’s uninjured temple even when Jun stayed uncharacteristically quiet and stiff inside the cradle of Ohno’s embrace.  
  
Once he’d settled the bill, bought Jun’s medicines, and had gotten Jun’s discharge papers with so little fanfare, he took Jun’s hand in his with one hand and stoop down, thumbing the skin beneath Jun’s eyes with the other. Jun averted his gaze and his mouth twitched, as if he was going to say something, but he didn’t.  
  
Ohno squeezed his eyes shut, pain and frustration mingling, and knew he was to blame for all of this as much as Jun was, for neglecting Jun, for being a complete asshole.  
  
He sighed, chest hurting in a totally different way, knowing that it was only going to get worse from here on.  
  
“Come on,” he whispered, dropping another kiss to Jun’s hair. “Let’s go home.”  
  
++  
  
It was half past three when Aiba made it back to Kodaira.  
  
Somehow, it wasn’t even surprising that he ended up driving Ohno to Musashino Tokushukai Hospital in Nishitokyo, where Ohno’s boyfriend had apparently been admitted to, when he’d spontaneously spouted he’d drive Ohno there before he could even stop his traitorous mouth from talking.  
  
Unsurprisingly, Ohno spoke too little during the short fifteen minute drive from the restaurant to the hospital, and Aiba had no choice but to hold off with the questions, knowing how specifically hard it was for Ohno then.  
  
It would be totally cruel to make Ohno choose, and Aiba was certain he would have completely toed the line by asking Ohno why he was dropping everything to see Matsumoto-san, because that was understandable, wasn’t it?  
  
That guy was Ohno’s significant other now, and no matter what everyone thought, Aiba included, that wasn’t going to change just because they all found out Nino was alive.  
  
Right?  
  
Aiba groaned inwardly, letting his head drop on the steering wheel with an almost inaudible thump, his exhaustion settling over him like second skin. Somehow, he wondered what kind of cruel fate these past few days turned out to be, remembering the chain of events that somehow brought them all right here. The circumstances that lead them to where they all were now, and the corresponding heartbreaking consequences they’re surely suffer later on.  
  
Aiba squeezed his eyes shut and mentally recalled everything that happened up to this point; Nino’s literal return from the dead, his memories of Ohno missing, Aiba going out of his way to tell Ohno everything, before it all ended with a call from the hospital about Ohno’s present boyfriend’s accident.  
  
Aiba had to take it all in stride, unable to do much else in the face of such awful turn of events. To be honest, he hadn’t expected coming back here without Ohno in tow, but he guessed it couldn’t be helped.  
  
Ohno did seem like he wanted nothing but to go with Aiba, and Aiba had seen the look on Ohno’s face up-close to know that Ohno wasn’t faking it. On one hand, it was obvious to anyone with eyes that Ohno’s heart was torn between two things: to go to Nino and see him at once, and be with Matsumoto Jun and make sure the other man was alright.  
  
To be honest, Aiba’s head hurt just thinking about it.  
  
He sighed, felt the way his chest knotted with the urge to call Becky if only to hear her voice. He felt so out of his depth already, his nerves on edge and he knew that talking to her would help.  
  
The decision was too easy, that he didn’t realize he was fishing around for his phone until he already had it in his hand. He straightened and swiped his thumb across the screen to unlock it, and startled when it started vibrating afterwards.  
  
It was a call. From Kazuko-san.  
  
Aiba only hesitated for all of two seconds before he tapped the screen to accept the call.  
  
“Kaa-chan?”  
  
_Ma-kun? Sorry for bothering you…I mean, for calling you when I know where you’re supposed to be. Mmm, are you still with…with Satoshi-kun?_  
  
“It’s okay,” Aiba told her, as he took out his keys and wallet before he stepped out of the car and locked it. “and no, not anymore. I’m actually in the parking lot of the hospital now. I just arrived a few minutes ago. What is it?”  
  
The next time she spoke, her voice sounded grave. _Oh, have you talked to him then? What did he say? Is he… planning on visiting Kazu later?_  
  
Aiba started walking. “No, Kaa-chan,” he said, remembering yet again why that was the case. He sighed and decided to keep it all to himself, for now. “I - didn’t get to talk to him. He couldn’t make it. There was an urgent matter he had to attend to, so he had to…we had to re-schedule.”  
  
_Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that_ , she said, though she didn’t sound particularly bothered. _Well, I just called to tell you some good news._  
  
Aiba frowned. _Good news?_ “What is it?”  
  
_Sakurai-Sensei had just handed over Kazu’s medical test results,_ she said, and this time she actually sounded genuinely excited, cheerful.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
_Yes. And that we have nothing to worry about because the results came out better than he’d expected. Oh, and we’re allowed to take him home as early as tomorrow. They had to schedule Kazu’s rehabilitation later today, and then he’s free to go._  
  
Aiba let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and allowed himself a smile despite how shaky he felt. Everything seemed like they’re catching up on him so fast he was finding it difficult to keep up.  
  
“That’s fantastic, Kaa-chan.” he said, his voice shaking like the rest of him, and Aiba knew it was the overwhelming emotion talking. That was all there was to it, he told himself, and not at all the accompanying regret he’d been quietly keeping to himself eversince he left Musashino Hospital without Ohno.  
  
But he guessed that’s just how it was. He just had to accept things as they were, he supposed.  
  
_I thought so, too_ , she said. _Ah, well, I guess I have no choice but to call Kazue, tell her the good news. I supposed I should, since I’ve decided it would be better not to take Kazu back to Chiba._  
  
“Eh? What do you mean?”  
  
_Until I’m certain my son’s life is no longer in danger, he’s not going back there, Ma-kun. No matter what he or anyone says. Right now, his safety is my priority, and it will stay that way until he recovers his memories and could finally tell us what exactly happened to him that day. Until then, he will stay wherever I tell him to_ , she said firmly, and with finality.  
  
Aiba heaved a sigh, only belatedly realizing he’s standing in front of the elevator’s door.  
  
“If that’s what you think is best to keep Nino safe, then do it, Kaa-chan.” he said, knowing that there was no use arguing with her. Not that he wanted to, because he didn’t. He couldn’t even begin to think how hard it must have been for her to keep all of this to herself, and who was he to question her and her decisions?  
  
_Thank you, Ma-kun_ , she said. _Anyway, I was also going to ask you if you had lunch already because I haven’t yet, but then I realized it’s way past -_  
  
“No, not yet, actually,” he said, cutting her off. As if on cue, his stomach growled loudly, as if to remind him he hadn’t fed himself yet. “I’ll go buy us lunch, then. Be there in a bit, okay?” he said, before ending the call.  
  
He turned completely around just as pocketed his phone, mentally reminding himself to be grateful for every little thing that mattered, even those that didn’t, knowing he’d encountered a lot these past few days. There were disappointing ones, too, and he knew he had to be thankful for them as well. They might have not worked out this time around, but Aiba knew that in time, someday, they would.  
  
He just had to trust in them to work themselves out in the end, to be where they’re supposed to be. Aiba already did his part; all he had to do now was wait it all out and hope for the best.  
  
  
++  
  
  
When Sho called Matsumoto Jun the first three times, his phone was off. It finally rang when he tried again about half an hour later, but there was no answer.  
  
He was just stepping inside his office when he felt his phone vibrating in his robe’s pocket, and when he took it out, he saw Jun’s name blinking on the screen.  
  
He hesitated only a moment, before he was tapping the Accept icon and slapping his phone against his left ear to answer the call. “Hello?” he said, then frowned, hearing an unfamiliar voice answering from the other end.  
  
He pulled the phone away from his ears for a bit only so he could squint at the name on the screen. Matsumoto Jun-san, it said. Did Kiko-chan mistook someone else’s phone number as Matsumoto-san’s?  
  
He put the phone back against his ear and cleared his throat. “Um, I’m sorry, I thought I was calling Matsumoto Jun-san’s phone,” he started with an apology, already imagining verbally boxing Kiko-chan’s ears after this call. “I mean, obviously this isn’t -”  
  
_It’s his phone_ , the man from the other end said, and Sho noted the fact that the man sounded distant, probably even a touche exhausted. _Who is this?_  
  
Sho cleared his throat again. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Doctor Sakurai Sho, resident Neuropsychologist from the National Center of Neurology and Psychiatry located here in Kodaira. I’m actually calling to check on Matsumoto-san -”  
  
_A Neuropsychologist? I thought Jun was seeing a Psychiatrist, and as far as I could remember, his name isn’t Sakurai Sho but Takahashi Something-san. Who are you?_  
  
Sho did his best to be polite despite the obvious rudeness, biting his tongue and mentally counting from one to ten quickly.  
  
“Ah, I don’t mean to disrespect, Mister, but if this is really Matsumoto-san’s phone, don’t you think it’s just proper that you pass him the phone so I could talk to him? I don’t know who you are, either, although you couldn’t say the same to me, since I have already introduced myself to you earlier.” Sho said, keeping his voice even, letting years of training take over despite his annoyance.  
  
_I’m Ohno. Jun’s had an accident and he couldn’t talk on the phone right now. But I’ll make sure to pass the message, Sakurai-Sensei,_ the man said from the other line, before he hung up.  
  
Sho blinked, then stared at his phone without actually seeing it.  
  
Accident? Matsumoto Jun-san had an accident? What the hell just happened?  
  
  
++  
  
Ohno frowned at the phone in his hand - Jun’s phone, which miraculously came out from the accident unscathed - for a moment longer before he decided to put it down, setting it next to Jun’s apartment keys, his watch and his rings. Walking further inside, he found Jun on the couch, his head resting on the couch’s arm with his eyes closed.  
  
He sat on the single-seater there, on Jun’s left, and cleared his throat. Jun barely reacted, obviously still opting on ignoring him.  
  
“I didn’t know you’ve changed doctors,” he said, deciding on catching Jun off-guard instead of asking Jun the obvious. As expected, Jun popped his eyes open, gaze quickly darting towards him as if Jun had always known he was there.  
  
“He called, said his name was Sakurai Sho, a Neuropsychologist,” he continued, “What happened to Takahashi-Sensei?”  
  
“I’m surprised you knew,” Jun said, mockingly, answering neither of Ohno’s questions. “Or did you just find out when you talked to Sakurai-Sensei?”  
  
He chuckled, shaking his head. “I supposed I should be offended, hearing that you thought I didn’t,” he said, “I mean, you really thought I had no idea that you’re…sick?”  
  
“I’m not sick,” Jun countered quickly, the venom in his voice mirrored the one on his eyes. “I’m not, okay? It’s not what you think -”  
  
“I know about the medications, Jun,” he cut in, hoping he sounded as sorry as he felt. He wondered why he didn’t tell Jun before, when he could have done so before now, what had stopped him then when he’d even went as far as meeting Takahashi-Sensei himself to know how Jun was doing. “And I’ve also visited Takahashi-Sensei several times to…to check on you.”  
  
“Wow,” Jun exclaimed, straightening from his spot on the couch. “I don’t know what to say to you, really. I mean, seriously? You’re saying this to me now, of all the fucking times, really? But you know what, it doesn’t matter anymore. You could say anything you want, now, anything to make you feel better about all this crap you’ve put between us but it’s not going to change anything, you hear me?”  
  
He frowned, confused. “What are you even saying?” he said, as he huffed mirthlessly at the same time he stood. He honestly had no idea what was going on, what Jun was saying.  
  
“Seriously, are you okay?” he followed when he was close enough to put his hands on Jun’s face and forearms, only to be roughly pushed away when Jun stood, too. He stumbled backwards, and it was only through his quick reflex that he was able to prevent himself from falling over, catching himself halfway.  
  
“What the hell - Jun, what’s going on -” he said, reaching over yet again, with all the intention of putting his hands anywhere near Jun, but Jun simply shoved him away. Ohno stumbled yet again, the difference on their height and weight clearly working on Jun’s favor this time.  
  
“Get your hands off me, you bastard!” Jun screamed. “You knew he was alive! You’ve known it all along, and that’s why you’ve always been so so distant! You knew he was coming back, didn’t you? You used me! You just used me, you fucking bastard! Get away from me! Get your dirty hands away from me!”  
  
  
++  
  
  
“So, have you called Kazue Nee-chan?” Aiba remembered to ask while Kazuko-san was putting the take-out boxes away. They’ve eaten their (late) lunches in silence, and once done, Aiba didn’t realize he’d migrated on the chair next to Nino’s bed, to watch Nino sleep.  
  
“No,” she answered without glancing back, just as she was carefully tying the garbage bag with the empty takeout boxes. “I called her husband instead.” she added, and Aiba noticed the glee in her voice when she said it. She must be imagining the ensuing drama that was surely going to happen after the revelation, but if not, then it was no surprise where Nino had gotten that evil side of him after all.  
  
“Then it would be better to expect her bursting into that door anytime soon,” he said, chuckling, “Knowing her, we might even need to alert the hospital security. What do you think?”  
  
“I told her husband to keep the sedative ready, just in case she gets violent, but let’s hope he won’t need it.” she countered, her voice quaking with silent mischief. Aiba found himself giggling with her, without him realizing it.  
  
“What about Satoshi-kun? You said you didn’t get to meet him?” she segued, putting the garbage bag aside. “Does that mean you also didn’t get to tell him about…about Kazu?”  
  
Aiba blinked, then darted his gaze elsewhere. What was the use of lying, really, when he was certain Kazuko-san was so much better at reading him. She was just as good as her son at it, and Aiba never stood a chance.  
  
“I - Well, he’s not… I mean, we didn’t get to -”  
  
“Ma-kun, it’s okay,” she said, and when Aiba raised his head to meet her gaze, he realized she meant it, too. “If Satoshi-kun decided he didn’t want to see my son, then so be it. I mean, I understand if he can’t. He’s with someone now, and it’s been years since Kazu’s apparent death; it’s understandable that he’s -”  
  
Aiba held out a hand and shook his head. “No no no, it’s not like that, Kaa-chan,” he countered quickly, “I - Oh-chan wants to…he badly wants to come….and see Nino-chan but his…there’s an urgent matter he really, really needs to take care of first. But he…he’ll come to…to see Nino, once he’s able to. I swear, it’s…there’s nothing he wants more than to see Nino, but it’s just…it’s difficult. But he promised he’ll call me once that matter is settled, and I’m sure he will. Oh-chan is…Oh-chan loved Nino with all of his heart, Kaa-chan, and just because he has someone else in his life now doesn’t mean he stopped loving Nino, because he didn’t. He doesn’t. Oh-chan still -” Aiba said without pause, only to be stopped when another voice joined itself in the conversation and thus rendering Aiba speechless as he slowly whipped his head around to find Nino very much awake on the bed, and frowning.  
  
“I’m asking you, Aiba-shii,” Nino said, “Who’s _Oh-chan_?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, life, why do you always have to get in the way of fangirling??? :DDD Sorry for the horrible delay, hope you enjoy this one.

“W-What - H-How did you even -” Ohno stuttered, eyes wide in shock, and Jun laughed, loud and mirthless, found himself momentarily gloating at the sight, but it was only short-lived. The pain of Ohno’s betrayal registered soon after, as he took a step back, shaking as he watched Ohno stumbled back up on his feet with just the slightest bit of difficulty.  
  
“Know that your ex is alive?” he cut in, his voice tinged with contempt. “You won’t believe it even if I tell you,” he added, mouth twitching. “But just so you know, it was pure coincidence. I guess someone up there took pity on me and had decided it was high time I realize how foolish I’ve been for hoping that you and I will -” he paused and shook his head, willing the words out despite the difficulty.  
  
He breathed through his nose and willed himself to proceed.  
  
“Well, I guess I was wrong.” he finished, taking another step back when Ohno countered the motion by walking forward, hand stretched.  
  
“Jun, listen, you got this all wrong,” Ohno said, “I mean, I had no idea either! I was as surprised as you are, I swear! If it wasn’t for Aiba-chan -”  
  
“Oh, so now you’re lying,” Jun gritted, “if you think you can fool me again by doing so, you’re terribly mistaken, Satoshi.” he added, tasting bile on his tongue.   
  
Ohno seemed to have recovered himself when Jun started to turn away, catching him by his elbow and tugging him around.   
  
  
“Jun, please! Won’t you hear me out? I told you, you’ve got this all wrong! I had no idea Kazu was alive, for fuck’s sake! Because if I did, I swear to you, we wouldn’t be here arguing over this! There was no way -” Ohno half-yelled, then probably realized the implication of what he just said so he stopped, but it was too late.  
  
Jun’s heard enough.  
  
“Of course, you wouldn’t, I get it,” he murmured, roughly tugging his arm away from Ohno’s vice-like grip. “There was no way you’d end up stuck here with me if you knew he was alive, right? Well, that’s just too bad, Satoshi.”  
  
“God, are you even listening to me, Jun? _Fuck_ , you’re twisting everything I’m saying into something awful and I swear I don’t even know how to phrase myself properly anymore! I don’t even know how to explain myself without you judging me in every turn! God!”  
  
Jun huffed, his whole body throbbing with pain, from inside out. Somehow, this argument itself couldn’t even compare to the painful ordeal he’d went through earlier, when he crashed his car and wondered if he was going to die.  
  
“I’ve got no strength left in me to indulge you and your lies, Satoshi,” he rasped, exhaustion settling over his bones. All the fight left him and the only thing he wanted now was to lie down and sleep this off, hoping that by the time he woke up, things had gone back to how they were before.  
  
“Do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore. I’m tired. I’m just so tired.” he followed, leaving no room for Ohno to reply as he walked towards the bedroom, stepped inside and locked the door behind him.  
  
  
++  
  
Sho paced around in his office, his phone in hand and feeling quite distressed over the fact that Jun-san hadn’t called yet.   
  
The person on the other end had said he would pass the message to Jun-san after all, so Sho had been expecting Jun-san’s call, but still no luck. Almost an hour passed and yet Sho’s phone remained quiet, and Sho didn’t want to admit that he was getting increasingly worried with every second that ticked by.  
  
It was difficult to convince himself that nothing was wrong, especially after the man who answered Jun-san’s phone had told him Jun-san was involved in an accident. He knew that worrying wouldn’t help much, but he guessed that was just to be expected, given his history as a doctor.  
  
He chuckled to himself and decided to distract himself for now. After all, he could always call Jun-san back himself, in a few hours at least, if he still didn’t receive one from the other man.  
  
He’d go and check in with Ninomiya-san for now, already found himself in a better mood with his decision, as he headed for the door but not before making sure he’d got his phone safely tucked into the pockets of his pants, just to be safe.  
  
  
++  
  
  
Ohno didn’t think it would all come to this.  
  
He watched, helpless, as Jun retreated to the bedroom to seclude himself, his pain evident in the way he’d regarded Ohno with smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Ohno didn’t know what else to do, to say, to make Jun understand that he was as shocked at the revelation as Jun was, because it was clear that Jun was hurt beyond comprehension that he couldn’t think clearly.   
  
Ohno would have wanted to explain his side, but what good would it do if Jun had already made up his mind about all this? About him?  
  
He groaned mentally as he cradled his head in his hands, and willed it all away . It didn’t, because there was no escaping the fact that he was at fault here, too. Probably more than he’d dared to admit. He’d hurt Jun by saying the things he did, for doing the things he did, for not giving Jun the love he deserved, because he was an idiot.  
  
An idiot who was obviously still in love with the same person he thought had died six years ago.  
  
God, but what were the odds? He’d never, not even once since Nino’s apparent death, allowed himself the luxury to even imagine what could his life be if Nino was alive, because it was painful, just thinking about it. He’d often catch himself remembering Nino and the first thing he would do was to stray away from it as much as he could.  
  
Doing so had kept him from going insane, and by then, he thought that it was pretty effective. The years had dulled the pain, yes, but it was still there, lying dormant underneath everything he’d chosen to pile above it, just so he wouldn’t have to confront it again.  
  
At least until now.  
  
He was given no other choice, after all. And it was honestly difficult not to feel elated hearing the news straight from Aiba-chan’s lips, even before he’d seen the photos and videos. The truth was, during that moment, he’d forgotten himself - his present, as he allowed himself to be brought back to the past. The past where there was only Nino.  
  
For a moment there, he’d completely forgotten about Jun.  
  
Saying that he was surprised was understatement. Discovering that the love of his life he thought had died had been alive all this time sure left an impact, one that would certainly trigger life-altering changes to Ohno from here on, and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it.  
  
He knew, because he was already having troubles recognizing himself, now, after seeing Nino’s smile and hearing his voice, when he thought he wasn’t ever going to anymore. It was difficult not to spot the difference when there was this blooming warmth in his chest that wasn’t there before just thinking about seeing Nino again, soon, and he knew that it was anticipation combined with something else he’d rather not think about right now, but it was there just the same.   
  
He heaved a sigh and leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes. He knew he had no right to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t turn it off, despite knowing that he was betraying someone else’s trust by doing so.  
  
He couldn’t - not when he honestly felt so alive for the first time in so long, as if finding out that Nino was alive was all he needed to be revived. He didn’t know how to phrase his feelings into words but seeing Nino laugh on that video had not only brought all the pain of losing Nino back into the surface, but for the first time in like, _ever_ , it brought something else back with it.  
  
His heart.  
  
It was a gift Ohno had not been expecting at all, but he was glad for it. How Aiba-chan had literally handed over Ohno’s heart he thought he’d already lost, when Nino died in his arms the moment Aiba-chan told him that, in fact, Nino didn’t.   
  
But then reality had to come in to spoil the fun, by literally slapping him in the face by reminding him that things were different now. Because when he was two seconds away from dropping everything off to see Nino, he was swiftly reminded that he couldn’t.  
  
It wasn’t going to be easy, but Ohno figured that nothing about all this was easy to begin with, anyway.   
  
He guessed he’d just have to see where this road would lead _him - them._ After all, fate couldn’t be all that cruel for taking away what was his, only to give it back when Ohno had given up all hopes in getting it back again.   
  
But then again, how was he supposed to do that knowing that he would surely end up hurting someone no matter who he chose? Could he even live peacefully knowing that he’d deliberately chose to hurt that person just to be happy?  
  
Would he even dare?  
  
He had no idea either, but no matter the complication, he would still choose to be confronted with that and more knowing that Nino is alive and well.  
  
He could live just fine with that.  
  
  
++  
  
  
Aiba blinked down at Nino swallowed hard, mentally chastising himself for being so careless.   
  
“W-Who?”   
  
Nino smirked, before pushing himself into a sitting position without breaking their gazes. To his peripheral, he was well aware of Kazuko-san’s movements stilling as well.   
  
“You heard me, Aiba-shi.” Nino said. Aiba pursed his lips as he racked his brain for something, anything, an excuse or other to distract Nino, but knowing his best friend, Aiba was certain anything he would come up with would only end up sounding like a lie.  
  
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try. Not that he’d intended to keep lying to Nino, but knowing his condition, it was better to keep those ‘heartbreaking’ stuff for later. At least until he was certain Nino was healthy enough to accept them as they were, without him ending up hurting Nino unintentionally.  
  
“Nino-chan -”  
  
Nino held a hand up, cutting him off. “Enough with the evasion, Aiba-shi,” Nino said, eyes darting towards the opposite side of the room where Nino’s mother was still busying herself with the garbage.   
  
“You mentioned someone, _Oh-chan,_ right? So, who’s she?” Nino said, curiosity evident in the tone of his voice. “And why does it feel like I know this person even though I cannot remember her?”   
  
Aiba breathed through his nose and felt that now too-familiar ache throbbing away in his chest, seeing the confusion painted through Nino’s eyes. He tilted his head and forced a smile, reaching over to touch Nino’s cheek, soft and almost tentative.  
  
“O-Oh-chan’s a guy and he is your - your o-other best friend f-from University,” Aiba said, the lie tasted bitter in his tongue. Nino’s frown deepened, and something in Aiba’s chest tighten yet again at the sight.   
  
“H-He’d only been informed about y-your - y-your condition this morning and he badly wanted to be here, to see you, but there was something extremely important he had to attend to first. B-But he promised to be here as soon as he possibly can.”  
  
Nino blinked, looking slightly unconvinced. Aiba tried his best to look unaffected, despite the fact that he could feel his heart beating a mile a minute. Trust Nino to still have that ability to read people despite losing most of his memories.  
  
“I still feel like you’re lying but, okay,” Nino muttered, scowling, that Aiba couldn’t help but chuckle in return. Odd, but Nino’s mannerisms stayed the same despite spending the last six years unconscious, and Aiba couldn’t not be amazed seeing them upclose like this again.  
  
“It’s not like there’s much I can do about it, anyway, so, whatever.”  
  
Aiba grinned, couldn’t not. “Why would I even lie to you, hmm?” he countered, mock-punching Nino on the chin. “I wouldn’t ever, what kind of friend do you even think I am?”  
  
“A bad one,” Nino shot back, amused. “Come on, help me up. My bladder’s killing me.”  
  
Aiba shook his head, grinning despite himself as he scooted closer to help Nino up and off the bed, only vaguely aware of Kazuko-san opening the door probably to take the garbage out. She didn’t even contribute to the conversation, and Aiba was certain it was done deliberately, knowing her desire to keep Ohno out of Nino’s life if she could help it.   
  
Aiba sighed, knowing he couldn’t do anything to change her mind. He’d just have to trust that he didn’t have to, because someday, soon, Nino would have recovered his memories on his own, and they no longer have to decide things for him the way they’re all doing now.  
  
He wrapped an arm around Nino’s waist and pressed a quick kiss to Nino’s hair.   
  
“Yes boss.”   
  
  
++  
  
Jun hadn’t meant to leave the bedroom, but his head was killing him and he didn’t know where Ohno had put his medications. He also couldn’t find his phone, and the last thing he could remember was Ohno answering Sakurai-Sensei’s call earlier, so he was certain Ohno knew where he’d phone had gone, too.   
  
His body ached in all the places that count, and Jun wondered if there really wasn’t anything he should be worried about. He was certain that the ache around the general vicinity of his heart didn’t have anything to do with the accident, but who the hell knew?   
  
He found Ohno lying motionless on the couch, his arms beneath his head, using them as a pillow. But he wasn’t asleep, because the moment he saw Jun step out of the bedroom, he stood. The ache in Jun’s chest doubled, but he did his best not to let it show. Fingers balled into fists, he inclined his head towards Ohno and watched the way Ohno stumbled on his feet, looking Jun over.  
  
“Jun? Are you - Y-You need anything?”  
  
Jun groaned inwardly, finding the gesture to be a little too - exaggerated, pretentious even. He swallowed the urge to call Ohno out on it and instead settled on pointing at his bandaged forehead, feeling the prickle of pain divert into something else. His fingertips tingle, and the heat forming at the center of his chest bloomed to life at the sight.  
  
“My head hurts,” he mumbled drily, “and I can’t find my meds. Do you know where they are?”   
  
“Oh, I’ve put them on the counter, hold on, I’ll get them for you.”  
  
Ohno literally stumbled to get them, as Jun watched him disappear towards the direction of the kitchen. When he came back, he didn’t even bring the medicines with him, he had a bottle of water on his other hand, too.   
  
It was all too amusing, watching Ohno - the way he was deliberately doing all of this for show, probably thinking he was doing Jun a favor by acting like an over-attentive boyfriend after Jun’s accident. Guilty, maybe? Jun wanted to laugh out loud and tell Ohno to quit with the pretenses, because, god, Jun was not that stupid not to notice it.  
  
He’d been stupid for so long for actually pretending not to notice, and god knew he’d rather kill himself now than to keep doing it, knowing he was only going to keep hurting himself in the process.   
  
He’d made a decision, one that he should have done so a long time ago, and this time, he was certain he was going to do it for himself and himself alone. He had to.   
  
“Here,” Ohno said, “Um, are you hungry? I mean, I could go buy you something to eat or -”  
  
Jun shook his head and took them all without another word, before he remembered something.  
  
“What about my phone?” he asked. “I’d like to call my doctor back, if you don’t mind.”  
  
Ohno stared at him for a moment, before he dropped his gaze and nodded.   
  
“Yes, yes, of course,” Ohno said, and promptly turned back around. “I’ve already charged it, so, yeah, here you go.” Ohno added when he was close enough to hand Jun’s phone over, and Jun accepting it with a slight nod of his head.  
  
“Thank you.” managed Jun, turning around and heading towards the direction of the bedroom without bothering glancing back.  
  
  
++  
  
When he got there, Ninomiya was awake and Aiba-san was with him. And if the lack of Kazuko-san surprised him, the sight of Ninomiya walking around the room with Aiba-san supporting him equally did.  
  
“Oh, Sensei, hello,” Ninomiya waved from where he had one of his arms thrown over Aiba-san’s shoulders for support, panting with exertion and smiling. It should not be reason enough for Sho’s heart to be behaving like it was tap-dancing inside his chest, but it surely felt like it.  
  
Ninomiya’s smile was a wondrous thing, and Sho didn’t have the balls to deny that fact, either.  
  
“Ninomiya-san, your rehabilitation starts the week after this, so, please don’t strain yourself too hard before it. It could be bad for you, you know?” he said, knew that he sounded mildly reproachful though he was still smiling.  
  
“Ah, Sensei, sorry, it was my fault!” Aiba-san apologized quickly, arms branding around Ninomiya’s waist to steady him, before slowly backing Ninomiya to the bed. Sho noticed the action and interpreted the action to be anything but protective, despite the fact that the action seemed far gentler than Sho would have anticipated.  
  
“I helped Nino-chan to the bathroom and I thought it would be better for him to walk around for a bit.”  
  
Sho nodded. “I understand your concerns, Aiba-san, but there’s a reason we have scheduled Ninomiya-san’s rehabilitation to a specific date, okay? Physical exertion could very well result into unforeseen injuries if we’re not careful.”  
  
“Gotcha!” Aiba-san returned with a rather boyish sort-of grin that made Sho smile in answer despite himself.   
  
“So, it’s true? I can go home already?” Ninomiya asked, sounding and looking thrilled. Sho nodded.  
  
“I believe so, yes,” Sho returned, forcing his voice to sound cheerful. He found it difficult to do the same when he was feeling anything but. “Tomorrow before lunch, at the most. I’m certain your mother had your discharge papers ready, so, congratulations.”  
  
“Wow, okay. That’s great. I mean, wow.” Ninomiya exclaimed, clearly unsure of what to say.  
  
Sho knew he had no reason to be sad because he’d be seeing Ninomiya again anyway, but there it was, blooming hotly in his chest as he stared Ninomiya over. He opened his mouth to say something again when his vibrating phone made its presence known, at the same time the door to Ninomiya’s hospital room opened abruptly, and behind it, a woman resembling Ninomiya’s eyes and mouth dashed in.  
  
“Oh. My. God. Oh my _fucking_ god. Oh my, it’s really you. It’s my really my brother, oh my god - KAZU!” the woman yelled and dashed forward, throwing herself to Ninomiya on the bed before the man who came in after her had managed to stop her.   
  
Sho took that as his cue to leave, nodding at Kazuko-san who went inside after the couple, her eyes visibly wet.  
  
“Hello?” he greeted the caller, once he was outside.   
  
_Sensei, hi. It’s me._   
  
“Jun-san?” Sho frowned, automatically detecting Jun-san’s distress despite the static noise. He started walking and kept his phone firmly plastered against his ear. “Oh, thank goodness you called! I mean, I tried calling you earlier but someone else answered and he said you’ve been in an accident, are you okay?”  
  
_Uh, well, not really, but at least I’m not dead?_  
  
Sho felt his pulse kicked when he heard that. “Jun-san, don’t joke about that, okay? It’s not funny.”  
  
There was a pause, before Sho heard Jun-san’s soft laughter from the other end.   
  
_Fine, I’m sorry. I just - never mind. I just called to inform you that I’m okay and that I forgot to go back to take the schedule from Kiko-san._  
  
Sho grinned. “Yeah, she told me,” he said, “Would you like me to tell her to just email the schedule to you? I think she has your mail address anyway.”  
  
_Ah, no_ … Jun-san countered quickly, and for a moment there, Sho wondered whether Jun-san did change his mind about accepting Sho as his doctor. But Jun-san was quick to remedy that by saying, _I was actually thinking of dropping by there to get the schedule myself. If it’s okay, of course._  
  
Sho found himself exhaling a sigh of relief and smiling. “Are you sure? I mean, don’t you need to rest or something?”  
  
_I’m fine. The doctor just gave me medications for the pain, so, it’s good. I’m good, don’t worry about it. I just. I’d like to - to go out for a bit. Walk around. Distract myself, if you know what I’m saying. So, can I drop by there?_  
  
“I have a better idea, Jun-san,” he said, deciding on this matter spot on knowing that he needed it, to take his mind off of things and also to make sure Jun-san was okay. And what better way to do that than to see Jun-san with his own two eyes, of course.  
  
“Why don’t I meet you somewhere where we could have dinner instead? I mean, if you’re free, that is. I’ll bring the schedule with me.”  
  
There’s an ever longer pause before Sho heard Jun-san say, _I know a place. I’ll send you the address of the restaurant in a bit, yeah?_  
  
“Yes, please.” Sho said, and didn’t hang up until Jun-san agreed and ended the call himself first.


	10. Chapter 10

"Leaving so soon?"

Nino started at the sound of that familiar voice, his attention veering from his mother and sister packing up his stuff at the opposite side of the room, to the gorgeous doctor standing by the door. Sakurai-Sensei smiled and Nino returned the gesture easily with a smile of his own, finding it so easy to be cheerful around the doctor's presence despite the circumstances of himself being there.

It had only been less then a week since his unexpected 'return' to the land of the living, as what he jokingly referred it to, a few days of constant confusion over things he knew he should remember but couldn't. It was frustrating, alright, but he tried not to dwell on it much, not when he was certain that what he was feeling right now couldn't ever be compared to what his family, his friends, and those people who cared genuinely for him, have suffered during those years he was lying unconscious on this very bed.

"Well, I was told I’m good to go," he shrugged, watched as Sakurai-Sensei strolled his way inside with a bunch of papers in his hand. "Probably by the same doctor who couldn't wait to send me away. Heard he even made sure my release papers are ready days before I'm supposed to leave." he said, feigning hurt.

"What a horrible person." Sakurai-Sensei agreed, indulging as ever. No wonder he was Nino’s favorite.

"I know, right?" he agreed readily, both of them cracking up the second their gazes meet. Somehow, their eyes remained locked for a moment longer before Nino realized they've stopped laughing altogether and Sakurai-Sensei was giving him this particular look that was making his stomach flutter uneasily the longer it went on.

"Well, it's not like you won't be coming back here to bother Sakurai-Sensei again." his mother commented blithely, and Nino was grateful for that little distraction because he was able to avert his gaze without worrying about offending Sakurai-Sensei in the process.

"He couldn't, even if he wanted to," Sakurai-Sensei said, just as he slid a bunch of papers down the table next to Nino’s bed. "His monthly checkup aside, I'll also be supervising his rehabilitation, so, there’s no way we won’t be seeing each other again."

“Thank you, Sensei.” his mother said, sounding grateful.

Nino raised his head just in time to catch Sakurai-Sensei saying, "So, as much as I want to send you away for good - which I don't, just to be clear - I can't. Your full recovery is our main concern here, Ninomiya-san, so you'll be coming back here whether you like it or not."

Nino shrugged. "Guess it can't be helped, huh?"

Sakurai-Sensei reached over and tapped him lightly on the forehead, and if the gesture wasn't enough to make Nino blush, the way Sakurai-Sensei gazed at him, did.

"Nope," Sakurai-Sensei said, his voice barely higher than a whisper. "I'm sorry, Ninomiya-san."

Nino chuckled but found it difficult to hold Sakurai-Sensei’s gaze as he averted his eyes. “You don’t sound like you are, though.” Nino mused, startled when a finger brushed across his cheek. But it was done so quickly that Nino thought he was just imagining it.

Sakurai-Sensei must have said something, but Nino’s attention was quickly taken away by the sound of the door opening once again, smiling despite himself at the sight of his best friend’s grinning face peeking from behind it.

“You guys ready?” Aiba said, eyes darting from Nino’s mother and sister packing Nino’s stuff to Nino shifting on the bed, promptly breaking into a grin. “Hikaru-san’s brought the van, so we’ll load Nino-chan’s stuff there, and you guys can all go with me in the car.”

“How about the wheelchair?” his mother inquired.

“It’s already there,” Aiba confirmed. “I loaded that one first.” he added, throwing Nino a wink. Nino chuckled, chest swelling with affection.

Aiba was kind of the best, and Nino loved him with all of his heart.

“Eh, but how do you think I’ll be able to waltz out of here without that wheelchair?” he asked, when he remembered his useless legs. Aiba stared at him for a long moment, before his mouth twitch in a way that had Nino chuckling in answer.

“I could…. carry you?” Aiba offered, helpfully, feigning innocence.

Nino heaved a long suffering sigh at the same time Sakurai-Sensei and literally everyone in the room burst into laughter, shaking his head and laughing too despite himself.

 

++

 

Watching Ninomiya-san leave was - weird.

Well, he’d expected the inevitable sadness - six years is undoubtedly long enough for anyone to develop an attachment to someone else, especially if one had to spend each day with the other person, despite the fact that the said person was unconscious - but he had trusted himself to be professional enough not to show it.

But it was difficult, and Sho knew he’d made things awkward between him and Ninomiya-san because of his stupidity.

He sighed, his thoughts somehow drifting from Ninomiya-san to the person he spent almost his entire evening with yesterday - and groaned. Somehow, he didn’t need that degree in psychology to know that Matsumoto-san was having a relationship problem, and that it was where all those yet admitted trouble was coming from.

Sho almost, almost regretted his spontaneous invitation, but quickly dismissed the thought the moment he saw Jun-san walked in. His heart sank at the sight of him, going straight to meet Jun-san by the door to help him before he even realized he was doing it.

If Jun-san’s bandaged head wasn’t enough to worry Sho out of his wits, then the bruises marring the other man’s skin certainly did.

However, he held off with the questions and opted with just making sure Jun-san was fine, just as Jun-san had insisted. Sho had no right to pry - despite the nagging feeling that he probably should - he was Jun-san’s doctor, after all - but he didn’t, he couldn’t, because he was afraid he might be misunderstood. He’d kept his worries to himself despite the urge gnawing at him the entire time he sat there listening to Jun-san talking.

But despite the circumstances, it was undeniable that he enjoyed their dinner. His worries and Jun-san’s obvious reservations aside, Sho found that there was so much about Jun-san besides that arresting face of his.

Compared to Ninomiya-san, who’s the complete opposite of Jun-san (but just as pretty, if he was going to be completely honest about it), it was difficult to stay uninterested.

God, it was not like him to act like this around his patients - like a teenager with a crush, it seemed like - because that was exactly how he was behaving. It was bad enough that he had this unquestionable fondness towards Ninomiya-san, but adding Jun-san into the picture certainly didn’t help.

He released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, knowing that sooner rather than later, he had to pull himself together and act like the doctor that he obviously was. And to be able to accomplish that, he had to put his personal feelings aside, the way he should have done so from the beginning.

It wasn’t going to be easy, but that’s just how it was.

Sho honestly wasn’t looking forward to it.

++

Ohno would be lying if he said he wasn’t dying to see Nino.

It’d been just a couple of days since he’d been informed of the situation, of Nino being alive when he knew for certain that wasn’t the case, and Ohno honestly wondered where he was getting his patience from, as he opted to work on doing stupidly mundane things instead of acting on his desire to see Nino the first chance he got.

He wanted to, of course, of course, but propriety said he shouldn’t, so despite the need gnawing at him from the inside, he did his best and held back. Because despite what everyone have expected of him, he couldn’t just drop everything and ran back to where Nino was.

There were a handful of things to consider - people and feelings, most of all - and the last thing Ohno wanted was to end up hurting those who mattered so much to him. Not Jun, and most definitely not Nino, though that was inevitable at this point.

He’d already ruined what little respect Jun had for him, and even though that wasn’t intentional, he guessed it didn’t matter anymore. Jun had obviously chosen the other path, the one which he thought would be a better one to keep him from ending up at the losing end. Ohno had wanted to explain himself, but after the first time he tried to, he guessed it would be better to just leave Jun be for now.

His phone vibrated on the coffee table, and he sat up properly to retrieve it, eyes darting from his phone to the closed bedroom door. It had remained that way since Jun went out around three hours ago to fix himself some protein drink of his, before he went back inside the room to seclude himself once again.

Thinking the message was from Jun, he unlocked his phone and checked. The message wasn’t from Jun.

It was from Aiba.

 

_Nino’s been discharged. We’re taking him home. Will text you the exact location once I have it._

 

Ohno’s heart did a quarter-flip and he swore he never felt so conflicted until that moment, when he wanted to just tell himself to go fuck it, and leave.

He couldn’t, though, groaning to himself as he stood, eyes locked on the general vicinity of the bedroom.

He and Jun have to talk.

 

++

 

“I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m smothering you or something, but who am I kidding, right?” Aiba said, pulling Nino into his arms again. They’re at Nino’s sister’s home, and after more than an hour making sure they’ve got everything Nino needed, Aiba knew he had to go.

He’d made Becky wait for so long already, after all.

He’d also made it a point to inform Ohno about Nino’s discharge from the hospital, despite knowing that Kazuko-san might not agree to it. He even went as far as telling Ohno where Nino would be staying, knowing he’d appreciate the same if the situation was reversed.

Now this would be all up to Ohno. If he wanted to see Nino or not, that’s all on him. Aiba had no plans on asking him anymore. They were way past that, after all.

“It might feel like it, I know, but just - just bear with it for a while, okay? I mean, we just got you back. Everything’s just - surreal, I guess.” he added, pulling away just the slightest bit so he could look Nino over.

Nino chuckled and shrugged, as if saying he totally mind the overwhelming attention focused on him, but had to endure it anyway.

“Seriously, though it’s flattering, the exaggerated attention creeps me out,” Nino said, wrinkling his nose. “Don’t tell my Mother that.”

Aiba grinned but said nothing, taking Nino’s hands in his and squeezing them. A few days in Nino’s company obviously still wasn’t enough to ease his worries, his doubts, that this was all just a dream and he would soon wake up to find out none of it was real. It was hard enough dealing with so many things at once since he found out Nino was alive, but it at least distracted him away from having to deal with his own fears for the time being.

But here, now, they all came back to him like plague, rushing back like riptide that it terrified him to leave, knowing Nino might not be properly protected. It’s probably uncalled for, silly even, but it was hard to stay calm when they have no idea what they were dealing with.

The circumstances surrounding Nino’s accident six years ago was what’s making him queasy, and Aiba didn’t like that feeling, at all. It was difficult not to feel that way, after hearing Kazuko-san laying out the reason over her nagging suspicion surrounding Nino’s ‘death’ and he guessed that was just to be expected.

Sure, nothing conclusive came out from the investigation, but that could mean so many things, and Aiba was afraid of the possibilities. The possibilities pointing to the fact that someone out there have wanted his best friend dead.

“I won’t,” he agreed, knowing for certain he was guilty as well. “But if it’s any consolation, we didn’t mean to creep you out. It’s just that it’s hard to explain it. I mean, you can never know it feels like, having you here like this, when we never thought we ever could. We didn’t mean to smother you, I swear, but just -”

Nino chuckled at that, like he couldn’t not, and mock-punched him on the chin, before Nino’s own hands reached down to take Aiba’s hands and raised them to Nino’s face.

“You all did, but it’s okay,” Nino said, and Aiba noted the soft look on Nino’s eyes when he said that. “It’s fine. I’ll live. I guess I can’t really complain much given the circumstances. You guys do make me feel like you’re all glad I’m here after all, and I guess that’s reason enough for me to bear being everyone’s superstar not knowing what I did to deserve it.”

We thought you died, Nino, Aiba wanted to say, but decided against it at the last minute. Nino knew that much, at least, but hearing so every single time might not bode well to the person who couldn’t even remember it.

Instead, he pulled Nino to him and dropped another kiss to the top of Nino’s head, thankful, grateful yet again for having him here.

“You might not believe this but it’s not just because we think you’re a superstar, even though you’re really are, how can you not?, but because we kinda love you a lot,” he said, as he gathered Nino in. “And that we’re all glad you’re back. More than glad, to be honest. Really.”

Nino said nothing, but the way he nodded his agreement against Aiba’s chest told him he completely understood, and that, in itself, was more than enough.

 

++

 

He was in the middle of stuffing clothes into his luggage when he heard the door opened.

He paused, but didn’t bother turning to know that he had Ohno for company now. For a while, neither of them talked, but Jun figured that if Ohno had voluntarily opened that door, he had a very good reason for doing so, thus, he was prepared to talk.

Another minute passed, then two, and Jun decided to resume what he was doing instead of waiting for Ohno to open his mouth because he had obviously gone into Standby Mode. It shouldn’t surprise him anymore, knowing that between the two of them, he was the one who mostly did the talking.

But after everything that had happened, Jun settled for the opposite.

He’d said what he wanted, not everything but at least those that mattered, and as far as Jun was concerned, that was better than not being able to, at all. There were so much he’d left unsaid, and that was mostly because he still couldn’t bring himself to look at Ohno now and expect himself to stay calm.

He was zipping up his bag when he heard the sound of Ohno clearing his throat. Jun ignored him.

“Jun,” called Ohno. Jun closed his eyes, heaved a sigh and decided he could rude some other time.

“What?” he snapped, turning around and plopping himself on the bed, pushing his bag aside. He’s met with an unfamiliar look on Ohno’s face, something like misery and confusion mingling, and the sight made him feel strangely elated.

Ohno frowned and his mouth twitched in obvious irritation. “What the hell are you doing?”

Jun smirked, hoping he didn’t seem as affected as he felt. “What’s it look like?” he asked in return, watching the way Ohno bit his lower lip hard.

Somehow, the sight was ten times satisfying. “Stop answering me with a question, damn it,” Ohno grit out, pissed. Jun laughed, feigning indifference. “Why are you putting your clothes in that luggage? Are you leaving?”

This time, Jun really cracked up. “No, I just feel like putting them there, got a problem with that?” he said, shaking his head. To Ohno’s answering frown, Jun waved his hand, amused despite himself.

“What, you still expect me to stay here after what happened?” he said, feeling his head throb. He’d completely forgotten about his medication, since he was rather preoccupied earlier, but he guessed that couldn’t really be helped. “Seriously, this just proves how you don’t know me at all.”

“Is this still about Nino?” Ohno asked, as if he didn’t know. Jun threw him a disbelieving look.

“Well, it certainly isn’t about your supposed dead ex-boyfriend’s mother, what do you think this is about?” he countered, annoyed, feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket. That only meant one thing; Shun was outside and was already waiting for him.

It took him a while to convince Shun he was alright, and that he really just needed a place to stay for a few days before he decided what to do. It wasn’t like he could just leave everything behind and expect things to be fixed just like that because obviously, that’s not going to happen. He couldn’t just throw everything away, knowing that there were still aspects in his life that were still connected to Ohno’s no matter how badly he wanted to cut their ties.

Of course, doing so was not going to be easy. Jun knew that much, at least.

“Christ, Jun, how many times do I have to tell you I have no idea Nino’s -”

Jun grabbed the handle of his luggage and jerked an angry finger at Ohno, cutting Ohno off entirely.

“Stop talking,” he snapped, barely able to keep himself from throwing his luggage over. He was shaking all over, momentarily forgetting himself as he and Ohno surveyed each other over.

He breathed deeply, hoping it would be enough to calm down. It wasn’t, but it was a close thing.

“Jun, please -”

He looked down, away, locking his gaze somewhere on the wall to Ohno’s left, anywhere that wasn’t Ohno’s face, and bit his lips hard enough for it to bleed.

“I need to…I need to leave. Just. I have to be away from you,” he muttered, feeling like he was speaking through a mouthful of cotton. “Clear my head or something. Just. I can’t deal with this right now, Satoshi. I can’t deal with you right now, and I don’t even want to try, okay? So just,” he paused, raising his other free hand to rub at his chest. It was aching in a completely different way, a different kind of pain compared to the throb in his head and the painful tingle around the vicinity of his right hip.

“I have to go,” he added, with finality. “Shun is outside already. I - I’ll be staying with him for now.” he said, not bothering glancing back and started walking.

“So, that’s it?” Ohno grit out, prompting Jun to stop. “You just say you want to leave and you will? Am I not even allowed to ask you to hear me out? To stop this nonsense so we can talk this out? Jun, for fuck’s sake, I don’t -”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, firmly, holding his head up high and refusing to let Ohno see how this was killing him. “I knew this was a mistake, but I chose to stay with you just the same. I know you’re trying to do the right thing, staying here when we both know where you’d rather be.” he breathed.

“For God’s sake, Jun. I don’t know what else to say to you.” Ohno said, sounding tired and exasperated.

At this point, Jun just couldn’t find it in him to care.

He would have tried to understand Ohno if the pain wasn’t so numbing, but as it was, the truth about that Ninomiya person was the only thing he could think of. He felt so betrayed, he felt so undeserving of all these crap he’d gone through just to stay with Ohno, even though he knew perfectly well he did so voluntarily.

This was different, and the pain, sadly, was what’s making him think irrationally. He was never an irrational person, but with Ohno, he might be worse. Jun honestly couldn’t recognize himself sometimes, especially after the incident, and he knew that at some point, it would have to stop.

And he knew he would have stayed if it wasn’t for the fact that it was his pride telling him to go. To stop this madness once and for all. He’d made himself believe he’d paved the way to Ohno’s heart after all those years he spent trying to win Ohno’s heart over, but clearly, he was wrong.

He couldn’t stay here, with Ohno, not after everything. Not after fighting for Ohno’s affection for almost six years, against a supposed dead person, and still losing.

Especially now that that supposed dead person turned out to be alive.

Everything was different now. Knowing that that person he spent hating in silence, even in the man’s death, was actually alive, had changed everything.

“Nothing you say will ever make this better, anyway, so it’s best that you don’t,” he said, fingers tightening around their grip on his luggage’s handle. There was no reason to doubt his decisions now, not when he’d known it all along they’d end up to where they were now someday.

That day, sadly, was today.

He breathed through his nose and squared his shoulders, willing the words out despite the difficulty.

“I’m leaving.” he said, not exactly waiting for an answer but was devastated just the same when Ohno said nothing.

He was out of the door and walking towards his best friend’s waiting car when he realized he was crying.

 

++

 

He had just stepped inside the apartment and was closing the door behind him when he realized his phone was vibrating insistently in his pocket. He turned, toed his shoes off and shoved his hand in his jean’s pocket to retrieve his phone when his gaze caught Becky, her slim frame pressed against the genkan’s entrance.

He smiled her way and mouthed, Hi, before slapping his phone to his ear. He caught her looking at him, one of her perfect brows raised in silent inquiry, and her mouth lilted just the slightest bit, not smiling just yet.

Aiba missed her like crazy.

“Hello, Oh-chan?” he said, frowning, immediately recognizing Ohno’s distressed voice from the other end. “Yes, did you get my message? Yeah, that’s right. Well, no. I didn’t think that’s necessary; you’re his friend, too, as far as I’m concerned.” he said, rooting himself on the spot, answering Ohno’s questions on the other line almost absently, as he surveyed Becky over.

God, she looked as perfect as ever, and his heart swelled with untamed affection at just the sight of her. He couldn’t wait to have her in his arms, but he wanted to do it right, hopefully with no further interruptions as he satiate his hunger for her, after the few days he didn’t see her.

“Well, I’m not going to force you into doing anything you don’t want, and the reason I informed you of the situation is because I would have expected the same, if that were me. I wouldn’t want to be kept out of the loop when people could have easily informed me, so I did. And you’re my friend, okay? I didn’t know telling you should be a problem. If you want to go and see him, that’s your decision. Yes, Oh-chan. No, that’s not a problem. You’re welcome. Yeah, of course. I have to go. Bye.” He hang up, eyes raking Becky over.

“Hello,” he said, stepping forward and closing the remaining distance between them in three huge strides, basking on her warmth when she easily caught up with him and let herself be swept into his arms without complaint. He was burying his nose into her hair before he could stop himself, sweeping her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing as he breathed her in.

“Hi yourself.” Becky chuckled, and Aiba basked on that familiar sound, groping blindly around her so he could hold her steady. Becky wound her arms around his neck as if on autopilot, and Aiba inhaled greedily as he guided them both inside, stopping when they’re near the couch before he sat himself down, taking Becky with him.

“God, I missed you,” he groaned, pressing kisses over kisses on any part of Becky’s face he could put his lips on, enjoying the way she giggled almost uncontrollably as she pushed him off weakly. “Nope, not gonna happen. I’m going to kiss every inch of you until I’m satisfied, sweetheart, no, wait, what are you doing, I said I won’t -”

Becky kissed him by way of stopping him from talking. Aiba gave in easily, matching her with equal enthusiasm.

“Woah, okay,” Becky exclaimed as she pulled away. Aiba didn’t let her, as he leaned forward again for another kiss until Becky slapped a hand over his mouth not-so-gently to keep him from advancing further.

“What?” he muttered through Becky’s palm.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Aiba Masaki?” she demanded, pouting. Aiba’s heart did that stupid dance inside his ribcage again at the sight of her.

“What? Presents?” he teased, knowing exactly what she meant. He’d swallowed the urge to grin, but it was hard when he was so happy just being here, with her. “What are you, five?”

Becky pinched his nose in retaliation, pushing herself up and off Aiba’s lap for good measure. Aiba tugged her back down before she even got as far as putting her feet on the ground.

“Keep talking, Masaki, or I swear to god -”

“Babe, Nino’s alive,” he said, effectively cutting her off, before worming his fingers around her slim wrist and tugging her closer. She looked momentarily scared, mouth parted open as if she wanted to say something but no words came out.

He held her palm to his lips and kissed her knuckles softly.

“W-Who’s alive?”

Aiba knew she wasn’t going to let him forget this, as he curled his arms around her and buried his face into her neck as he shook, the impact of the last few days catching up on him so fast he was left vulnerable, laid bare and trembling in her arms.

“My best friend, Nino, sweetheart,” he repeated, trembling, vaguely feeling Becky’s arms around him. “He’s alive. I just saw him. I was with him during those past few days. He wasn’t dead, as we have all made to believe. My best friend is alive, Becky. He’s alive, he’s, oh God -”

“Oh, Masaki.”

 

++

 

“.. _.And if this means goodbye, hmmm_ ~” he sang softly to himself, strumming the guitar at the same time. It surprised him to find that he still remembered some of the notes he learned from high school, and equally grateful to find that not everything was lost in the accident.

He put the guitar down with a smile and looked up, and startled to find himself starting into a pair of warmest brown eyes he’d ever seen in his life.

“Hmm, hi?” he found himself uttering, despite the unfamiliar prick in his chest when the man blinked in return and lowered his head just the slightest bit. Afterwards, those eyes were back into staring Nino over, and Nino couldn’t help the explosion of heat on his face at the obvious longing behind the man’s eyes.

But that wasn’t just it. If Nino was going to be completely honest about it, there were something more behind that stare that made Nino feel admittedly uneasy. Apart from the obvious recognition, there was something else, something that looked like raw hunger, possession, and, to Nino’s surprise, pain.

The man’s eyes were unusually bright that Nino couldn’t help but look down and away to avoid it. He smiled despite the unusual ache throbbing away in his chest, confusion and embarrassment mingling. He only looked up when the ache was bearable, smiling through it as he met the other man’s eyes again.

“H-Hello, Nino.” the man greeted, his voice was soft and his smile even more so. Nino inclined his head in answer.

“Um, do I know you? I’m so sorry, that’s a stupid question, we obviously know each other,” he mumbled, shaking his head. Why did it feel like he was rambling, though he couldn’t remember ever losing his tongue when talking to someone.

“You’d have to forgive me, because I really don’t remember you. I mean, I’m sure that if you’re here, we must be close? And you must be one of those who attended my funeral six years ago?”

“It’s okay, and yes, to answer both your questions.” the man said, his soft smile still in place.

Nino nodded. “Um, okay. I’m sure you’re all kind of surprised. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? You all thought you buried me, but six years later, here I am. Wow. So...who are you again? If you don’t mind telling me your name. I just. It might help me remember.”

The man looked torn for a moment, and Nino saw him took a step forward only to stop himself mid-step. He also looked so ready to bolt, but Nino couldn’t shake the feeling that the man was barely keeping it together, if the painful look on his face was of any indication.

For the life of him, Nino wondered if he was the reason for it.

The smile the man let out then was heartbreaking as it was confusing, and Nino wondered what exactly he was missing when the man kept his gaze on him, lips trembling as he told Nino his name.

“ _Ohno_ ,” the man said, and for a moment there, Nino realized he couldn’t breathe. “my _name_ is Ohno Satoshi.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, sorry for the horrible delay! :(

  
To be honest, seeing Nino up-close like this was shocking as it was heartbreaking.   
  
The photos and the videos Aiba-chan showed him didn’t do Nino justice, not even in the slightest, and once again, he was left questioning the way the universe work as he stood there looking Nino over, rooted on the spot and completely uncertain of what he should do next.   
  
It was indescribable, the feelings he was confronted with the moment their gazes meet. The joy and that overwhelming relief, as expected, overpowered everything, as was that almost unbearable need to pull Nino into his arms and never let him go. It was difficult not to give in to the urge, especially when his instinct was telling him to go and claim what he knew was his, but he knew that he couldn’t.   
  
Apart from the glaring fact that Nino didn’t remember him, the right to claim Nino his was no longer an option now. Not when it was him who broke the promise first – Nino’s apparent death notwithstanding - and not when he was still technically in a relationship with another person, a good man.   
  
“Ohno Satoshi-san, right?” Nino said, repeating his name in a way that brought little shivers down his spine. He nodded and bit the inside of his cheeks to make sure he wouldn’t end up either bawling, or saying something he might regret later.   
  
Worse, he feared that if he wasn’t careful, he might end up doing both.   
  
Nino blinked back at him and he had to watch the way an almost hesitant smile bloomed across Nino’s pretty face, the sight of it promptly breaking his heart into tiny pieces yet again.   
  
“Could it be that you’re that… _Oh-chan_ my blabber-mouthed best friend, Aiba-chan, was telling me about?” asked Nino, still with that hesitant smile in place. His heart stuttered in his ribcage on cue, wondering how to properly respond to that question when he had no idea what exactly Aiba-chan had told Nino about him.   
  
Didn’t Aiba mention about Nino not remembering him, at all? Then how come – “He said you’re my best friend from University, is that true?” Nino followed without missing a beat, his liquid brown eyes surveying him over.   
  
“I –“ he said, then paused, entirely unsure of what he should be saying next. Best friend from University? Him?   
  
“If you are, I – I’m sorry, I can’t really remember it – or you, for that matter. Did Aiba-chan tell you my condition? I hope he did. I don’t really –“ Nino trailed here and laughed, mirthless as it was hollow, and his chest constricted yet again at the thinly-veiled frustration behind Nino’s eyes.   
  
Nino shook his head, and he felt as if his whole world shook along with the action, too.   
  
“I’m not really sure how to tell people I met after I turned twenty that I don’t remember them,” Nino said, “I mean, how do people even do that, right?”   
  
He was going to break down, he could already feel it, and what good would it do for him at this point? For Nino?   
  
God help them all.   
  
“Kazu –“ he breathed and took one step forward only to force himself to stop before he could take another one, rooting himself on the spot despite the difficulty. Balling his fingers into fists, he forced himself to take a step back - the most difficult action he’d have to do in his life at this point -  and urged himself to stay where he was, soaking Nino’s presence from where he was standing despite the relative distance.   
  
Nino gave him a look, and he swore something inside him literally broke, probably the cold, almost impenetrable walls he built around his heart the night he thought Nino died.   
  
He found himself moving before he realized he was doing it, his footsteps quick they were rivaling the rhythm of his heart beating inside his chest, and stopped when he was barely an arm’s length away from where Nino sat. He was shaking to the core when he stopped, breathing shallowly it was almost embarrassing if not for the fact that he was seconds away from breaking into tears, in front of the man who couldn’t even recognize him.   
  
“Um,” he heard Nino say, his eyes blinking rapidly back at him in confusion. In other times, it might have been easier to tell himself _stop_ , to just hang on for a second to reassess the situation, but not now.   
  
He dropped on his knees right there, in front of Nino and reached for the younger man, tugging Nino in his arms, the feel of Nino’s body – alive and real and right here – against him prompted him to hug Nino tighter.   
  
He shook and just stopped thinking, breaking down just like that as the past six years caught up with him in the span of those few minutes as he held Nino close.   
  
  
\+   
  
  
Shun looked particularly confused for all of two second before his expression drastically changed to worry, when he said he wished to be dropped at a hospital in Kodaira.   
  
“I thought you said you’re okay?” Shun demanded, ignoring the road entirely in favor of shifting to his left to glare at him. The look on Shun’s face only made him giggle; his best friend sure didn’t look that much scary, unlike him when he really wanted to be.   
  
In fact, Shun seemed more than a little concerned, worried, alarmed. Well, he guessed it couldn’t be helped. He probably looked kind of pitiful right now, all things considered.   
  
“Oi, Matsumoto, are you even listening to me? Come on, man, you’re scaring the shit out of me. If you’re dying on me, I swear to God, I’m leaving your sexy, dead body out in the streets. They’ll take pictures of you and maybe write nasty things about your stupid ex who’s obviously the reason you ended up dead–“   
  
“I’m not dying, alright! And stop bringing Satoshi’s name up every damn minute, I don’t even want to think about him.” he snorted, reclining his seat and pushing his face further into the passenger side window.   
  
“You were the one who said his name just now, I didn’t!” Shun countered, offended.   
  
Jun rolled his eyes in answer, knew he was acting like a child. But, “Whatever.” He mumbled, because, really, he couldn’t care less about anything at this point.   
  
Shun sighed, loud enough to rival the sound of the car’s air-condition running, and enough to make him sigh in return.   
  
“Dude, seriously, are you okay?” Shun asked, and he sounded genuinely worried that Jun couldn’t help but feel downright upset about the whole thing, because, how could he not? This was all his fault, wasn’t it?   
  
He breathed out, half-hoping Shun would just leave him alone for now.   
  
“And hey, I’m not talking about the breakup here because, let’s face it, that’s just pointing out the obvious,” Shun followed, and he grunted to himself, unable to help it. “I mean, I’m talking about the accident. Jun, man, are you sure you’re okay?”   
  
He waved a hand at Shun in answer. “I’m fine,” he muttered, just to be sure.   
  
Shun didn’t sound the least bit convinced when he continued prodding at him. “You don’t look fine, though,” Shun said, “And you said you need me to drop you at the hospital. You going there for check up or something?”   
  
“No,” he sighed, “and yes. I’m going there for a completely different reason. Now, will you please keep driving and stop asking me these questions? You’re making my headache worse.”   
  
“Dude, you know that’s not healthy, right?” Shun told him after a long moment of silence, when he thought Shun had given up about making him talk. “Your habit of compartmentalizing shit would kill you one day, I’m telling you.”     
  
He grinned drily and shifted on his seat. “It almost did,” he confessed in a low voice without meaning to, and swore he heard Shun cursed under his breath. “And that’s why, despite the fact that I despised having to ask for help, I had to. And I did.”   
  
“And that help is waiting for me in the hospital right now. So, step on that gas and shut up. Jesus, I don’t even know why I thought calling you was a good idea. I should have called Toma or Mao, they’re obviously better at leaving me the hell alone if they think that’s what I need. Unlike you.”   
  
Shun snickered. “You can’t,” he boasted, like he knew it better than anyone that Jun always preferred calling this bastard anyway. “Toma’s somewhere in Finland right now doing god-knows-what and Mao is left at home, dealing with babies one to three. So, let’s face it, your choices are limited and anyway, we both know you love me the most. So quit the crap talk and tell me about this _help_ you’re boasting about just now. He’s not the same guy you happened to have dinner with the other night, is he?”   
  
“Oh my god, who told you that?” he said, cringing.   
  
“The owner of the restaurant is Yuu’s friend in high school, you don’t know?”   
  
He pulled away, cringing. “Holy crap, I’m never dining there again, I swear! Did you ask them to spy on me, you creep?”   
  
“I did not!” Shun countered, deflecting, though he was laughing so hard that it was hard to believe him. Jun scowled. “I guess she remembered you, since you have this memorable face and eyebrows and all.” Shun added, gesturing with his hand in those little circular motion at Jun’s face. Jun batted his hand away.   
  
“We had dinner there, you recall? For the wedding anniversary?”   
  
“I remember, yes,” he groaned; guess it was difficult to hide that fact now, and well, he really didn’t want Shun to think that he was cheating behind Ohno’s back, when it was the complete opposite, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.   
  
His best friend obviously had no idea about the whole Ninomiya thing, or at least the story that the guy even existed. Shun knew about the dead ex-boyfriend of his (now ex) boyfriend, sure, but that was it; he didn’t know who it was, the guy’s name or anything about the guy even.   
  
And Shun had no idea, as did he, that the supposed dead ex-boyfriend was alive all this time.   
  
“Great,” Shun said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, impatient, the ongoing traffic making it easier for the other man to talk his ears off.   
  
“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on or should I guess? The breakup – or at least this cooling thing off isn’t because…of that buff doctor, is it?”   
  
He sighed. “And here I thought you know me better than that.”   
  
Shun laughed. “Of course I do! And that’s why I’m asking you, right to your face. That’s what’s good friends do, right?”   
  
“Good friend, my ass.”   
  
“Yeah, keep stalling and maybe I’ll believe what those gossipmongers are saying.”   
  
“It’s not true, okay?” he muttered, shaking his head. “That dinner was – it was nothing. I mean, Sakurai-Sensei – that’s the doctor’s name by the way, called to check on me when they couldn’t find me in the hospital after my brief meeting with him the morning before the accident. Don’t ask me what happened because it’s a stupidly long story, but just that he tried to call my cell after the accident and Satoshi happened to answer the call and told him about the accident so I ended up calling him back to tell him I’m okay and that if I could come meet him so I could take my schedule from him, which I wasn’t able to collect from his secretary earlier and then he proposed to give it to me personally and then invited me out to dinner like an afterthought, since it was well, dinnertime, which I agreed by telling him to meet me in that restaurant, to make the story short.”   
  
Shun blinked at him through the overhead mirror. “That…isn’t short at all.”   
  
“It’s the compressed version, believe me.”   
  
“Right,” Shun agreed, chuckling. “So, you’re saying nothing’s going on between you two?”   
  
He frowned. “Nothing,” he said, firmly, repeating it for good measure, shaking his head. “I know the guy for like, a few hours okay? And he’s my doctor, for fuck’s sake.” He added.   
  
He couldn’t really understand how people’s minds work sometimes, but then again, who was he to judge, right? He was messed up in the head himself and it wasn’t even remotely easy to deal with his emotions and the terrible things his brain was able to conjure up in the most inappropriate times that it was difficult to tell the difference anymore.   
  
“Well, I guess if he turns out to be something more, you won’t hear me complaining,” Shun said. “Maybe this buff doctor is just what you need to, you know, get over some people and be happy, for once?”   
  
“You’re looking too much into this,” he snorted, then more quietly, “Don’t.” but he remembered the way he felt that night, during dinner, in Sakurai-Sensei’s company, and wondered if it was good thing, meeting him at this moment, when he’s having trouble dealing with everything. For the first time in a long time, he felt good, being appreciated like that, of being looked at so closely and almost intensely as if he was the only person in the room.   
  
“I’ll do whatever the hell I want and you can’t stop me,” Shun grunted, then grinned like five seconds later. “Sounds familiar, eh? Of course, that’s exactly what you said to my face when I asked you whether you’re sure about moving in with that midget artist you met one night and –“   
  
“He has a name, Shun,” he reminded his best friend wryly.   
  
“And I remember you telling me not to say it,” Shun retorted with a huff. “Seriously, that guy doesn’t deserve you. I mean it, okay, and I’m not saying this because I’m your friend.” Shun continued, unaffected.   
  
“Of course you’re saying that because you’re my friend,” he chuckled, “And let’s be honest here, you never liked Ohno anyway.”   
  
“That’s seriously not true,” Shun refuted, “I like your boyfriend’s face, I think he’s cute, like a baby animal that likes sleeping, you know? And he’s got awesome art skills. My kid once told me to trade places with him, as her dad, because I suck at drawing balloon animals and your dude was so much better at it. Well, obviously he should be, since it’s his livelihood, that punk.”   
  
He couldn’t help it, he laughed, surprised though at what he’d just heard. He’d always felt the distance between his best friend and Shun, but they’ve always treated each other quite civilly during unavoidable events and gatherings they ended up attending together.   
  
“That’s hilarious,” he grinned. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re saying he doesn’t deserve me. I mean, we’ve been together for years, Ohno and I, but you’ve never even –“   
  
“I like him as a person, don’t get me wrong, just not as your significant other, you know what I’m saying?” Shun cut in, and Jun watched him carefully direct the car into the intersection heading towards Kodaira. “I mean, I know I didn’t tell you this before, but that’s just because I know how stubborn you are. You’re dead set on keeping that guy, on staying with him even though we both know he didn’t give a fuck about anything - your odd relationship, or you, for that matter. And it’s damn frustrating, watching you waste your life away with someone who obviously couldn’t love you the way you love him, but I couldn’t do anything. We all couldn’t do anything, because we know you.” Shun pointed out.   
  
He huffed and gave Shun a disbelieving glance; somehow, it sounded completely different now, hearing the words he’d thought about himself when he found out that Ninomiya person was alive. Different, but sensible. Obviously not something he would have believed himself if Shun told him this to his face a month ago, but hey, people changed, obviously.   
  
He guessed that this time, he did, too. For the better, he hoped.   
  
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m still not sure this is really what I want – the breakup or the cool off thing, I mean – but at least I want to, you know, try and look after myself better this time. And I don’t think I’ll be able to accomplish that if I don’t try to change things around a bit. And right now, staying there with Ohno isn’t an option. I know that now.”   
  
Shun smiled at him, showing all of his teeth in the process. It was honestly creepy as it was heart-warming, knowing this guy had his back for as long as he could remember. For always.   
  
“Good decision, buddy. And that’s why you’re staying with us, right?”   
  
“I sure hope so.” He mumbled.   
  
“Nah, it’s going to be great, I promise you. We can drink every other night, or sneak out to drink _every_ night when the Missus is sleeping, and we’ll nurse that nasty heartbreak together, what do you say?”   
  
“And risk getting kicked out of the house, no thanks. Did I forget to mention your wife terrifies me?” he snorted, only half-meaning it. Shun’s wife was the best, at least if she’s not pissed at something or someone.   
  
“Yeah, dude, every time,” Shun grinned at him, “And believe me, she knows, that’s why she’s using that to her advantage, like, always. So, be a man! Don’t let her long legs scare you, alright?”   
  
“I’m not scared of your wife’s legs!”   
  
“Sure buddy,” Shun said, grinning, then like an after-thought, “Oh, and the spare bedroom is ready, by the way. Yuu cleaned it herself.” Shun ended his statement with a wink that had Jun feigning a grimace, even when he was close to breaking into tears once again. Grateful and equal-parts glad that he had friends like him he could turn to when he didn’t know what he’d do with himself.   
  
He said nothing though he was certain Shun didn’t need him to, chuckling as he turned to his side brushing moisture off the corner of his eyes hoping Shun didn’t notice.   
  
He’ll properly thank them later. For now, he’d keep it to himself and hope he was doing the right thing, even when he wasn’t sure about it himself.   
  
  
\+   
  
“Um, O-Ohno-san, are you okay?” he whispered to the mass of black hair tickling his nose, completely uncertain as to how he should react to the awfully familiar feel of the man’s arms branded tight around him from his front.   
  
This close, it was difficult not to feel the vibration coming from the other man’s skin, the way his whole body trembled with exertion and misery as he muffled his sobs against the front of Nino’s shirt.   
  
He didn’t understand any of it, he couldn’t– the emotion this man’s proximity was evoking from deep within him particularly – but it was difficult not to get swept away.   
  
It’s confusing, alright, but he didn’t need to have his memories back to know that there’s something here, something deeper than the actual thing he’d been told about. He could feel it in the way his arms have automatically wormed their way around the man’s back on cue, the way his hands stroked along the man’s back for comfort as if he’d done it so many times in the past though he couldn’t remember it.   
  
“God, I’m _s-sorry,_ I’m so sorry,” the man said after a while, pulling back away so quickly as if he’d just realized the gravity of what he’s done. He watched the man shift back on his haunches, far enough for Nino to reach him.   
  
Absently, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around the man’s forearm for support, feeling the weight of something heavy settled around the vicinity of his heart the second the man raised his head, their eyes catching.   
  
What he saw behind those eyes rocked him to the core, so different from the emotions he saw earlier, but stronger, fiercer. The feeling was being heightened every second their gazes lingered, and he swore there was no way it would ebb the longer they stayed there, looking each other over.   
  
Against his better judgments, he found himself reaching up to touch the man’s face, smoothing the frown on his forehead before letting his touch linger to the corner of the man’s mouth obviously curled with misery.   
  
“Ohno-san, who are you, really?”   
  
  
\+   
  
To be fair, this wasn’t exactly how he imagined meeting Kasuko-san or the rest of her family again after years of avoiding it entirely.   
  
The older woman seemed like she aged so much since the last time he saw her, her features sharp in contrast to the unhappy frown tugging at the corner of her lips.   
  
Well, he guessed he could understand her perfectly, given the fact that he knew exactly where she was coming from. How upset she was at him for being here, for even showing his face to them when he should have known better not to.   
  
“I didn’t expect you to come here,” Kazuko-san said, eyeing him critically from her spot near the open window. He bowed his head in lieu of disrespecting her, because he couldn’t help but check the door to the room they’ve wheeled Nino in, hoping to take a glimpse of him despite the distance.   
  
“Mom,” Kazue-san called from somewhere around the vicinity of what could be the kitchen, as if she could perfectly sensed the brewing trouble between her mother and her brother’s forgotten (ex) boyfriend.   
  
“That’s enough, alright? I was the one who let Satoshi-kun in. Don’t make him feel bad for being here and for simply wanting to see Kazu.”   
  
Kazuko-san frowned, darting her glance between Kazue-san and him with a thoughtful look on her face.   
  
“I’m not doing anything,” Kazuko-san shrugged, but she did give him a look that spoke volumes. “I just feel like, you know, since Kazu couldn’t remember him anyway, that it’s best if he –“   
  
“I just want to see him, that’s all,” he lied through tightly gritted teeth, unable to quell the need thrumming behind his ribcage to explain himself. In fact, that wasn’t just it. He could feel his anger simmering under the surface, and the only thing stopping him from outright confronting Kazuko-san was the fact that he’d still respect her and her family, the reality that she was the mother of the man who once meant the world to him.   
  
The man he was certain still meant a great deal for him, even after all these years thinking he was gone forever.   
  
“Well, you already did,” Kazuko-san said, “does that mean there’s still something you need, because you’re still here and it seems like you’re planning on staying.”   
  
“Mom, please.”   
  
He squared his shoulders and directed his gaze on Kazuko-san, outright ignoring the warning bells ringing in his head as he sat straight and breathed through his nose, half-hoping Nino was really sleeping right now, as what his sister said so earlier, so he didn’t have to witness this confrontation now, or ever.   
  
“You’re right, I am here for something else,” he said, through tightly gritted teeth. Kazuko-san barely twitched though he could see the way she was trying not to be affected by the knowledge that he was, in fact, wasn’t here just to see Nino.   
  
“Satoshi-kun, come on, must you guys really talk about this now?” Kazue-san’s voice came through once again, this time she sounded much closer that it was easier to detect the strain in her voice when she talked. He turned in his seat and found her lounging on the nearby chair, certain that the tense look on her face mirrored exactly what was written all over his own.   
  
“I’d rather he say whatever he came here for now than to expect him to come back to ask me about it again,” Kazuko-san said, all serious and business-like, and despite it all, despite the pain he’d carry with him in his heart for the past six years thinking Nino’s dead because of her decision to keep the truth from them, from him, he missed her.   
  
He missed her terribly; but it wasn't enough to stop him from asking what in hell she thought she was doing.   
  
“I’m glad we share the same sentiment, Kazuko-san,” he said, meeting her eyes straight on. “Fine, then. Why don’t we start from the beginning; I want to know what made you decide to keep the truth about Nino’s accident a secret, when you know it killed me too when I thought your son died that night.” He said in one go, keeping his gaze locked on hers as she did the same.   
  
She gave him a look that sure made the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end.   
  
“Well, apart from what’s obvious?” Kazuko-san asked, mouth curved into a hard line. “It was all because of you.”


	12. Chapter 12

To say that he was shocked was definitely an understatement.  
  
“Me?” he barked back, momentarily forgetting where he was and who he was actually talking to. Well, he guessed it was just normal, considering he was expecting anything, any sort of explanation about this whole Nino thing; what had happened and why she had decided to hide the truth from everyone when she could have easily rectified her actions the moment she found out Nino’s heart had miraculously started beating again, but certainly not this.  
  
Anything but this.  
  
Kazuko-san didn’t look the least bit concerned that he’d ended up slightly raising his voice at her, or that he was looking at her as if she’d gone crazy. He could feel the rise of something ugly and bitter in his throat, could feel his fingers shook in barely-concealed anger along with the rest of him as he stared her over.  
  
“You’re _not_ actually serious,” he grunted through tightly gritted teeth, hoping he didn’t sound as furious as he felt. “You don’t really think I had something to do with what happened to your son, do you?” he added, knowing deep down that it’s exactly what she was referring to.  
  
Kazuko-san barely blinked. “I don’t know, Satoshi-kun, you tell me,” she said, shrugging. “As far as I know, you were the only person who knew what really happened. But we didn’t get to ask you properly back then because you were either pissed off drunk or passed out cold.” She followed, her tone masked with coldness that he honestly found it difficult to keep looking at her, watching her as she all but shook her daughter’s hand off her when the younger woman reached over and grabbed her mother’s arm to stop her.  
  
“Mom, please –“  
  
“That’s not true,” he cut in, chest heaving in remembered pain. He never, not even once during the past years thinking Nino was dead, thought Kazuko-san was suspecting him about Nino’s ‘death’ when she should have known better.  
  
Or, did she?  
  
He kept his eyes trained on her despite the difficulty, unblinking, watching her mouth twitched just the slightest bit. “You of all people should know that I would never do anything to hurt Nino.” he said, unwavering.  
  
Maybe it was his fault for not talking properly to her, to them, after the investigation was done and he was clear of any suspicion, but he had his reasons. Perhaps he might be guilty, too, but only for the fact that he came to Nino’s rescue a couple of minutes too late, blaming himself over and over again for not being able to save Nino in time.  
  
Kazuko-san kept her gaze on him, too. “I honestly want to believe that, I truly do, but can you blame me?” she asked, and despite everything she’d said, after knowing she’d suspected him all these years, he couldn’t really blame her, could he?  
  
“No, I guess not.”  
  
“Right, because we all know you left Chiba even before we’ve properly ‘buried’ my son, and you refused to come visit us during these past six years as if you were trying to avoid us entirely.” She added, unapologetic.  
  
“And you thought that was because I was guilty?” he shook his head in answer at the incredulity, trying his best to understand her pain knowing that despite their supposedly different circumstances, the hurt they felt – and was still feeling - was one and the same.  
  
“Your actions made it specifically hard for me not to suspect you,” she said, tipping her chin up in defiance, and something in his stomach twisted painfully in answer. “So, now’s your chance to say something. Tell me you didn’t do it. Tell me you’re not the reason Kazu almost died that night and maybe – maybe I’ll believe you.”  
  
He shook his head again, in combined pain and disbelief. He honestly didn’t expect this, but somehow, he could understand it all. He brought this upon himself, when he’d kept quiet instead of explaining his side thoroughly, especially to the people who needed it most. When he’d chosen to flee instead of staying.  
  
But he couldn’t stay, not then, not when the very reason he was there was gone forever. Or so he thought. He couldn’t, when every single corner of the place reminded him of Nino, of his failure to save the one person who meant everything to him.  
  
He released the breath he didn’t know he was holding, barely keeping himself together as it was as he directed his gaze on Kazuko-san.  
  
“Maybe…Maybe it was my fault for running away then, for not staying to grieve properly with you but I just – I couldn’t stay, not after what happened _, Kaa-chan,”_ he said, his voice shaking something bad.  
  
“I – I didn’t know how I was supposed to go on living knowing Kazu’s gone. I can’t begin to tell you how devastated I was, how it honestly felt like I, too, died with him when he drew his last breath in my arms, when I _thought_ he drew his last breath. I – I didn’t tell you this, because, how could I? You’re grieving enough as it is, and the last thing you needed was to give away comfort to the person who least needed it.”  
  
He breathed hard, ignoring the embarrassing tears marring his face. He’d gone six years covering this up, these emotions he’d kept buried underneath those he’d chosen not to confront himself with that had everything to do with Nino’s apparent death. The lid had been tossed open, and he guessed it was high time he faced them.  
  
He didn’t dare look away even when he felt like it, keeping his eyes locked on Kazuko-san’s and vaguely noticing Kazue-san sobbing quietly next to her mother.  
  
“I’d trade my own life for _him_ , Kaa-chan,” he said, his voice just loud enough to be heard as he balled his hands to fists. “I swear to God, I will; I would have, if there was any chance for me to save him then.” He confessed, meaning it would all of his heart.  
  
The remembered pain was overwhelming but he soldiered through it.  
  
He took another breath and released it one go. “Maybe, you guys thought that I had it easy, that the past six years went by like they were nothing; that just because I refused to go and visit you meant I’ve forgotten about him because I didn’t. Or maybe, you’re thinking that I’ve moved on, because I spent more than five years with someone else, and I’ll be honest, I almost believed that too, but not for long. Especially lately. Even before I was told Nino was alive, I have been having this strange feeling, and now I know why.”  
  
“And I know it might be hard, especially after everything that happened but I hope you find it in your heart to see that Kazu was everything to me, that I _love_ him so much, and that I would never do anything to hurt him.” he finished, vaguely realizing he’d used present tense to describe his feelings, and knowing it to be true.  
  
He loved Nino, then and now, and maybe for always. Nino’s apparent death didn’t change that, and he knew that from here on, after knowing Nino was alive although missing his memories of him, of them together, he was certain nothing ever could.  
  
  
+  
  
  
As expected, Kazuko-san didn’t stay long to even pretend to be a good host after that unforeseen confrontation.  
  
Nino’s sister, Kazue-san, however, was different. She still looked at him as if she adored him silly, as if the very fact that he was here was enough to make her happy.  
  
“Here, drink this,” she said, sliding a cold can of beer she’d fetched from her quick trip to the kitchen once her mother excused herself. “I’ll offer you something stronger but I remembered you’ll be driving yourself home so I thought beer would be the better choice.” She said, sitting directly opposite him as he ducked his head and muttered thanks under his breath.  
  
“I should probably go,” he said, contemplating drinking the offered beverage. “I mean – I want to stay and wait until he’s awake so I could, you know, say goodbye, really, but I don’t think your Mom –“  
  
“Don’t mind her,” Kazue-san cut in, tapping his arm and nudging the can towards him. “She’s just putting on that act to ward off anyone who tries to question her decision about my brother. I’m telling you, she did the same thing to me – well, not to the extent of telling me she suspected me of Kazu’s apparent death, of course – but something more lame, and I realized now that it’s sort of like her defense mechanism? It’s stupid, I know, and she wouldn’t ever admit to it but I know her. Crazy woman.” Kazue-san explained, chuckling and shaking her head as if the idea of her mother finally losing the few working screws in her head amused her. And as if she wasn’t seriously bawling her eyes out earlier while he confessed his feelings in the open, for all of them to hear.  
  
Somehow, he didn’t know why it felt like she truly meant it.  
  
“I – I don’t really understand –“  
  
She waved her off with a curt, “As I said, don’t mind her, okay? Let her say anything she wants, but it doesn’t change the fact that she did something unforgiveable. Kazu’s condition these past six years, her worries about him not recovering, those didn’t give her the right to keep us in the dark, no matter what her reasons were, and I’m telling you, I’m going to give her shit for it, soon. I just want to make sure Kazu’s alright and my mother’s fear is unfounded.”  
  
He frowned. “What do you mean?” he said, but somehow, despite the fact that he’d tried then, and everyday thereafter, to forgive himself and forget what happened, he knew.  
  
What happened to Nino was no accident, and he was certain everyone knew about it, too.  
  
Judging with the way Kazuko-san questioned him like a common criminal, it wasn’t hard to figure that out.  
  
“That someone was there with Kazu, other than you and Kazu himself. That what happened that night wasn’t an accident.”  
  
“Someone obviously tried to kill my brother.”  
  
  
+  
  
  
“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked, lowly, following Kazue-san’s lead as she opened the door to her brother’s room. “Your Mom is going to throw a fit if she finds out you’re letting me in here, and Jesus, what am I going to tell Nino if he wakes up and see me?”  
  
“Tsk, will you ease up? I thought you said you want to see him before you go? So, now’s your chance. Stop whining.” She said, tugging at his hand and reaching behind him to close the door.  
  
“How about your Mom?”  
  
She pushed him forward, gesturing for him to sit on the lone chair near the head of the bed. Nino was fast asleep, and he swore his unruly chest tightened at the sight of him. God, he could still remember the last time he watched Nino sleeping on the bed next to him, never imagining the moment could be the last.  
  
Well, he thought it was. Until now.  
  
“She’s with the kids now. Don’t worry about her.”  
  
“She’s going to kill me,” he said, only half-worried now that he was staring at Nino’s unmoving figure on the bed. He looked small, he looked fragile, pale and skinny, and that thing in his chest twist yet again, his protective instinct kicking in without him realizing it.  
  
Kazue-san chuckled once again, sounding more entertained than he supposed the situation warranted. God, she’s just as weird as her mother, he thought, rounding to sit on the chair with his heart literally trying to beat its way out of his chest.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll be guarding the door,” she said, tapping him on the shoulder, “Take your time, okay? If you want to give him a kiss, tell me now so I can watch?”  
  
“Kazue-san!”  
  
“Right, right, I’m going out. If he wakes up, well, just tell him the truth.”  
  
He turned and gave her a look. “The truth?”  
  
“That you’re here to introduce yourself properly again,” she winked at him, “since you weren’t able to earlier. I don’t know, you should know the reason, right, why are you asking me?”  
  
“Jesus Christ.”  
  
“I’ll lock the door, alright?”  
  
“I don’t think that’s necessary –“ he hissed under his breath, cutting himself off watching her slip out of the door and closing it behind her.  
  
He sighed. Well, this was – nice. He honestly didn’t think things would come to this, after the conversation he had with Nino’s mother earlier. He was actually expecting to be kicked out of the house immediately, but somehow, with Nino’s sister around, things went from sour to unexpectedly pleasant before he even realized it.  
  
He carefully dragged the chair closer to Nino on the bed, careful not to make any noise before he settled. This close, it was even easier to spot the changes on Nino’s face that he wasn’t able to check before, feeling grateful and equal-parts amazed to be given the privilege when he hardly even think he deserved it.  
  
Nino looked so peaceful like this, but somehow, the sight was enough to allow those painful memories from resurfacing. The last time he saw Nino like this, he was unconscious and unmoving, and it was the night he thought Nino died. It was the worst day ever, something he’d never gotten over with despite the years that passed, and maybe he wouldn’t ever.  
  
Not even after knowing that Nino had, in fact, survived the accident.  
  
He scooted a little closer, letting his gaze wander longingly to the face of the person he thought he’d lost forever, starting from Nino’s hair to his temple, to his closed eyes and the rounded tip of his nose, noting the fact that the usual dark bags under Nino’s eyes are missing. He chuckled and let his exploration continued, darting his gaze to Nino’s pale cheeks and jaw, the mole on his chin, before his gaze settled on Nino’s lips.  
  
He bit the inside of his cheeks to keep any sound from spilling, but his emotion was overwhelming he barely able to keep it reined in as he looked down and away, feeling the corners of his eyes heat up despite his best efforts to keep his tears at bay.  
  
How was it possible, he wondered, that being here, now, felt like the years that passed didn’t happen? The pain was overwhelming as was everything else he was feeling – the joy and the relief, particularly – as if watching Nino sleep right now, so near yet so far, felt like he was losing Nino all over again? He couldn’t even ward the memories away – the night of the accident most especially, but mostly, the regrets and every other memories he shared with Nino slamming into him in almost consuming waves.  
  
Regrets mingled everything, because here he was, wanting nothing but to take Nino back and tell him who he was, what they were before the accident, but couldn’t because he was not free to do so, not anymore. He knew what he wanted, what his heart had always wanted, but now, it felt more like the things he wished for were made impossible.  
  
Here, now, he knew he didn’t deserve to be with anyone, with Jun even, and most especially with Nino, not after what he’d done. For breaking his promise, for going back on his word just because he thought the love of his life had died. He didn’t even know how he was going to explain this all to Nino, once Nino regained his memories, knowing full well that he was going to break Nino’s heart when it happened.  
  
_Forever_ , he’d promised Nino then, _I’ll love you forever_ , he’d said, but what did he do? Jumping into bed with another person to keep himself from going crazy for missing Nino wasn’t exactly the best explanation for what he did, despite it being true. How would he tell Nino this?  
  
Would he even dare?  
  
And what about Jun? Would the truth about Nino turning up alive reason enough for him to break Jun’s heart, too?  
  
God, he fucked up big time. Really messed everything up this time and he honestly didn’t know how to fix it.  
  
And then there was Jun, too. He was certain that Jun leaving meant their relationship was heading towards the opposite direction too, despite the fact that Jun didn’t say so when he left, so he guessed that was that. He’d tried his hardest not to give in, but the minute he watched Jun walked out of the door, he was out of it too, with all the intension to find Nino.  
  
He deserved no one else, really.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, shaking to the core as his tears blinded him, blinking through the blurry wetness as he reached over to settle his hands over Nino’s small ones, missing him terribly and knowing in his heart that the years he spent thinking Nino was dead didn’t diminished the love he had for the younger man, not even for a bit.  
  
He cried, knowing that here, now, even after finding out that Nino was alive, he’d have to let Nino go.  
  
He had to. He had to, before he ended up hurting Nino, too.  
  
  
  
+  
  
  
_“You look dumb, no, stop smiling, oh my god, what are you doing?” he pushed back, giggling despite himself, tugging the covers over him in his valiant attempt to get away. The other man didn’t let him._  
  
_“No, leave me alone, I said!”_  
  
_“I thought you like my face?”_  
  
_He couldn’t help it, he was giggling again, hiding his face from the other man’s questing hands. The pillows and the sheets smelled like his favorite fabric conditioner and them, and he liked it so much he was breathing the scent in before he could even stop himself._  
  
_“Not when you’re being gross and stupid, oh my god, get away from me and go finish shaving! You’re going to smear that disgusting thing everywhere!”_  
  
_“It’s your shaving cream!”_  
  
_“So stop using it!”_  
  
_“Eh, but you said you don’t like it when my stubbles are growing–“_  
  
_“I said no such thing!”_  
  
_There’s a warm puff of air at the backs of his head and he squirmed away on cue. “Oh, stop lying, will you?”_  
  
_“Get off me!”_  
  
_“Not until I get that good morning kiss! Come on, give me a kiss first,” the other man cooed, hands grabbing him around the hips, pulling, catching his ankles and burying his face against the small of his back, just above his hipbone. He wriggled out of the way, or least tried to, found himself being flipped over on his back and getting pinned on the bed, the other man’s weight following._  
  
_“No way –“_  
  
_He trashed weakly beneath the other man’s weight pinning him down, already feeling his resolve weakening. The other man leaned down till they’re almost nose to nose, their lips almost touching, biting his lips knowing he was being stared at with longing and tenderness behind the other man’s eyes._  
  
_A hand covered his cheek, his jaw, and a soft whimper escaped his lips. “Have I told you I love you lately?”_  
  
_“I don’t know, you tell me.” he countered, only half teasing._  
  
_The man’s smile was soft around the edges, gentle as was his hold around Nino’s face. “I love you, Nino, I love you –“_  
  
_“Oh –“_  
  
“Kazu, wake up, hey, are you okay?” he opened his eyes to the sound of her mother’s distressed voice, the worried frown on her forehead as she shook him awake. He blinked a few times and nodded, allowing her to help him sit up on the bed.  
  
“Were you having a bad dream?” she asked, after a brief moment of silence. He sighed and nodded again. “What was it about?”  
  
He shrugged, not knowing exactly how to tell his mother about the dream. Well, he could – the dream’s content was pretty tame, considering – but it’s his partner in the dream that worried him a little. And then somehow, unconsciously, his thoughts drifted to the man who visited him earlier, the worrying familiarity he felt when the man pulled him into the man’s arms.  
  
Somehow, it was strange, because he’d never felt such overwhelming urge to cry with another person he swore was practically a stranger, with that Ohno person especially, when the man cried earlier the moment he was tugged into the other man’s arms, the odd way his heart was telling him it was okay to let the man close, closer even despite the way his brain was outright questioning it.  
  
“Kazu?” she called, prompting him back to the present. “Is something wrong?”  
  
He shook his head and gave her a small smile. “The guy earlier, Ohno-san, he left?” he asked. His mother simply nodded in answer. He tilted his head in thought, remembering the way he reacted to the man’s proximity, and how pleasant it actually felt to have him near.  
  
It was confusing as much as it was amusing.  
  
“Do you know him?” he followed, frowning. “Aiba-chan said he was my best friend from University, is it true?”  
  
His mother looked confused for a moment, but she was smiling again the next time he looked at her.  
  
“He was?”  
  
“Yeah. Aiba-chan said so.”  
  
“Oh, okay.”  
  
He didn’t realize he’d narrowed his eyes at her until she chuckled and reached over to poke his cheek.  
  
“You didn’t answer the question, Mom,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Do I know him like Aiba-chan told me?” he said, then, turning to her, “Do you?”  
  
“If Aiba-kun said so, maybe it’s true?”  
  
“Aiba-chan isn’t really the epitome of honesty.”  
  
His mother laughed at that. “Don’t let him hear you say that, you might hurt his feelings.”  
  
“Don’t worry, he’s used to it.”  
  
“Poor boy. It’s no joke, I think, the things he had to endure for being your friend, huh?”  
  
He made a face at her, feigning hurt. “Mom!”  
  
“Sorry, sorry!”  
  
He blinked again, clearing his throat as he reached for his mother’s hand, and opting on letting go of that topic for now. He had other things to worry about, and it was mostly about himself. Somehow, that dream prompted him to think about it, to try and remember if he ever did tell anyone close to him that wasn’t Aiba-chan about the other parts of himself he hadn’t talked about with just anyone, his sexual preference, particularly.  
  
He honestly had no memory of ever coming out to his family, but maybe now’s the best time to do so if in case he hadn’t been able to before. Somehow, he had a feeling that doing so would help him remember.  
  
“Mom, can I ask you something?”  
  
She squeezed his hand and smiled. “Of course,” she whispered, “you can ask me anything. Are you okay?”  
  
He gave her a smile. “I’m fine,” he said, “Just –“ he breathed hard, unable to quell the uncertain feeling plaguing him from the inside. Another breath; it’s now or never. “Did I ever get to…tell you guys that _I’m_ , you know?”  
  
“What?”  
  
He heaved another sigh. “That… _I’m_ gay?” he said.  
  
There was a brief pause in which he found himself staring at his mother, and that unreadable emotion blinking behind her eyes.  
  
Then she smiled, fingers brushing his cheek in the way that was nothing but affectionate, her look equally-fond as she nodded back at him in answer.  
  
“On the day you came of age, you did,” she said, pinching his chin softly. “But you know what I told you then?”  
  
He shook his head. He didn’t really remember.  
  
“That you didn’t have to, because we know,” she said, pulling him to her, hugging him. “And that it doesn’t matter because we love you just the way you are.”  
  
He smiled, wetly, into her neck and knew for a fact that he was the luckiest person for being born to her, for being her son.  
  
  
+  
  
Somehow, knowing that the truth was finally out of the way, he thought it was better to ask about stuff that he was certain was related to it. It took him a long moment to gather up the courage but when he did, he was honestly amazed to realize that his mother didn’t even look the least bit surprised when he asked her, though her answer completely contradicted the look on her face.  
  
“So you’re saying you…have no idea if…if I was involved with someone else before…before the accident?” he asked. His mother remained uncharacteristically quiet after he’d told her his dream, about the man he was with, whose face he couldn’t remember.  
  
“I – well, I can’t really –“  
  
“You do, don’t you?”  
  
She said nothing though the expression on her face gave her away. He took her hand in his, squeezed their fingers together. He was certain her obvious hesitance was once again due to the fact that she firmly believed in letting him remember things in his own sweet time, but this waiting game was seriously getting in his nerves.  
  
It also didn’t help that after meeting that Ohno person earlier, he’d been swept up by this feeling of déjà vu that it was getting hard to ignore it.  
  
“Who is it?” he mumbled, heart thumping crazily fast in his chest. “Mom, who is it?” he repeated, his growing anxiousness felt too heavy to handle already.  
  
She looked so sad when she shook her head and tugged him into her, pressing her lips to the top of his head.  
  
“It’s _not_ Ohno-san, is it?” he said, only vaguely hoping he wasn’t wrong. He didn’t understand himself, his feelings upon meeting the guy but maybe he would, soon. He’s determined to uncover things for himself, but he’d need all the help he could get.  
  
“Mom, tell me, please,” he breathed, his suspicion growing every second that ticked by. “Was it – Was it Ohno-san?”  
  
She said nothing for a long moment, until he heard her spoke into his hair, soft and just barely audible through the sounds of his own heart beating loud and hard inside his ribcage.  
  
“I’m sorry, Kazu. I’m _so_ sorry.”


End file.
